In our previous two posts we discussed how couples who use NJ divorce mediation can draft agreements regarding parenting plans and the equitable distribution of marital assets and liabilities in advance of their pending divorce and file when they are ready.  Given the economic times we are living in, it may be in a couple’s best financial interest to remain married for a variety of reasons (housing, health insurance, employment status being tenuous etc.) and file somewhere down the road.  Some couples I see as a NJ divorce mediator tell me they plan on waiting years to file.  Well years may be a bit much but for couples who wish to wait a few months or maybe even a year, using divorce mediation in NJ is the smartest route one can take no matter what your time line.  In today’s final post in the series, we’ll look at two of the most complex divorce mediation topics: child support and alimony.  Given the emotions surrounding them, it’s no surprise they are often the most difficult to get agreement on from couples in divorce mediation in New Jersey.  Factor into this child support is a formulaic calculation that uses a software program and a set of NJ Child Support Guidelines while spousal support (or alimony as it is commonly referred to) is not calculated at all and is loosely based on a series of spousal support / alimony statutory factors (which in the opinion of this NJ divorce mediator are vague at best) create quite a dilemma.

From our equitable distribution conversations, you have an idea of how your major assets and liabilities are to be divided.  That being said, one of the most important decisions when it come to calculating both child support and alimony is the the decision on housing.  Are you going to sell the marital home or will one of you live in it?  Will you reimburse the other party for their equitable distribution or will they wait to be reimbursed until you decide to sell it?  All of these decisions go to (a) where will you all live (b) how much money each of you will have for housing and (c) how much each of you will need to live your post-marital life.  In addition to the parenting plans we developed earlier, this is a major factor in how we calculate child support and alimony.  If we can have the conversations we need to have, then determining an appropriate amount child support and alimony becomes a lot easier.  You may even establish separate bank accounts and begin the paying of child support and alimony and then behave as if you were roommates and share the household expenses as you see fit.  Then you file whenever you’re comfortable because after all, it’s your divorce, isn’t it so should that be up to you?

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Joseph Dillon is a Professional Accredited Divorce Mediator in NJ and the owner of Equitable Mediation Services a New Jersey divorce mediation practice serving Somerset, Mercer, Middlesex, Essex, Morris, Monmouth and Hunterdon counties including the towns of Edison, Parsippany, East Brunswick, West Orange, Bridgewater, South Brunswick, Hillsborough, Livingston, Randolph, Maplewood, West Windsor, Summit, Plainsboro, Millburn, Morristown, Montgomery, Madison, Readington, Branchburg, Warren, Princeton, Metuchen, Lawrenceville, Pennington, Short Hills, Bernards, Bedminster, Colts Neck, Holmdel, Roseland, Montclair and surrounding areas.

In an article in today’s Newark Star Leger, it was reported that 864 warrants were served to delinquent parents who either skipped out on paying child support or that no child support order existed altogether.  The crackdown led to the collection of nearly $165,000 in unpaid child support orders and represented one of the largest sweeps of it’s kind in New Jersey with all 21 counties participating in the operation over a three day period.  As a New Jersey divorce mediator I can tell you that while most divorcing couples understand that child support is an obligation they both have to the children and that children should not become the economic victims of divorce, not everyone fully agrees.  In these cases, it’s often the disagreement the parents have that leads to the child being penalized.  If you surveyed 1000 divorced parents, I could all but guarantee you that 999 of them when asked the question” do you want to be a good parent” would say “yes.”  I’ve never met a person who said “no, I do not want to be a good parent to my child after my divorce.”  So then the question becomes why not pay support?

What we see during post divorce parent coordination is that some disagreement between the two individuals has led to one withholding financial remuneration as a way of penalizing the other parent.  Usually the amounts are rather small in nature with most being less than $50 but after a few years taken in total, they can really add up.   Or if we’re discussing regular child support obligations during divorce mediation sessions, that cover the basics such as food, shelter and clothing, the issue becomes one parent feels they are the only one paying child support.  As we mentioned in our last article, you are both technically paying child support even though one of you is writing the check.  The greatest misunderstanding we have with clients of Equitable Mediation Services is that only one of them is actually paying child support which is simply untrue.  Second in line is the misconception that the amount will be some unreasonable dollar figure that they simply cannot afford (also untrue).  Basic support awards are based on a number of factors such as income of both parties, the number of overnights the children spend with each of you, etc.  Support obligations start as low as $5 a week with the thought being New Jersey simply wants to ensure that you pay something towards the cost of your child.  And while perhaps $5 a week is a lot of money to someone of very modest means, as a parent your responsibility lies with the child.

So what do you do?  You use divorce mediation to settle your differences be they prior to your divorce or after it.  Studies have shown that 50% of all court ordered child support orders are being followed one year later while 85% of mediated child support orders are.  Why do you think this is?  My theory is because no one likes to be told what to do and if you have a hand in creating your own agreement as divorce mediation or post divorce parent coordination allows you to do, you will be more likely to adhere to the tenants of that agreement and your child will get the support and resources they deserve.

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Equitable Mediation Services is a New Jersey divorce mediation practice serving Somerset, Mercer, Middlesex, Essex, Morris, Union and Hunterdon counties including the towns of Edison, Parsippany, East Brunswick, West Orange, Bridgewater, South Brunswick, Hillsborough, Livingston, Randolph, Maplewood, West Windsor, Summit, Plainsboro, Millburn, Morristown, Montgomery, Madison, Readington, Branchburg, Warren, Princeton, Metuchen, Lawrenceville, Pennington, Short Hills, Bernards, Bedminster and surrounding areas.

In today’s post I’d like to focus on child support in New Jersey and some of the games people play when discussing it.  I  know it may seem counter-intuitive if you’re a parent but sadly, more people than you’d think put their children in the middle of their divorce and use them as negotiating pawns.   As we’ve previously discussed, for couples in New Jersey who are considering divorce mediation there are four major areas: parenting plans, equitable distribution, NJ child support and spousal support / alimony.  As with all facets of divorce mediation , the parties are expected to negotiate in good faith while working in a collaborative manner but that’s not always the case especially when it comes to financial matters such as child support.  Some of the tricks I’ve seen as a divorce mediator in New Jersey include:

1. Manipulating the alimony numbers to reduce child support - Depending on how long you have been married, your spousal support / alimony may be of a limited duration.  And since spousal support / alimony is a factor in the calculation of child support in New Jersey you may get an artificially low child support number if your spousal support number is too high.  Then when the alimony ends and the kids are still minors, you don’t have enough to cover their expenses.  To offset this, prepare an expense budget for both your expenses alone and the kids expenses alone.  This way you can see what you and the children really need in order to live.
2. Agreeing to a higher than calculated “fixed amount” of child support – I’ve seen one parent pressure the other to take a “one size fits all” number that is actually higher than the calculated guideline with the understanding that the first parent would not come to them for any additional expenses.  Because the child support guidelines don’t include all those ancillary expenses that kids often incur, the number you agreed to because it was higher than what was calculated isn’t nearly enough to cover things like gifts, field trips, tutoring, child care, etc.  The best way to get around this? Do a budget.
3. Dumping expenses on the residential parent – Just because the children live with one parent a majority of the time, it doesn’t always mean they should bear the brunt of all random expenses.  When support is calculated, there is a certain amount of money earmarked for “discretionary” expenses but be careful as only 25% of the support award is officially designated to discretionary spending.  Can you count on an ex-spouse to kick in for extras above 25%?  Make sure you discuss this in mediation and be very clear about how discretionary spending will be decided upon, tracked and reimbursed as more often than not it doesn’t cover those $250 concert tickets or the latest designer clothes.  These children belong to both of you and so do their expenses.

In our last post of the series, we’ll talk about spousal support / alimony but in the meantime should you have any questions about divorce mediation or how mediation can benefit you, please feel free to contact us to schedule a free, no-obligation consultation in one of our seven North or Central New Jersey office locations.  Of if you’re simply not ready yet, feel free to visit the Equitable Mediation Services website where you’ll find lots of great information about parenting plans, equitable distribution, NJ child support and spousal support / alimony and contact us when you’re ready.  We look forward to helping you get through your divorce peacefully, efficiently and with as little stress on you and your family as possible.