One Stop Mediation Firms: Illegal, Unethical or Both?

While most NJ divorce mediators perform mediation services on a part-time basis, divorce mediation is my full-time role.   Many of those practicing mediation part-time are also attorneys and have added mediation to help expand their practice.  And while I am perfectly fine with attorneys trying to expand their practices by offering mediation services, I do take issue when they claim to be able to act as your mediator and your attorney playing the role of a neutral third party to start and then representing only one of you when drafting your property settlement agreement.  For NJ couples seeking mediation services, a one stop shop where they can hire both their mediator and their attorney in the same place or better yet in the same person may seem like a great idea but I ask you this: who’s watching out for whose interest and who is getting the short end of the stick? Is this illegal, unethical or both?  The answer may surprise you.

Divorce Mediators are neutral third parties that provide legal information and help facilitate the discussions necessary to help two parties come to agreements regarding the issues surrounding their divorce.  Mediators do not represent either party and cannot give advice or tell the parties what to do.  Mediators have no stake in the outcome as we don’t view divorce as a win-lose situation.

Attorneys are advocates whose only job is to represent their client (and their client only) to get them the best possible deal.  They aren’t focused on fair and equitable and they aren’t watching out for both parties’ interests. They do have a stake in outcome as their success in getting you and only you the best possible deal will most certainly impact your satisfaction with them as an attorney and ultimately their professional reputation.

So now here’s the dilemma: how does an attorney go from being a neutral third party mediator for the first part of your divorce and then to being an advocate as an attorney for another part of it?  Isn’t that illegal? Since they can only represent one of you, who do they choose?  Does that mean one of you now has to get your own new attorney?  Do you go unrepresented?  What happens if there is a problem in the future?  Do you have any recourse?  How much will it cost you to resolve?  Do you think they may be biased against one of you knowing they’ll ultimately wind up representing the other party?

Hiring one individual or firm to be both your mediator and attorney is like hiring the fox to watch the chicken coop: it’s not a good idea.  Period. I believe it to be unethical, illegal and just plain wrong.

Seek the services of an Accredited Professional Divorce Mediator in New Jersey who can hep you and your spouse resolve all of the issues surrounding your divorce without any bias towards each of you.  It is only by doing so that each of you can rest assured that you’ll get a fair and equitable solution to your divorce.

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Joseph Dillon is an Accredited Professional Divorce Mediator in New Jersey and can be reached at (908) 864-2177.

Lessons on Divorce Mediation from a Town Moderator

For regular readers of the Equitable Mediation Services blog you know by now that I am an Professional Accredited Divorce Mediator in NJ and that part of my responsibilities are to continually educate myself in changes in the law as well as learn new divorce mediation techniques in order to help couples come to better, more efficient agreements.  I’m willing to take a lesson or learn a new divorce mediation technique from whatever source I can so I constantly search the web, newspapers, magazines and listen to radio programs to see if there is some small nugget I can glean from what it is I am absorbing.  Today I ran across an article written by a gentleman who is a Town Moderator and could have sworn it was written by me.  In it he outlined ten things he’s learned in his many years of moderating town hall meetings and much to my surprise, the concepts he listed in them are pretty much the same as what I would tell you as a NJ divorce mediator.  You can read the entire article from Mr. Ericson by clicking here but I’d like to highlight some of the key concepts which I think are worth reinforcing.

1. “We benefit from those who have gone before us, asked good questions, and made constructive suggestions.” As your divorce mediator, it is my role to bring my years of experience handling the cases of New Jersey couples who came before you that may have faced a situation very similar to yours.  While we work very hard to create a settlement that is unique to every client, sometimes as the old saying goes “why reinvent the wheel?”
2. “People are more willing to contribute ideas… in a respectful environment.” I realize that things may get heated at times in a divorce mediation session and we may not always be on our best behavior but like mom said, “if you don’t have anything nice to say…”
3. “People have an intuitive sense of fairness.” I have to believe as a NJ divorce mediator that deep down people know the right thing to do so it simply becomes a question of do they want to? That is entirely up to the two of you.
4. “The more complete and accurate the information, the less speculation we encounter in debate.” As mediation is a good faith negotiation, it requires the full disclosure of all relevant information, voluntarily and without hesitation since not doing so will lead to suspicion, a loss of good will and in turn degrade the mediation process.

So really at the end of the day what’s most important you ask?  I think the above four points summarize divorce mediation nicely, don’t you?

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Joseph Dillon is a Professional Accredited Divorce Mediator in NJ and the owner of Equitable Mediation Services a New Jersey divorce mediation practice serving Somerset, Mercer, Middlesex, Essex, Morris, Monmouth and Hunterdon counties including the towns of Edison, Parsippany, East Brunswick, West Orange, Bridgewater, South Brunswick, Hillsborough, Livingston, Randolph, Maplewood, West Windsor, Summit, Plainsboro, Millburn, Morristown, Montgomery, Madison, Readington, Branchburg, Warren, Princeton, Metuchen, Lawrenceville, Pennington, Short Hills, Bernards, Bedminster, Colts Neck, Holmdel, Roseland, Montclair and surrounding areas.

Another Reason to Use Mediation: Child Support Warrants

In an article in today’s Newark Star Leger, it was reported that 864 warrants were served to delinquent parents who either skipped out on paying child support or that no child support order existed altogether.  The crackdown led to the collection of nearly $165,000 in unpaid child support orders and represented one of the largest sweeps of it’s kind in New Jersey with all 21 counties participating in the operation over a three day period.  As a New Jersey divorce mediator I can tell you that while most divorcing couples understand that child support is an obligation they both have to the children and that children should not become the economic victims of divorce, not everyone fully agrees.  In these cases, it’s often the disagreement the parents have that leads to the child being penalized.  If you surveyed 1000 divorced parents, I could all but guarantee you that 999 of them when asked the question” do you want to be a good parent” would say “yes.”  I’ve never met a person who said “no, I do not want to be a good parent to my child after my divorce.”  So then the question becomes why not pay support?

What we see during post divorce parent coordination is that some disagreement between the two individuals has led to one withholding financial remuneration as a way of penalizing the other parent.  Usually the amounts are rather small in nature with most being less than $50 but after a few years taken in total, they can really add up.   Or if we’re discussing regular child support obligations during divorce mediation sessions, that cover the basics such as food, shelter and clothing, the issue becomes one parent feels they are the only one paying child support.  As we mentioned in our last article, you are both technically paying child support even though one of you is writing the check.  The greatest misunderstanding we have with clients of Equitable Mediation Services is that only one of them is actually paying child support which is simply untrue.  Second in line is the misconception that the amount will be some unreasonable dollar figure that they simply cannot afford (also untrue).  Basic support awards are based on a number of factors such as income of both parties, the number of overnights the children spend with each of you, etc.  Support obligations start as low as $5 a week with the thought being New Jersey simply wants to ensure that you pay something towards the cost of your child.  And while perhaps $5 a week is a lot of money to someone of very modest means, as a parent your responsibility lies with the child.

So what do you do?  You use divorce mediation to settle your differences be they prior to your divorce or after it.  Studies have shown that 50% of all court ordered child support orders are being followed one year later while 85% of mediated child support orders are.  Why do you think this is?  My theory is because no one likes to be told what to do and if you have a hand in creating your own agreement as divorce mediation or post divorce parent coordination allows you to do, you will be more likely to adhere to the tenants of that agreement and your child will get the support and resources they deserve.

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Equitable Mediation Services is a New Jersey divorce mediation practice serving Somerset, Mercer, Middlesex, Essex, Morris, Union and Hunterdon counties including the towns of Edison, Parsippany, East Brunswick, West Orange, Bridgewater, South Brunswick, Hillsborough, Livingston, Randolph, Maplewood, West Windsor, Summit, Plainsboro, Millburn, Morristown, Montgomery, Madison, Readington, Branchburg, Warren, Princeton, Metuchen, Lawrenceville, Pennington, Short Hills, Bernards, Bedminster and surrounding areas.

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