Ever since the news that Al and Tipper Gore are splitting the media is having a field day calling it a Gray divorce, Elder divorce, Mature divorce or Silver Divorce but no matter how you refer to it remember to use divorce mediation to settle your differences.  Now you may think that counter-intuitive since you’ve been married a long time and have significant assets at stake and therefore should go and hire the most vicious attorney you can but that’s the exact reason why you should use divorce mediation.  I’m figuring you would rather keep your assets for retirement or to pay for your children’s weddings instead of spending them on legal fees.

About 15% of the clients we see here at Equitable Mediation Services are what we would classify as an Elder divorce or Mature divorce.  The typical profile looks like this:

• Married 25+ years
• No minor children (under the age of 18) living with them
• Parties in their late 50′s (or older) and either retired or very close to it

In these cases Equitable Distribution of marital assets and liabilities and Spousal Support (formerly known as Alimony) are of utmost important while the notions of Parenting Plans or Child Support are of no concern since the children have now all grown.   While couples going through a Gray divorce or a Silver Divorce, Pension Valuation, Retirement Asset distribution and housing are all of significant concern.

My name is Joseph Dillon and as a NJ divorce mediator who not only is one of only 100 Accredited Professional Mediators in New Jersey but also holds a Master’s degree in Finance, I can help you and your spouse with the extremely complex asset division that a Mature divorce most certainly brings.  Over the next few posts I’m going to take an in-depth look at the issues facing those going through a Gray divorce, Elder divorce or Silver Divorce in the hopes of providing you with the information you need to see that divorce mediation truly is the smarter way to divorce, no matter what your age or circumstances.

We’ll take a look at the issues surrounding the Equitable Distribution of marital assets and liabilities such as:

• The valuation and division of retirement and pension accounts
• The valuation and division of any physical property such as the marital home or rental properties and where will you will live once you are divorced
• Taxation issues facing older couples
• The division of debt and the impact it may have on your credit score

We’ll also examine some of the critical issues surrounding Spousal Support (formerly known as Alimony) including:

• How do we agree on an appropriate amount of Spousal Support?
• When does it end and what exactly defines a “change in circumstances?”

So whether you call it a mature divorce, a Gray divorce, Elder divorce, Mature divorce or Silver Divorce, the fact is you have a choice in how you proceed. If you have any questions about divorce, the mediation process and how divorce mediation can benefit you, please contact us to set up a consultation for you and your spouse in one of our many convenient Northern or Central New Jersey locations where we will discuss the specifics of your case and explain how mediation can help you both move forward peacefully and efficiently saving you time, money and headaches in the process and check back to our blog frequently for the next article in the series.

The equitable distribution of real estate during divorce mediation has become one of the most emotional parts of the mediation conversation due to the recent housing crisis.  But if there’s one thing I’ve learned as a New Jersey divorce mediator with an MBA in Finance, it’s that the division of marital assets such as real estate must be a rational and businesslike conversation.  Below you will find some issues you need to watch out for to make sure the equitable distribution of your real estate during divorce mediation goes according to plan.

1. one party has decided to purchase the home from the other - Some couples we see at Equitable Mediation Services like to take care of as much paperwork prior to the actual divorce as possible.  Trouble is, if you sign over your rights to the deed to the marital home and are still on the mortgage, you’ve got no property but a whole lot of debt.  It is important to remember to not sign away your rights to the house until your name is off the mortgage.
2. the parties have agreed to let one of them live there until the house is sold (short term) - it is quite common for one party to move out while the home is placed for sale pending the couple’s divorce but what happens in the meantime?  Who pays the mortgage and utilities?  Do you split the cost of the home or make arrangements for a predetermined amount of spousal support to begin in order to maintain it until it is sold? Do you then agree that spousal support began on an earlier date and will terminate sooner or the party supplementing the home will receive a larger share of the proceeds?
3. the parties have agreed to let one of them live there until the house is sold (long term) – who will take care of the basic payments such as the mortgage, utilities, basic maintenance and capital improvements such as a new roof or driveway?  Who gets the mortgage deduction and tax deduction?  Who gets to decide when the house goes up for sale? In this case it’s best to consult with your New Jersey divorce mediator or accountant as this situation get quite complex.
4. the parties have agreed to sell the house at a loss – are you going to use a short sale or pay the debt outright between the difference in sale price and what is owed on the mortgage?  Who will bring that cash to the closing?  In the case of a investment property, who will get that tax deductible loss?  The person that benefits from it the most? Do you split it evenly?  Other?

As you can see these are extremely complex issues and not ones to be handled on your own.  Your New Jersey divorce mediator can make sure your Memorandum of Understanding has the necessary language to outline your agreements in order to avoid difficulties down the road as for most couples, the marital home is their largest assets.  If you need assistance with the equitable distribution of real estate or any other matter related to your divorce or divorce mediation please feel free to contact the offices of Equitable Mediation Services as we’d be glad to help.

One of the most difficult issues facing a couple in divorce mediation these days is the issue of health insurance post-divorce.  You would think it would be spousal support / alimony or child support but oddly enough, the couples we see at Equitable Mediation Services manage to agree on these topics just fine 99% of the time.   I’ll spare you my soapbox lecture about health care in this country for another day as I’m a NJ divorce mediator and not a politician but suffice to say, often times the options aren’t good.

First is the idea of divorce from bed and board.  In New Jersey, there are no provisions for legal separation so divorce from bed and board was thought of as a way for couples to go through equitable distribution yet still be legally married.  This was especially important to couples where divorce may be viewed as a sin in certain religious circles.  A side benefit was it allowed couples to remain on each others health insurance plans since they were still technically married but over the years insurance companies have caught on to this and many have disallowed it explicitly.  Notice I said many and not all so perhaps this is an option you can consider just be sure to check with your insurance company and an attorney before you proceed.

Second is to just ask.  Because divorce is more prevalent in today’s society, some insurance companies are allowing ex-spouses to remain on policies at the same rate for up to three years, giving them time to consider their options when they’re through the divorce process and are thinking a bit more clearly.  That being said, it’s important your NJ divorce mediator puts this clause in the Memorandum of Understanding and outlines how long you will access to the insurance as well as how is it paid for.

Third is the option of COBRA.  From the Department of Labor’s website:  “COBRA provides certain former employees, retirees, spouses, former spouses, and dependent children the right to temporary continuation of health coverage at group rates. This coverage, however, is only available when coverage is lost due to certain specific events.” If negotiated during divorce mediation, you as an ex-spouse may have the option of paying for the insurance  you once had provided to you by your soon to be ex-spouse for a period of 18 months.  And while yes it will be more than expensive than it was before, at least it will give you time to consider your options while remaining covered.  Again make sure your NJ divorce mediator puts this clause in the Memorandum of Understanding.

If you have any questions about divorce mediation in NJ using mediation for divorce or how hiring a NJ divorce mediator can benefit you, please feel free to contact Equitable Mediation Services to schedule a free, no-obligation consultation in one of our nine North or Central New Jersey office locations.  Or feel free to visit the Equitable Mediation Services website where you’ll find lots of great information about parenting plans, equitable distribution, NJ child support and spousal support / alimony and contact us when you’re ready.

DISCLAIMER: This article is not intended to give any legal advice and I am neither for or against using any of these options in your particular circumstances so be sure to check with the appropriate sources to determine the feasibility or applicability in your particular situation.