In today’s difficult economy, many of the calls we’ve been receiving at Equitable Mediation Services have to do with using mediation for NJ child support modification for couples who are already divorced and have experienced a “change in circumstance.”  If the scary “freeze frame” below doesn’t cause you to turn away (God bless YouTube and their editing software…), I invite you to check out this video that explains more about using mediation for NJ child support modification and see if you think it can be helpful in your particular circumstances.

One thing that’s important to remember is that children should not become the economic victims of divorce and therefore, even if you have lost your job, you as a parent will have to do whatever it takes to ensure that they get the financial resources they deserve in order to lead and happy and healthy life.  As a NJ divorce mediator I am often asked “if I lost my job how do you expect me to pay child support?” to which I answer: “if you were still married and lost your job, wouldn’t you still find a way to make sure you child got the resources they needed, even at your own detriment?”  That usually ends the conversation since as parents, we know we’d do anything for our children and so the same rules apply even if you’re divorced.

Where using mediation for NJ child support modification can come in handy is in working out an arrangement perhaps for extraordinary expenses in situations where you have agreed to share them in proportion to your current gross incomes.  Just because you lost your job doesn’t mean that your child isn’t going to want to play football or need to go to the doctor, it just means you’ll have to be creative as parents how you go about making sure that happens.  Mediation and post-divorce parent coordination is a perfect forum to sit down with a neutral third party Accredited Professional Mediator like myself and discuss the issues.  By working together as parents and not as ex-spouses, we can ensure that the focus remains not on the status of your relationship but on the needs of the most important individuals, your children.  Remember – you may no longer be husband and wife but you’ll always be mom and dad.

If you have any questions about divorce mediation in NJ using mediation for divorce or how hiring a NJ divorce mediator can benefit you, please feel free to contact Equitable Mediation Services to schedule a consultation in one of our Northern or Central New Jersey office locations.  Or feel free to visit the Equitable Mediation Services website where you’ll find lots of great information about parenting plans, equitable distribution, NJ child support and spousal support / alimony and contact us when you’re ready.

As a Divorce Mediator in NJ, it is my job to help client couples come to fair and equitable agreements surrounding the four main areas of divorce: parenting plans, equitable distribution, child support and spousal support (also known as alimony).  And while parenting plans can be decided by the parents and the equitable distribution of your assets and liabilities and spousal support / alimony can be agreed upon by adults, there is one area when using mediation for divorce that is really driven by the children: child support.  In the last post on the Equitable Mediation Services blog, we talked about the calculating of alimony when using mediation for divorce and how there is no set formula and the parties work through the numbers based on their budgets and conversations had in mediation.  But how does it work when it comes to child support?  While there is a formula, which does make our lives a bit easier when it comes to establishing a support amount, as parents you each still have the flexibility to make arrangements that suit your particular circumstance and your children’s needs.

There are some common misconceptions when it comes to calculating child support.  First is that only one of you is paying child support and that is not true.  The child support award calculated during mediation represents the non-residential parent’s (or PAR) share of the support.  It does not represent the total amount it costs to raise the child so in effect the residential parent (or PPR) is paying some level of child support.  Second is that the child support award is the full amount each parent has to pay for the support of their children.  This too is false.  When calculating child support using mediation for divorce, it represents the minimum cost of basic support and does not include what is referred to as “extraordinary items” such as car insurance, study abroad trips or college. Last is that all child support stops when the minor child turns 18.  Again, not entirely true.  Yes the basic calculated child support award amount stops but if the child goes to college, there will be expenses you are each potentially responsible for with regard to that.  If the child commutes there may even be a limited extension of the basic child support award calculated so again,  it’s best to work with a Divorce Mediator in NJ to ensure that you each fully understand your obligations as parents both from a parenting perspective as well as a financial one.  Calculating child support using mediation for divorce is the best way to ensure that your children receive the resources they need in order to not become the economic victims of divorce.  Remember: while you may no longer be husband and wife, you will always be mom and dad.

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Joseph Dillon is a Professional Accredited Divorce Mediator in NJ and the owner of Equitable Mediation Services a New Jersey divorce mediation practice serving Somerset, Mercer, Middlesex, Essex, Morris, Monmouth and Hunterdon counties including the towns of Edison, Parsippany, East Brunswick, West Orange, Bridgewater, South Brunswick, Hillsborough, Livingston, Randolph, Maplewood, West Windsor, Summit, Plainsboro, Millburn, Morristown, Montgomery, Madison, Readington, Branchburg, Warren, Princeton, Metuchen, Lawrenceville, Pennington, Short Hills, Bernards, Bedminster, Colts Neck, Holmdel, Roseland, Montclair and surrounding areas.

In our previous two posts we discussed how couples who use NJ divorce mediation can draft agreements regarding parenting plans and the equitable distribution of marital assets and liabilities in advance of their pending divorce and file when they are ready.  Given the economic times we are living in, it may be in a couple’s best financial interest to remain married for a variety of reasons (housing, health insurance, employment status being tenuous etc.) and file somewhere down the road.  Some couples I see as a NJ divorce mediator tell me they plan on waiting years to file.  Well years may be a bit much but for couples who wish to wait a few months or maybe even a year, using divorce mediation in NJ is the smartest route one can take no matter what your time line.  In today’s final post in the series, we’ll look at two of the most complex divorce mediation topics: child support and alimony.  Given the emotions surrounding them, it’s no surprise they are often the most difficult to get agreement on from couples in divorce mediation in New Jersey.  Factor into this child support is a formulaic calculation that uses a software program and a set of NJ Child Support Guidelines while spousal support (or alimony as it is commonly referred to) is not calculated at all and is loosely based on a series of spousal support / alimony statutory factors (which in the opinion of this NJ divorce mediator are vague at best) create quite a dilemma.

From our equitable distribution conversations, you have an idea of how your major assets and liabilities are to be divided.  That being said, one of the most important decisions when it come to calculating both child support and alimony is the the decision on housing.  Are you going to sell the marital home or will one of you live in it?  Will you reimburse the other party for their equitable distribution or will they wait to be reimbursed until you decide to sell it?  All of these decisions go to (a) where will you all live (b) how much money each of you will have for housing and (c) how much each of you will need to live your post-marital life.  In addition to the parenting plans we developed earlier, this is a major factor in how we calculate child support and alimony.  If we can have the conversations we need to have, then determining an appropriate amount child support and alimony becomes a lot easier.  You may even establish separate bank accounts and begin the paying of child support and alimony and then behave as if you were roommates and share the household expenses as you see fit.  Then you file whenever you’re comfortable because after all, it’s your divorce, isn’t it so should that be up to you?

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Joseph Dillon is a Professional Accredited Divorce Mediator in NJ and the owner of Equitable Mediation Services a New Jersey divorce mediation practice serving Somerset, Mercer, Middlesex, Essex, Morris, Monmouth and Hunterdon counties including the towns of Edison, Parsippany, East Brunswick, West Orange, Bridgewater, South Brunswick, Hillsborough, Livingston, Randolph, Maplewood, West Windsor, Summit, Plainsboro, Millburn, Morristown, Montgomery, Madison, Readington, Branchburg, Warren, Princeton, Metuchen, Lawrenceville, Pennington, Short Hills, Bernards, Bedminster, Colts Neck, Holmdel, Roseland, Montclair and surrounding areas.