Telephone Mediation for Divorce

While the thought of telephone mediation for divorce may seem unusual, there can be many advantages to using this type of method when trying to peacefully and efficiently separate as a married couple.  Unlike traditional divorce mediation which is done face to face, with telephone mediation we each dial into a special conference call number that only the three of us have access to but the topics we cover are still the standard ones such as parenting plans, equitable distribution, child support and alimony.  So while the method we use to come to agreements and create your Memorandum of Understanding are different, the results are exactly the same.  And with telephone mediation, you may actually find yourself moving through the process more quickly as sometimes being in the same room with your soon to be ex-spouse can cause more headaches and arguments than if you were both off in your neutral corners.  Like the old saying goes about “out of sight, out of mind” in this case, out of sight may mean faster resolution.

Other benefits of telephone mediation may include:

1. More convenient: sessions may be scheduled at more convenient times thus preventing you from having to leave your job or take a day off just to come to mediation.  This is also very important for those clients whose jobs require them to travel extensively or they do not live in the State of New Jersey.  In these cases, telephone mediation can be performed from wherever you are as all you have to do is dial in and you’re all set.
2. Confidential: like traditional mediation, telephone mediation is completely confidential as only the three of us are on the telephone and can hear what is going on.  And unlike a face to face meeting, you will not step foot in an office building and perhaps run the risk of running into someone you know.  A small chance perhaps but a chance none the less.
3. Safe: it is often said in the mediation community that victims of domestic violence are often victimized twice: first when the actual domestic violence occurs and second when due to a restraining order they are unable to mediate because they are not allowed to be within a certain distance of each other.  With telephone mediation proximity is no longer an issue as each of you will be mediating in a location of your choosing, away from the other person and not in direct violation of any retaining order.
4. Empowering: in mediation we have a term for when one party does all the talking and the other sits quietly: a power imbalance.  Many times that comes from being scared of the individual that you’re sitting next to and a fear of the reaction you will get by speaking your mind.  With telephone mediation, you can participate from any location you choose and be free to express your needs and wants and what you feel would be a fair and equitable agreement.

Please call Equitable Mediation Services at (908) 864-2177 and we’d be happy to schedule an initial meeting via telephone to see if telephone mediation is the best option in your situation.

Mediation of Divorce: the Right and Wrong Reasons

There are a number of reasons someone would engage in the mediation of divorce but not all of them are good ones so in today’s post I’d like to outline some of the right and and some of the wrong reasons and give you something to think about before calling our offices as it’s important to me as a NJ divorce mediator that you fully understand not only what divorce mediation is, but what will be expected of you once you engage our services.

Mediation of divorce: The Right Reasons

1. You want to keep things civil between you – whether or not you have children, doing your best to divorce amicably is something that is going to benefit each of you in the long run.  The bitterness generated from an attorney driven divorce will stay with you long after the final papers are signed and you each begin your new life.
2. You want to be in control of your future – the mediation of divorce allows each party to express their needs and wants and actively engage in the process, designing an agreement they both feel is fair and equitable instead of being told what to do by a a lawyer or a judge.
3. You want to save money while getting the exact same result – truth is, a litigated divorce can cost in the hundred of thousands of dollars!  Even a friendly divorce can run you $35,000 or more.  Why spend that money when for a 1/10th of that you could mediate you divorce and get the exact same result in a fraction of the time?

Mediation of divorce: The Wrong Reasons

1. You think by mediating you’ll get back together – while once in a great while I do have clients that reconcile while in mediation, the truth is once you’ve entered the process, you are on a path and that path is divorce.  It’s not my job to stop your divorce, it’s my job to help you both move towards your future and come to an agreement you feel is fair and equitable.
2. You think the mediator will take your side – as a neutral third party I cannot take either party’s side.  I advocate for both of you and your children, when applicable and do not represent either of you.
3. You think your spouse will give you a better settlement – the issue of what each of you walks away is entirely up to the two of you and is not something I have a say in.  It’s only my job to help you each come to an agreement you each think is fair.

Mediation of divorce is certainly the preferred way to settle the issues that come between you so if you do find yourself in this situation, please give us a call at (908) 864-2177 and schedule an appointment for your and your spouse to come in to one of our many convenient NJ office locations where we will be happy to explain the benefits of mediation and explain how it can help you and your spouse move on with your lives in a peaceful and efficient manner.

 

NJ Divorce Mediators Move at Your Pace

A common question people ask me is “how long does NJ divorce mediation take” to which I answer: as long as you would like it to.  And while that may seem like a rather odd answer, the truth of the matter is because NJ divorce mediators work for on behalf of each of you and therefore, we have no hidden agenda to rush you through the process or to slow things down.   The reality is, divorce mediation takes between two and six sessions depending on how complex a financial picture a client couple has and if there are children involved.  Naturally when it comes to children, NJ divorce mediators need to take extra time to develop a detailed parenting plan as well as calculate the NJ Child Support Guidelines so that does take extra time but on average, I would say four sessions is a safe bet.

Most NJ divorce mediators I know including myself would normally schedule a session every other week so if you take four sessions and meet every other week, figure on about two months.  But if you wanted to move faster, we certainly could compress that and similarly, we could extend the time between sessions which is what I recommend for couples with particularly complex financial situations in which they may need to re-finance a house, sell an asset, face foreclosure or have assets that require valuation from an outside expert such as art, stock options or a business.  The good news is, 95% of the people I see do not fall into the complex category so it’s a fairly safe bet you will fall in the range of the average client.

Some reasons you may wish to move faster are:

1. Changing jobs and / or planning on moving out of state
2. You’re an hourly employee and days off are at a premium
3. You’d like to be divorced by the end of the year (although the courts have more to do with this than mediation does)
4. You just want to move forward with your life and prolonging the divorce mediation won’t allow you to do that

Some reasons you may wish to move slower are:

1. Your financial situation is in flux: bankruptcy, foreclosure, loss of job, etc.
2. Emotionally you’re having difficulty accepting this is happening and need some time to seek counseling or coaching
3. It’s near the end of a school year and you want to tell the children over the summer
4. You want time to consider the decisions you made in the last divorce mediation session before scheduling the next one

No matter which speed you choose, the key thing to remember is the choice is up to you.  NJ divorce mediators are all about putting you in control of your divorce and helping you both design an agreement that works in your particular situation and on your timetable, not mine, not the courts, not a judge and certainly not a lawyer.

###

Joseph Dillon is one of less than 100 Accredited Professional NJ divorce mediators in New Jersey and a Managing Partner of Equitable Mediation Services a New Jersey divorce mediation practice with offices in: Morristown, Roseland (Livingston), Short Hills, Iselin (Metropark), Bedminster, Bridgewater, East Brunswick, Red Bank and Princeton.  Mr. Dillon may be reached by calling (908) 864-2177.

« Previous Page — Next Page »