Managing Partner and Equitable Mediation founder Joseph Dillon said “I know I speak for everyone here at Equitable Mediation when I say that we’re pleased to be able to assist divorce mediation clients in an office location that’s convenient for them during their time of need and by expanding into Paramus, Saddle Book and Hackensack, we’re able to do just that for Bergen County couples.”

Until recently Equitable Mediation Services focused mostly on Central NJ and the lower part of Northern NJ with office locations in Bedminster, Bridgewater, East Brunswick, Iselin (Metropark), Morristown Princeton, Short Hills, Red Bank and Roseland.  With the expansion into Bergen County and the towns of Paramus, Saddle Book and Hackensack, clients in those areas will still be able to obtain the benefits of mediation in NJ but in a location that’s much closer to their home.  This is especially convenient for those individuals who may live in New Jersey but work in New York City which many Bergen County resident do.

“Our clients come to us from all over the state and up until recently, for those individuals who phoned us seeking mediation services in Paramus, Saddle Book or Hackensack, the best we could do was offer them a meeting in one of our other office locations which for some, wasn’t convenient.  Having these three new office locations is going to make it easier on our clients in Bergen County to get the services they need from a firm they can trust.  We’ve been mediating for a long time and divorce mediation is our full time profession.  Using an unknown firm without Accredited Professional Mediators just isn’t something clients should want to take a chance on.”

Because the laws of the State apply to all clients who are eligible to file for divorce in New Jersey,  Equitable Mediation Services is able to service clients no matter where they live.  Adding three new Bergen County office locations is in line with the Equitable Mediation philosophy of reducing the stress of an already uncomfortable situation by being where the clients need divorce mediation services the most. For information on the new Equitable Mediation Services office locations, please see the addresses below.

• Paramus Divorce Mediation: 140 East Ridgewood Avenue – Paramus, New Jersey
• Saddle Brook Divorce Mediation: (the Park 80 West building)- 250 Pehle Avenue, Suite 200 – Saddle Brook, New Jersey
• Hackensack Divorce Mediation (opening winter 2012) – 401 Hackensack Avenue – Suite 200 – Hackensack, New Jersey

If you have any questions about divorce mediation in NJ or our services, please call us at (908) 864-2177.

Divorce Mediators are neutral third parties that provide legal information and help facilitate the discussions necessary to help two parties come to agreements regarding the issues surrounding their divorce.  Mediators do not represent either party and cannot give advice or tell the parties what to do.  Mediators have no stake in the outcome as we don’t view divorce as a win-lose situation.

Attorneys are advocates whose only job is to represent their client (and their client only) to get them the best possible deal.  They aren’t focused on fair and equitable and they aren’t watching out for both parties’ interests. They do have a stake in outcome as their success in getting you and only you the best possible deal will most certainly impact your satisfaction with them as an attorney and ultimately their professional reputation.

So now here’s the dilemma: how does an attorney go from being a neutral third party mediator for the first part of your divorce and then to being an advocate as an attorney for another part of it?  Isn’t that illegal? Since they can only represent one of you, who do they choose?  Does that mean one of you now has to get your own new attorney?  Do you go unrepresented?  What happens if there is a problem in the future?  Do you have any recourse?  How much will it cost you to resolve?  Do you think they may be biased against one of you knowing they’ll ultimately wind up representing the other party?

Hiring one individual or firm to be both your mediator and attorney is like hiring the fox to watch the chicken coop: it’s not a good idea.  Period. I believe it to be unethical, illegal and just plain wrong.

Seek the services of an Accredited Professional Divorce Mediator in New Jersey who can hep you and your spouse resolve all of the issues surrounding your divorce without any bias towards each of you.  It is only by doing so that each of you can rest assured that you’ll get a fair and equitable solution to your divorce.

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Joseph Dillon is an Accredited Professional Divorce Mediator in New Jersey and can be reached at (908) 864-2177.

That’s partially true…

The full definition is the dividing of the marital assets and liabilities to determine who gets what.  Divorcing couples like to forget the liabilities part and for good reason: who wants to pay off the mountains of debts that many couples have accumulated over the years?  Especially if it’s not even “your” debt?  And there in lies today’s lesson: know your debt.

For many divorcing couples, until recently, the marital home was the “saving grace.” Selling it allowed the divorcing couple to use the appreciation in the marital home’s value to pay off any existing debts and perhaps even walk away with a small lump sum to put down on another home so the concept of who owed what wasn’t as big a deal then as it is now.  With today’s shrinking real estate market and the subsequent plunge in real estate values over the past few years, many couples are finding that the value of the marital home doesn’t even cover the mortgage, let alone their bills or debts, leaving couples to wonder what to do when faced with such a dilemma.

As I am merely a New Jersey divorce mediator and not the US Mint, I can’t print money for you and make all of your bills go away but I can offer suggestions on how best to get a handle on your debts and what they may look like post-divorce.  If you’re in the process of getting a divorce, what I can offer is this:

1. Get copies of all of your bank statements, joint and individual.  Many times people mistakenly think just because I opened an account in my name that it is mine.  Not always true.  This will give you a better picture of what liquid assets are available to pay off the marital debts.
2. Go to: www.annualcreditreport.com and get a copy of your credit report.  Make sure all accounts that are listed as open are in fact open and yours.  Check to see if any accounts that you closed are not reflected as such and contact those creditors right away.  You may even want to put a lock on inquiries into your credit history or get a credit monitoring service to make sure no new accounts are opened in your name (perhaps by your soon to be ex-spouse) without your consent.
3. Gather up all of your debts and take responsibility for what is yours.  Common items like student loans which you may have co-signed for a soon to be ex can come back to get you years later so make sure you know who’s debts are who’s.
4. Cancel all joint credit cards and open a credit card in just your name.  I see too many people who have some attachment to an account they’ve had since they were young and so they simply remove their spouse from the account and keep the same account number without paying it off with marital funds.  Guess what?  Any balance due on that account is now squarely on you instead of being split as a marital liability.

By following these simple steps you will be able to get a better handle on what you may or may not be responsible for post-divorce which will allow you to plan your financial future accordingly.  Remember: your lifestyle post-divorce will most likely be lower than that of your marital lifestyle but that doesn’t mean you have to take on debt that isn’t legitamately yours.

If you have any questions about divorce mediation or how mediation can benefit you, please feel free to contact us to schedule a free, no-obligation consultation in one of our six central New Jersey office locations where we will take some time to get to know more about you and your situation and see if mediation is right for you.  Of if you’re simply not ready yet, feel free to visit the Equitable Mediation Services website where you’ll find lots of great information about parenting plans, equitable distribution, NJ child support and spousal support / alimony and contact us when you’re ready.  We look forward to helping you get through your divorce peacefully, efficiently and with as little stress on you and your family as possible.

In most of the couples I see, over the course of their marriage, roles have developed with each of the parties taking on a certain set of tasks that they consider “their responsibility.”  These can be things such as lawn maintenance, household chores and the finances.  When couples contemplate divorce, what they often fail to realize is that the tasks their partner took care of, will now fall squarely on you and in turn, a power imbalance in a particular subject area has developed over time. Through no fault of anyone’s, it is simply a matter of fact that in some cases, one individual has spent the better part of the past 20 years performing a specific task and thus, has all of the knowledge about that subject.  Incidentally, this is not meant to perpetuate any stereotypes because I can tell you that I have had wives who do the household chores and cut the grass and the men who do most of the cooking so in a stereotypical “old-fashioned” idea of what marriages and couple’s roles in them look like, each party may be lost without the others help post-divorce mediation regardless of the tasks they performed.

As a New Jersey divorce mediator it is not only my job to help the couple navigate through the four main areas of divorce mediation: Parenting Plans, Equitable Distribution, the NJ Child Support Guidelines and Spousal Support / Alimony but also to ensure that both individuals (and their children when applicable) come out of the other side of the process in a position to succeed.  Will I be there to hold their hands once they leave my office for the last time?  No.  But what I can do and try to do in each and every session is constantly evaluate both the individuals and how they interact as a couple and offer the guidance on how best to resolve the situation at that moment in time as well as give them access to the network of professionals and helpful resources that I bring with me as part of my divorce mediation services.

For example, most couples think counseling is for people trying to salvage their marriage and since they are now in the process of getting divorce, there is no point in going to a counselor.  Nothing could be farther from the truth.  If couples have come to see me, chances are their communication skills have broken down over time and so they will need to “re-learn” how to speak to each other again because unless you do not have children (and most people who come to see me do) you will be interacting on a regular basis for the sake of your kids.  In shorter marriages, the chances are good that you will be speaking with your ex-spouse for more years after you are divorced than you were actually married!  You need to learn skills on how best to handle this and we can help.

If you have any questions about divorce mediation or how mediation can benefit you, please feel free to contact us to schedule a free, no-obligation consultation in one of our six central NJ office locations.  of if you’re simply not ready, please visit the Equitable Mediation Services website where you will find lots of helpful information to assist you in making an informed decision.

People think that as a NJ divorce mediator, I am pro-divorce.  That is simply not the case.  I am for helping people who have made the decision to divorce manage their divorce through mediation in a peaceful and efficient manner with as little stress and impact on them and their family as possible.  No doubt divorce is a major life trauma, second only to the death of a parent or spouse and my role is not to promote divorce by any means but rather to minimize the conflict and help couples resolve the issues through mediation and come to an agreement that works for both of them, and their children if applicable.

I feel it’s important for couples to consider all of their options before proceeding with a divorce but once the decision is made, divorce mediation truly is your best alternative to a messy, litigated, attorney-driven divorce.  There are many benefits of mediation, of that there is no doubt and the road will be difficult at times, but with a little preparation and perseverance you will get through it one step at a time with my help.

For a checklist of items you will need to prepare for divorce mediation, please visit our helpful resources section and click on the link for Forms / Worksheets.  In the meantime, should you have any questions, please feel free to contact us and we’ll do our best to answer any questions you may have about divorce, mediation or the process in general.  We realize you have a choice when it comes to divorce mediation services and we at Equitable Mediation Services want to thank you for the trust you’ve put in us this year and look forward to helping you in your time of need in the coming year.

One such resource I believe to be of tremendous value is that of the New Jersey Mental Health Cares website which can be found in our helpful links section.  The website is supported and maintained by the NJ Department of Human Services and is a comprehensive resource and help center for those experiencing a mental crisis or for those who just don’t know where to turn.

During times of severe mental duress (and don’t fool yourself – divorce is certainly one of them) we may need someone to talk to who can help us manage the intense emotions we are experiencing and help us get through these troubled times.  And while divorce mediation tries to be a peaceful process and help couples get through their divorce as painlessly as possible, it doesn’t mean there is no pain.  Dealing with the four main areas of divorce mediation is only part of the process.  Dealing with the emotional toll divorce takes is another and these people are here to help you.

So take some time to look around the site, and as always if you have any questions about how divorce mediation can help you keep the peace during this difficult time, please do not hesitate to contact us and we’ll be glad to help you in any way we can.

I ask this because sometimes in my sessions, I’ll encourage my clients to read some of the very same books that I have read as either a part of my training or continuing education but when instead of using them for reference, the client tries to use that as part of their mediation, I get concerned.  There is a reason we all hire professionals of any kind and one of those reasons in my opinion is to distance ourselves from a particular situation and gain perspective in addition to professional advice.  The example I always use is that of a Real Estate agent.  Could you go up to someones home, knock on the door, say hello and offer them a sum of money for the house?  Sure, I guess you could.  Really though, wouldn’t you want someone with the expertise of the local real estate market to help you so that you don’t make a mistake or to bounce questions and concerns off of?  I know I would.

To anyone going through a divorce, I know, it’s a tough time.  You have a lot of questions and concerns about your future just like everyone else in your situation.  That is why we at Equitable Mediation Services put together our website to provide you with the critical information and resources you’ll need to know when contemplating or going through divorce mediation.  Our helpful resources section has links to everything you might need to know now and after your divorce and our “about divorce mediation” overview can give you a great, four part introduction to the steps we’ll be taking during the mediation process.  Of course the best resource of all can be found simply by contacting us to set up a free, no obligation consultation where we will meet in person and discuss how divorce mediation can benefit you.

We know there are a lot of moving parts to a divorce and we’re here to help you every step of the way.  And while I know this is difficult and you’ll be tempted to learn all you can about your situation, don’t forget there are caring professionals here to help with the knowledge and expertise to get you through your divorce peacefully and with as little impact to you and your family as possible.

One of the benefits of mediation is that all decisions are yours: you’ve heard me say that before. But did you know that your mediator can work out an arrangement that allows you and your spouse to keep the house without taking a loss and sell it when you both feel the time (and the market) is right?

We here at Equitable Mediation Services understand what you’re going through and want to work with you in order to create an agreement that works both emotionally and financially. By drafting language into your Memorandum of Understanding outlining the terms of your arrangement, the house can be kept until you both feel the time is right to sell it. Some couples delay the sale of the marital home in order to keep a school-aged child in the same school system and minimize disruption to their lives but it can also be used as a tool to prevent financial loss. The same principles apply and arrangements can be outlined detailing who pays for things such as the mortgage, repairs, maintenance, etc.

And while you will both need to consult with a financial professional to understand the tax & financial implications, our helpful resources section can help you with locating someone to discuss this with and give you the tools you need in order to make an informed decision.

As every family’s circumstances are unique, it is always best to consult with a mediator who can help you and your spouse understand the issues in detail and draft an arrangement that works for both of you. Please feel free to contact us with any questions you may have or to schedule a free, no obligation consultation to learn if mediation is right for you.

As any of you who have been following my blog, you know that during discussions of the Parenting Plans, during divorce mediation we determine the number of nights the child or children spend with each parent.  Based on those numbers (known as the “counting nights rule”) the custodial parent is deemed to be the parent with whom the child primarily resides with based on the number of overnights.  Logically it would seem that the parent who has the child more of the time should get to claim the deduction.  But what about parents with multiple children or parents who wish to share the deduction?  Can the tax deductions be shared even if the children primarily reside with the one parent or is split evenly?  The answer is yes.

This regulation is not only important for claiming the tax deduction but also for claiming the $1000 per year child tax credit for each qualifying child under the age of 17.  As this is an issue you will want to learn more about, please consult with your accountant or financial professional if you should have further questions.  If you are in need of such a professional, Equitable Mediation Services offers links to such individuals on our Helpful Links page.  If you have any questions about divorce, mediation or to learn more about the benefits of mediation please feel free to contact us and we’d be happy to set up a free, no obligation consultation in your home or one of our six New Jersey office locations.