Equitable Mediation Services » Child Support

Using Mediation for NJ Child Support Modification

Joseph F Dillon — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 13:25:34 +0000

In today’s difficult economy, many of the calls we’ve been receiving at Equitable Mediation Services have to do with using mediation for NJ child support modification for couples who are already divorced and have experienced a “change in circumstance.” If the scary “freeze frame” below doesn’t cause you to turn away (God bless YouTube and their editing software…), I invite you to check out this video that explains more about using mediation for NJ child support modification and see if you think it can be helpful in your particular circumstances.

One thing that’s important to remember is that children should not become the economic victims of divorce and therefore, even if you have lost your job, you as a parent will have to do whatever it takes to ensure that they get the financial resources they deserve in order to lead and happy and healthy life. As a NJ divorce mediator I am often asked “if I lost my job how do you expect me to pay child support?” to which I answer: “if you were still married and lost your job, wouldn’t you still find a way to make sure you child got the resources they needed, even at your own detriment?” That usually ends the conversation since as parents, we know we’d do anything for our children and so the same rules apply even if you’re divorced.

Where using mediation for NJ child support modification can come in handy is in working out an arrangement perhaps for extraordinary expenses in situations where you have agreed to share them in proportion to your current gross incomes. Just because you lost your job doesn’t mean that your child isn’t going to want to play football or need to go to the doctor, it just means you’ll have to be creative as parents how you go about making sure that happens. Mediation and post-divorce parent coordination is a perfect forum to sit down with a neutral third party Accredited Professional Mediator like myself and discuss the issues. By working together as parents and not as ex-spouses, we can ensure that the focus remains not on the status of your relationship but on the needs of the most important individuals, your children. Remember – you may no longer be husband and wife but you’ll always be mom and dad.

If you have any questions about divorce mediation in NJ using mediation for divorce or how hiring a NJ divorce mediator can benefit you, please feel free to contact Equitable Mediation Services to schedule a consultation in one of our Northern or Central New Jersey office locations. Or feel free to visit the Equitable Mediation Services website where you’ll find lots of great information about parenting plans, equitable distribution, NJ child support and spousal support / alimony and contact us when you’re ready.

Calculating Child Support Using Mediation for Divorce

Joseph F Dillon — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 14:00:17 +0000

As a Divorce Mediator in NJ, it is my job to help client couples come to fair and equitable agreements surrounding the four main areas of divorce: parenting plans, equitable distribution, child support and spousal support (also known as alimony). And while parenting plans can be decided by the parents and the equitable distribution of your assets and liabilities and spousal support / alimony can be agreed upon by adults, there is one area when using mediation for divorce that is really driven by the children: child support. In the last post on the Equitable Mediation Services blog, we talked about the calculating of alimony when using mediation for divorce and how there is no set formula and the parties work through the numbers based on their budgets and conversations had in mediation. But how does it work when it comes to child support? While there is a formula, which does make our lives a bit easier when it comes to establishing a support amount, as parents you each still have the flexibility to make arrangements that suit your particular circumstance and your children’s needs.

There are some common misconceptions when it comes to calculating child support. First is that only one of you is paying child support and that is not true. The child support award calculated during mediation represents the non-residential parent’s (or PAR) share of the support. It does not represent the total amount it costs to raise the child so in effect the residential parent (or PPR) is paying some level of child support. Second is that the child support award is the full amount each parent has to pay for the support of their children. This too is false. When calculating child support using mediation for divorce, it represents the minimum cost of basic support and does not include what is referred to as “extraordinary items” such as car insurance, study abroad trips or college. Last is that all child support stops when the minor child turns 18. Again, not entirely true. Yes the basic calculated child support award amount stops but if the child goes to college, there will be expenses you are each potentially responsible for with regard to that. If the child commutes there may even be a limited extension of the basic child support award calculated so again, it’s best to work with a Divorce Mediator in NJ to ensure that you each fully understand your obligations as parents both from a parenting perspective as well as a financial one. Calculating child support using mediation for divorce is the best way to ensure that your children receive the resources they need in order to not become the economic victims of divorce. Remember: while you may no longer be husband and wife, you will always be mom and dad.

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Joseph Dillon is a Professional Accredited Divorce Mediator in NJ and the owner of Equitable Mediation Services a New Jersey divorce mediation practice serving Somerset, Mercer, Middlesex, Essex, Morris, Monmouth and Hunterdon counties including the towns of Edison, Parsippany, East Brunswick, West Orange, Bridgewater, South Brunswick, Hillsborough, Livingston, Randolph, Maplewood, West Windsor, Summit, Plainsboro, Millburn, Morristown, Montgomery, Madison, Readington, Branchburg, Warren, Princeton, Metuchen, Lawrenceville, Pennington, Short Hills, Bernards, Bedminster, Colts Neck, Holmdel, Roseland, Montclair and surrounding areas.

NJ Divorce Mediation Child Support Alimony and Living Together

Joseph F Dillon — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 08:00:51 +0000

In our previous two posts we discussed how couples who use NJ divorce mediation can draft agreements regarding parenting plans and the equitable distribution of marital assets and liabilities in advance of their pending divorce and file when they are ready. Given the economic times we are living in, it may be in a couple’s best financial interest to remain married for a variety of reasons (housing, health insurance, employment status being tenuous etc.) and file somewhere down the road. Some couples I see as a NJ divorce mediator tell me they plan on waiting years to file. Well years may be a bit much but for couples who wish to wait a few months or maybe even a year, using divorce mediation in NJ is the smartest route one can take no matter what your time line. In today’s final post in the series, we’ll look at two of the most complex divorce mediation topics: child support and alimony. Given the emotions surrounding them, it’s no surprise they are often the most difficult to get agreement on from couples in divorce mediation in New Jersey. Factor into this child support is a formulaic calculation that uses a software program and a set of NJ Child Support Guidelines while spousal support (or alimony as it is commonly referred to) is not calculated at all and is loosely based on a series of spousal support / alimony statutory factors (which in the opinion of this NJ divorce mediator are vague at best) create quite a dilemma.

From our equitable distribution conversations, you have an idea of how your major assets and liabilities are to be divided. That being said, one of the most important decisions when it come to calculating both child support and alimony is the the decision on housing. Are you going to sell the marital home or will one of you live in it? Will you reimburse the other party for their equitable distribution or will they wait to be reimbursed until you decide to sell it? All of these decisions go to (a) where will you all live (b) how much money each of you will have for housing and (c) how much each of you will need to live your post-marital life. In addition to the parenting plans we developed earlier, this is a major factor in how we calculate child support and alimony. If we can have the conversations we need to have, then determining an appropriate amount child support and alimony becomes a lot easier. You may even establish separate bank accounts and begin the paying of child support and alimony and then behave as if you were roommates and share the household expenses as you see fit. Then you file whenever you’re comfortable because after all, it’s your divorce, isn’t it so should that be up to you?

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Another Reason to Use Mediation: Child Support Warrants

Joseph F Dillon — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 13:40:15 +0000

In an article in today’s Newark Star Leger, it was reported that 864 warrants were served to delinquent parents who either skipped out on paying child support or that no child support order existed altogether. The crackdown led to the collection of nearly $165,000 in unpaid child support orders and represented one of the largest sweeps of it’s kind in New Jersey with all 21 counties participating in the operation over a three day period. As a New Jersey divorce mediator I can tell you that while most divorcing couples understand that child support is an obligation they both have to the children and that children should not become the economic victims of divorce, not everyone fully agrees. In these cases, it’s often the disagreement the parents have that leads to the child being penalized. If you surveyed 1000 divorced parents, I could all but guarantee you that 999 of them when asked the question” do you want to be a good parent” would say “yes.” I’ve never met a person who said “no, I do not want to be a good parent to my child after my divorce.” So then the question becomes why not pay support?

What we see during post divorce parent coordination is that some disagreement between the two individuals has led to one withholding financial remuneration as a way of penalizing the other parent. Usually the amounts are rather small in nature with most being less than $50 but after a few years taken in total, they can really add up. Or if we’re discussing regular child support obligations during divorce mediation sessions, that cover the basics such as food, shelter and clothing, the issue becomes one parent feels they are the only one paying child support. As we mentioned in our last article, you are both technically paying child support even though one of you is writing the check. The greatest misunderstanding we have with clients of Equitable Mediation Services is that only one of them is actually paying child support which is simply untrue. Second in line is the misconception that the amount will be some unreasonable dollar figure that they simply cannot afford (also untrue). Basic support awards are based on a number of factors such as income of both parties, the number of overnights the children spend with each of you, etc. Support obligations start as low as $5 a week with the thought being New Jersey simply wants to ensure that you pay something towards the cost of your child. And while perhaps $5 a week is a lot of money to someone of very modest means, as a parent your responsibility lies with the child.

So what do you do? You use divorce mediation to settle your differences be they prior to your divorce or after it. Studies have shown that 50% of all court ordered child support orders are being followed one year later while 85% of mediated child support orders are. Why do you think this is? My theory is because no one likes to be told what to do and if you have a hand in creating your own agreement as divorce mediation or post divorce parent coordination allows you to do, you will be more likely to adhere to the tenants of that agreement and your child will get the support and resources they deserve.

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Equitable Mediation Services is a New Jersey divorce mediation practice serving Somerset, Mercer, Middlesex, Essex, Morris, Union and Hunterdon counties including the towns of Edison, Parsippany, East Brunswick, West Orange, Bridgewater, South Brunswick, Hillsborough, Livingston, Randolph, Maplewood, West Windsor, Summit, Plainsboro, Millburn, Morristown, Montgomery, Madison, Readington, Branchburg, Warren, Princeton, Metuchen, Lawrenceville, Pennington, Short Hills, Bernards, Bedminster and surrounding areas.

Dirty Tricks in Divorce Mediation Part 3

Joseph F Dillon — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 16:07:02 +0000

In today’s post I’d like to focus on child support in New Jersey and some of the games people play when discussing it. I know it may seem counter-intuitive if you’re a parent but sadly, more people than you’d think put their children in the middle of their divorce and use them as negotiating pawns. As we’ve previously discussed, for couples in New Jersey who are considering divorce mediation there are four major areas: parenting plans, equitable distribution, NJ child support and spousal support / alimony. As with all facets of divorce mediation , the parties are expected to negotiate in good faith while working in a collaborative manner but that’s not always the case especially when it comes to financial matters such as child support. Some of the tricks I’ve seen as a divorce mediator in New Jersey include:

Manipulating the alimony numbers to reduce child support - Depending on how long you have been married, your spousal support / alimony may be of a limited duration. And since spousal support / alimony is a factor in the calculation of child support in New Jersey you may get an artificially low child support number if your spousal support number is too high. Then when the alimony ends and the kids are still minors, you don’t have enough to cover their expenses. To offset this, prepare an expense budget for both your expenses alone and the kids expenses alone. This way you can see what you and the children really need in order to live.
Agreeing to a higher than calculated “fixed amount” of child support – I’ve seen one parent pressure the other to take a “one size fits all” number that is actually higher than the calculated guideline with the understanding that the first parent would not come to them for any additional expenses. Because the child support guidelines don’t include all those ancillary expenses that kids often incur, the number you agreed to because it was higher than what was calculated isn’t nearly enough to cover things like gifts, field trips, tutoring, child care, etc. The best way to get around this? Do a budget.
Dumping expenses on the residential parent – Just because the children live with one parent a majority of the time, it doesn’t always mean they should bear the brunt of all random expenses. When support is calculated, there is a certain amount of money earmarked for “discretionary” expenses but be careful as only 25% of the support award is officially designated to discretionary spending. Can you count on an ex-spouse to kick in for extras above 25%? Make sure you discuss this in mediation and be very clear about how discretionary spending will be decided upon, tracked and reimbursed as more often than not it doesn’t cover those $250 concert tickets or the latest designer clothes. These children belong to both of you and so do their expenses.

In our last post of the series, we’ll talk about spousal support / alimony but in the meantime should you have any questions about divorce mediation or how mediation can benefit you, please feel free to contact us to schedule a free, no-obligation consultation in one of our seven North or Central New Jersey office locations. Of if you’re simply not ready yet, feel free to visit the Equitable Mediation Services website where you’ll find lots of great information about parenting plans, equitable distribution, NJ child support and spousal support / alimony and contact us when you’re ready. We look forward to helping you get through your divorce peacefully, efficiently and with as little stress on you and your family as possible.

Mediation: Putting Kids First, Not in the Middle

Joseph F Dillon — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 17:43:51 +0000

As a NJ divorce mediator, I am all too familiar with the horror stories of divorce: endless court battles, parents arguing trying to “win” instead of working together to “resolve,” the ridiculous costs and for what? Do you think your child will love you more because you spent $50,000 in court proving to yourself that mommy / daddy was a (fill in the blank) _________ ? Do you think years from now they will remember the lost days playing in the yard or how hard you fought in court to win their undying love and affection? How about the impact of watching the two of you scream and yell at each other when they get older? Any thoughts on that? Here at Equitable Mediation Services, we work to change all of that by putting kids first and not in the middle of what is most certainly an adult issue: divorce.

We do this in three ways:

Making the Parenting Plan our first item of discussion. In my experience, starting with the parenting plan allows us to put the focus of your divorce squarely where it belongs. On your children. By defining your responsibilities as parents, we can then move forward and temper our agreements on the other three main areas of divorce equitable distribution, child support and spousal support (alimony) making sure they mesh with what you have both decided is best for your children.
Developing a realistic “budget based” child support amount. it’s no secret that the State of NJ has what is commonly referred to as the New Jersey Child Support guidelines but let’s be realistic: your child isn’t a statistic they are a living being and should be treated as such. In my experience, I know that every child is unique and deserves to be treated that way. That’s why we use a budget based approach as well as the State of NJ child support guidelines so that we can make sure that your child’s needs are being met. Not the generic needs of some average child whom you’ve never met and really doesn’t exist except on paper.
We teach you to communicate. I think it’s a fair statement to say that many of the divorcing couples we see at Equitable Mediation Services have difficulty communicating. But when it comes to your children, this is unacceptable. They need the two of you to ensure that their needs are met and their future is secure and how can you do that if you either aren’t on speaking terms or are spending all of your time arguing? By ensuring we have a detailed and robust parenting plan and realistic NJ child support guidelines calculated, we can focus more on raising our children than arguing over the little details that often trip couples up when they come into our offices post divorce. The lack of a detailed parenting plan (in my experience) is a major contributing factor to post divorce parenting issues. With divorce mediation, we make sure we have that covered and then some.

If you have any questions about divorce mediation or how mediation can benefit you, please feel free to contact us to schedule a free, no-obligation consultation in one of our seven North or Central New Jersey office locations where we will take some time to get to know more about you and your situation and see if mediation is right for you. Of if you’re simply not ready yet, feel free to visit the Equitable Mediation Services website where you’ll find lots of great information about parenting plans, equitable distribution, NJ child support and spousal support / alimony and contact us when you’re ready. We look forward to helping you get through your divorce peacefully, efficiently and with as little stress on you and your family as possible.

Do-it-yourself-divorce: You Get What You Pay For

Joseph F Dillon — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 14:04:42 +0000

These days about 10% of the calls we get at Equitable Mediation Services are from divorcing couples in New Jersey who are seeking alternatives to the high cost of divorce and are considering doing it on their own. Seeking cheap alternatives such as those found on banner ads or late night infomercials, these folks are looking for a way to separate yet still retain the assets they’ve worked so hard to acquire over the course of their life and marriage. When these calls come in I ask them to consider this: what does “cheap divorce” really mean and more importantly, what problems are secretly lying in wait for you one, five, ten or twenty years down the road? A typical trip to court is approximately $25,000 and while that $299 do-it-yourself divorce looked great on paper, now that it’s costing you more than it would have cost to mediate and do it right, it’s not looking like a bargain now, is it?

As a divorce mediator in New Jersey I think of it as a “you can pay now or you can pay later” type scenario as I can tell you this: issues that you weren’t even thinking about at the time you filled out those quickie divorce forms will come back to bite you, I can promise you that. But with divorce mediation, you can properly cover all aspects of your divorce and draft all the necessary paperwork to have your divorce filed with the courts for about 1/10th it would cost you to hire a lawyer and litigate and most certainly cost you less than it will to deal with whatever may come your way at some unknown point in the future.

According to Fadi Baradihi, CEO of the Institute for Divorce Financial Analysis:

“Do-it-yourself divorce is very likely to create time-bombs for couples who do not understand the legal and financial implications of the agreement they have created and signed using a kit or online service. This is where a financial professional trained in the special issues of divorce can really help.”

When you think about it, divorce is really a large financial contract as three of the four main areas of divorce are monetary in nature:

Equitable Distribution of Marital Assets and Liabilities – this section outlines the financial arrangements of marital property as well as who is responsible for marital debt and the amounts each of you will either receive or be responsible for. Given the tax implications of certain types of assets, the liquidity or how readily available they are for split and distribution as well as the financial impact certain debt structures may have on you and your credit rating and credit worthiness, this is a conversation better left to a person who is trained in such complex financial matters.
New Jersey Child Support – as the name implies, this complex financial calculation will tell each of you what amount of support it will take in order to raise your children from age 0 to age 17 as well as outline how the additional expenditures not covered by the New Jersey Child Support guidelines will be handled. Again, not a subject to take lightly as these are your children we are talking about here and their care is paramount in any divorce proceeding.
Spousal Support / Alimony – unlike child support, spousal support in New Jersey (formerly known as alimony) is a very vague and gray area with no hard and fast guidelines. How do you really know if you’re going to be able to take care of yourself and if the amount of spousal support / alimony is really sufficient for your particular situation? Again, something better left to professionals trained in this area.

The fourth area covered during mediation sessions is that of the Parenting Plan. And while there are no real in-depth discussions regarding money during this portion of mediation, there are downstream financial implications that come with the parenting arrangements you agree to so you really do need someone who is aware of all of this. None of this information will be contained in your Internet “do-it-yourself” divorce kit – that is for certain.

As a NJ divorce mediator with a background in law and a masters degree in Finance, I have handled such complex financial matters for more than 18 years and am familiar with the intricacies that divorce and divorce mediation require. By working with both of you to come to agreements that are fair and equitable to each, I have the experience to help guide you through the tough conversations you’ll need to have in order to peacefully and efficiently resolve all of the issues surrounding your divorce. Along the way I’ll provide you with the legal and financial information you need to make an informed decision and if something comes up that you’re not comfortable with or you need additional guidance, we have a team of professionals in all areas of finance and law that can assist you to get you the help you need. So when you think about it, why take the chance on a do-it-yourself divorce when a professionally mediated divorce will wind up costing you less in the long run anyway?

Divorce Mediation and Parenting Plans Part 4

Joseph F Dillon — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 13:13:09 +0000

In this the last of the Equitable Mediation Services‘ four part series on parenting plans, we’ll take a look at the miscellaneous items that while many divorcing couples fail to discuss up front, can cause a series of headaches down the road and lead to discord and resentment as the years go on. With all the stress and confusion a divorce can bring, the last thing on a couple’s mind are such small things but as they say, the devil is in the details. Yes, in the scheme of things, they may not seem that important but having agreement on such items early on can lead to much less acrimony down the road and set the tone for how you interact vis a vis your children as parents since they will be the one thing that keeps you in communication for many years to come.

The first thing to consider is that of parenting styles. Certainly each of you has different parenting styles and now that you you will be living apart, you will each have an opportunity to impart your particular style upon your children. It is important to make sure however that you and your ex-spouse share certain basic rules in order to establish a foundation of parenting. It will be important to avoid the “but at mom’s house she let’s me do X” or “dad let’s me stay up until 11pm, why can’t I do that here?” syndrome so establishing a few basic rules of the road can be helpful to avoid that shock as kids move back and forth from house to house.

Another item to discuss in mediation is that of money spent on or by the kids. Children don’t always understand that the amount of money one spends on you does not equate to how much they love you so it will be important for both of you to set a budget for how much money you are going to spend on the kids for their birthdays or major holidays and stick to it. You don’t want to have them coming home from mom’s house telling you as the dad “mom bought me a 65 inch flat screen television and a new dirt bike and it was awesome!” while all you picked up from the store were some new socks and sweater since the budget was supposedly set at $50 for their birthday. Speaking of birthday’s, it seems that kids these days get invited to all sorts of birthday parties. Let’s say you have two kids and they each get invited to two parties per month. Not an unreasonable amount. That’s 4 gifts you have to buy and figuring you’re going to spend $20 per gift, that’s $80 a month or nearly $1000 per year on simple birthday gifts! Who pays for this? Usually the PPR (parent of primary residence) but is that fair? Is that amount being included in your New Jersey Child Support calculation? Probably not. Yet that is an added expense that over the years can really add up and if you’re the one always paying it, I’m betting you’re going to be pretty annoyed as the years go by so it’s best to talk about how these things are going to be handled up front.

The last one I’ll leave you with is the ever popular allowance. Sure your kids may be too young to get one as of now but as the years go by and they are continually going to the “First National Bank of Dad” for $20 at a time, those payout will really add up. And while I hope you and your ex find yourselves in a position where you can hand out $20 bills like candy to trick or treaters on Halloween, chances are good for the first few years it’s not going to be that easy and thus, you’re going to want to talk about this. Yes, some of these figures are included in your New Jersey Child Support amounts for discretionary spending but with the cost of things these days, it seems like those monthly payments don’t go as far as they used to so be sure to discuss it up front and set limits. By following these simple steps and setting some basic rules and expectations up front, I can promise you, it will make for a much smoother ride down the road because honestly, parenting is hard enough without the added stress a divorce can bring.

If you have any questions about divorce mediation or how mediation can benefit you, please feel free to contact us to schedule a free, no-obligation consultation in one of our six central New Jersey office locations where we will take some time to get to know more about you and your situation and see if mediation is right for you. Of if you’re simply not ready yet, feel free to visit the Equitable Mediation Services website where you’ll find lots of great information about parenting plans, equitable distribution, NJ child support and spousal support / alimony and contact us when you’re ready. We look forward to helping you get through your divorce peacefully, efficiently and with as little stress on you and your family as possible.

Insurance and Divorce: Think Carefully.

Joseph F Dillon — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 13:26:19 +0000

For many folks going through a divorce , I am certain insurance is the last thing they think of but as their New Jersey divorce mediator I say: think again. For regular readers of this blog, you know that divorce mediation in New Jersey covers four major areas:

The parenting plan;
Equitable distribution of marital assets and liabilities;
New Jersey child support; and
Spousal support (formerly known as alimony)

But if you read this list closely, no where does it say insurance. So why is insurance so important you ask?

If you’re like most of us here in New Jersey, the high cost of living is already pushing you to the limit. Between property taxes, food, transportation and housing costs, living here can be a real drain on anyone’s budget. Now you’re getting a divorce and suddenly your expenses have shot up. No longer can you enjoy the benefits of co-habitation from a financial perspective as each of you will now be responsible for your own Internet connection, your own car insurance (ever try to insure a car in New Jersey? You need a home equity loan to do it), your own utilities, housing etc. Your costs have in effect nearly doubled because you are no longer sharing a residence with someone else who can also help share in the costs associated with living. Sure there is child support in New Jersey and spousal support / alimony for those who can agree to such an arrangement but what happens at the end of the day when the payor is no longer of this Earth? Will these payments that you need to live on come from beyond the grave or are you one of the lucky ones who happens to be independently wealthy and is not in need of child support or alimony?

If you’re like 99.9% of divorcing couples in New Jersey, you need to be prepared for what may unexpectedly come. That’s why insurance should be a vital part of your divorce mediation conversation and be specifically outlined in your Memorandum of Understanding (or MOU). For some, insurance can seem like yet another unnecessary expense in the cost of divorce when in fact, it can save you a lot of heartache and strain in the years to come should you ever need it. There are two types of insurance we talk about with clients of Equitable Mediation Services and they are disability insurance and life insurance. Each of these insurance types serves a different purposes but both in my humble opinion are equally important. I know usually as a NJ divorce mediator I don’t get an opinion but this time, I’m going to share mine with you.

The first, disability insurance, is specifically designed to cover you should you ever get injured and be unable to work. This type of insurance will provide an income stream for you that you can use to make your support payments such as child support or spousal support and make sure that your children or ex-spouse never goes without should be unable to provide. Now I know what you’re thinking “this is great Joe, I already have this through my employer so I’m all set.” Think again. Check your benefit amount and see what percentage of your salary it pays. Is it 40%, 60% or if you’re lucky 100%? Remember: it’s going to be more expensive to live apart that it was together and you will not have anyone helping pay your bills if all of your money has to go for child support or spousal support / alimony. Another thing to keep in mind is that if your MOU does not mandate that you each have disability insurance and one of you gets laid off, there goes the employer insurance benefit. With unemployment rates approaching 10%, will you be one of the 1 in 10 that has no employer sponsored disability insurance? Maybe you are already unemployed and this may be yet another cost for you to carry but think it through carefully. Are you in a high risk occupation that may increase your chances of being injured on the job and being unable to provide for your children or ex-spouse or have a health condition which may do the same?

Which brings us to the second type: life insurance. Now I know what you’re thinking on this one. “I am going to leave all my stuff to my kids anyway so if I should die, they’ll inherit my estate and they’ll be taken care of so no worries here.” Think again. Let’s just say you get remarried and by some very strange, slim chance, your new spouse did not happen to be as in love with your children as you are. You pass on and now there is a battle for your estate which gets tied up in courts because you either didn’t write a will or your will was unclear or out of date. The estate is depleted by the lawyers and justice system and your children are left with no money to either receive their New Jersey child support or pay their college tuition that was promised to them. Now what? I’m not really sure but I wouldn’t want to be embroiled in this legal battle which if you read the papers, you know happens every day.

So what should take away from all of this? Involve an insurance professional in your divorce mediation from the start. With some careful planning and honest discussions during your divorce mediation sessions, you can both plan a future that ensures no one becomes an economic victim of divorce. If you have any questions about divorce mediation or how mediation can benefit you, please feel free to contact us to schedule a free, no-obligation consultation in one of our six central New Jersey office locations where we will take some time to get to know more about you and your situation and see if mediation is right for you. Of if you’re simply not ready yet, feel free to visit the Equitable Mediation Services website where you’ll find lots of great information about parenting plans, equitable distribution, NJ child support and spousal support / alimony and contact us when you’re ready. We look forward to helping you get through your divorce peacefully, efficiently and with as little stress on you and your family as possible.

Divorce Mediation Can Make the Complex, Simple

Joseph F Dillon — Tue, 26 May 2009 13:41:14 +0000

Perhaps it’s the portrayal of divorce in the media or the stories we hear about celebrity divorces and how they fight over what seem to be inane things gives divorce its reputation as being a nasty business. I can tell you as a divorce mediator in New Jersey most of the couples I see using our mediation services aren’t looking to make a circus out of their split but rather get through things relatively peacefully and amicably so I often wonder: does divorce have to be that hard? Do the people who have these knock down, drag out divorce proceedings know about divorce mediation and if not, why? Do they not realize that at the end of the day it all boils down to just four things: Parenting Plans, Equitable Distribution of Marital Assets and Liabilities, New Jersey Child Support and Spousal Support / Alimony? If you want drama, may I suggest you rent a movie or tune into daytime TV but if you want to get through your divorce may I suggest you try mediation.

You see when you strip away the emotion which I know can sometimes be hard to do given the nature of divorce and the hurt that sometimes surrounds it, you can boil it down to its basic elements which I have mentioned above. And while I am not trying to sound callous by any means nor am I a proponent of divorce, I want you and your family to get through the process with as little harm being done to all of you as possible. If you and your soon to be ex-spouse spend all of your time trying to beat each other up during your divorce, what time and energy will you have for your children? Will you really be able to be present for them at a time when they probably need you more than ever since their world is being torn apart as well? By staying focused on the process and the four main issues you can make what seems like an endlessly complex issue, simple.

Here are some things to remember when going through divorce mediation that can help keep things focused. By keeping these tips in your mind for each of the four main areas, I believe most couples can come to an agreement in less time, with less stress and a much lower cost that by taking an attorney-driven route and really enjoy the benefits of mediation.

The Parenting Plan: it is in the best interest of your child to spend as much time with both of you as possible. If one of you has sole custody and the children never see their other parent, that may make you feel like you’ve won but believe me, the children will feel like they’ve lost. And they have.
Equitable Distribution: While the laws vary from state to state, for divorce mediation in New Jersey, the financial settlement must be fair and equitable. If it’s tilted heavily in one parties favor, it’s not going to pass muster no matter how much you want to take you soon to be ex-spouse to the cleaners.
New Jersey Child Support: remember both of you are paying child support. It just so happens that one of you is writing the check to the other party. If you think that the $x per month you send to your ex-spouse covers all of your child’s expenses, you are sadly mistaken. Each of you is responsible for your child’s financial well-being and child support only covers a part of it. So please don’t walk around complaining about how much you pay in child support. These are your children too, remember?
Spousal Support / Alimony: the payment of spousal support or alimony is not meant to bankrupt one of you while making the other one of you rich. It is simply intended to help offset the differences in earning capabilities between the two of you and help equalize your lifestyles post divorce. If the amount you request is unreasonable, it won’t fly, especially if the other party simply cannot pay it. So sorry to be the one to break this to you but you will not be getting $10,000,000 a year in alimony because your friend who knows a guy whose old college roommate used to be a lawyer told you so. Sorry.

Just remember as a New Jersey divorce mediator my job is to help manage the process and make the complex, simple. It is entirely up to you if you want to come to a settlement so ask yourself: can you follow the four simple rules above? If so, look into mediation as it just might be the answer you’ve been looking for.