Click here to take the Equitable Mediation and Coaching survey

And while you won’t win any trip to Aruba or a new car (sorry about that!) please know that by answering our survey you will ultimately be helping out those just like you whose lives have been touched by divorce, allowing us to better design and tailor our programs and resources to meet your and their needs.

PLEASE NOTE: No personally identifiable information will be collected as part of this survey and the results will be used for our internal purposes only. Thank you in advance for your help!

Regardless of the lack of formulas or software programs, the reality is we need to arrive at a spousal support number so how do we do this?  In a nutshell, we use a budget based approach which has each party determining what their marital as well as post-marital lifestyles look like, attempting to estimate their cost of living and then coming to terms on an amount that will allow each party to live a lifestyle relative comparable to the other party.  Sound complicated?  It is.  That’s why I recommend working with a NJ divorce mediator who can help you and your spouse come to terms on an amount of alimony that you each find agreeable and use that as a basis for working with a divorce coach to plan you new life.

By using limited issue mediation, your NJ divorce mediator will work with you on one or more of the issues you face prior to you entering or while you are engaged in the divorce mediation process or help you and your spouse resolve a single issue that you face such as alimony while engaged in another more contentious divorce process such as collaborative divorce or litigation.   By using mediation to calculate alimony in New Jersey you and your spouse can avoid the heartache and significant cost of a protracted legal battle that hiring lawyers and fighting it out will most certainly bring.   Since there is no easy way to come up with a spousal support number, mediation is the perfect forum for doing so since it eliminates the traditional back and forth and win-lose battle that can raise both your blood pressure as well as your legal bill.  We sit down and discuss things face to face like adults, instead of  hiding behind a constant barrage of well crafted and utterly incomprehensible letters drafted by a team of attorneys outlining a series of demands.  I always love when I see a letter like that outlining demands. I wonder to myself – is this a divorce or a kidnapping?

Have a question about calculating alimony in New Jersey?  Please give us a call at (908) 864-2177 and we’d be happy to meet with you and your spouse to discuss the specifics of your situation and help explain how divorce mediation can be of assistance in your particular case.

First is the alimony formula in New Jersey.  There isn’t one.  I can’t tell you how many times I get asked during divorce mediation sessions to “run the formula” or tell someone approximately how much spousal support they are entitled to.  The reality is this: alimony is a conversation between two parties (well three if you count your divorce mediator) that is budget-based and varies from party to party.  Unlike child support which is formula driven, spousal support has no such software program and therefore needs to be based on something other than a guideline. Therefore it is critical that you each prepare a detailed budget in order to fully understand what your post-marital lifestyle will look like and to determine the amount of funds you will need in order to both live.

Second, alimony is not meant to enrich one party while bankrupting the other nor is it meant to act as retribution for what one of you may have perceived as “bad behavior” during your  marriage.  Spousal support is meant to assist one party to establish a separate lifestyle independent of the marriage but the party that is receiving alimony should also contribute to their financial well-being.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard during their divorce mediation session a recipient state they are going to rely solely on the spousal support coming from the other party.   What happens if the paying party loses their job or gets hit by a bus?   Like a good investing strategy, you never want to put all of your eggs in one basket and relying solely on your ex-spouse to provide 100% of your financial security is a critical mistake.

Finally don’t forget to plan for savings, emergencies and retirement when considering how much spousal support you are going to ask for.  Often times I see budgets come back from the party who may be receiving alimony and there is nothing budgeted for savings.  At some point your ex-spouse will retire and most likely ask for a reduction in the amount of support they pay you or request that the payment be eliminated altogether.   Or if during equitable distribution, you received the marital home, I’m sure at some point you’re going to need to make a repair and you will need to have set aside funds to do that.

These are just a few of the financial issue in divorce mediation that I see when it comes to alimony so it’s important you do your homework and work with you mediator to determine what an appropriate amount of spousal support would be in your case.  If you have any questions about alimony or divorce mediation in general, please give our offices a call at (908) 864-2177 as we’re always glad to help.

Managing Partner and Equitable Mediation founder Joseph Dillon said “I know I speak for everyone here at Equitable Mediation when I say that we’re pleased to be able to assist divorce mediation clients in an office location that’s convenient for them during their time of need and by expanding into Paramus, Saddle Book and Hackensack, we’re able to do just that for Bergen County couples.”

Until recently Equitable Mediation Services focused mostly on Central NJ and the lower part of Northern NJ with office locations in Bedminster, Bridgewater, East Brunswick, Iselin (Metropark), Morristown Princeton, Short Hills, Red Bank and Roseland.  With the expansion into Bergen County and the towns of Paramus, Saddle Book and Hackensack, clients in those areas will still be able to obtain the benefits of mediation in NJ but in a location that’s much closer to their home.  This is especially convenient for those individuals who may live in New Jersey but work in New York City which many Bergen County resident do.

“Our clients come to us from all over the state and up until recently, for those individuals who phoned us seeking mediation services in Paramus, Saddle Book or Hackensack, the best we could do was offer them a meeting in one of our other office locations which for some, wasn’t convenient.  Having these three new office locations is going to make it easier on our clients in Bergen County to get the services they need from a firm they can trust.  We’ve been mediating for a long time and divorce mediation is our full time profession.  Using an unknown firm without Accredited Professional Mediators just isn’t something clients should want to take a chance on.”

Because the laws of the State apply to all clients who are eligible to file for divorce in New Jersey,  Equitable Mediation Services is able to service clients no matter where they live.  Adding three new Bergen County office locations is in line with the Equitable Mediation philosophy of reducing the stress of an already uncomfortable situation by being where the clients need divorce mediation services the most. For information on the new Equitable Mediation Services office locations, please see the addresses below.

• Paramus Divorce Mediation: 140 East Ridgewood Avenue – Paramus, New Jersey
• Saddle Brook Divorce Mediation: (the Park 80 West building)- 250 Pehle Avenue, Suite 200 – Saddle Brook, New Jersey
• Hackensack Divorce Mediation (opening winter 2012) – 401 Hackensack Avenue – Suite 200 – Hackensack, New Jersey

If you have any questions about divorce mediation in NJ or our services, please call us at (908) 864-2177.

Also wrapped up in the permanent alimony discussion is the changing social fabric of our society.  While I will not get on a soapbox and espouse about whether or not the American workforce offers equal pay for men and women, there seem to be more opportunities for women to enter the workforce than ever before and there are more progressive parenting arrangements in which the fathers and mothers of children can be equally responsible for their care thus allowing each parent an equal opportunity to return to or sustain employment in the workforce.   With that in mind Massachusetts felt that a complete separation should be permitted at some point in the future and permanent alimony should eventually come to an end in most cases.

Now does that mean permanent alimony should automatically terminate?  Tough call.  I’m sure there are circumstances that warrant the continuation of some form of support long after the parties have gone their separate ways and that’s where divorce mediation comes in.  While certainly couples use mediation to resolve all of the issues surrounding their divorce, it can also be useful to modify the terms of an agreement you made while divorcing, even if that agreement was many years ago.  Things change, people retire and money comes and goes.  That’s why instead of going to court to request a modification of permanent alimony, it’s always best to seek the services of a NJ divorce mediator like myself who can help you and your ex-spouse come to an agreement you both feel is fair and equitable.  By talking through your issues as they are now instead of rehashing them from way back when, we can come to an alimony agreement that works for both of you in your current situation, not the one you agreed to 5, 10 or even 20 years ago.  And if permanent alimony is still appropriate in your case, let’s talk about it as like with a regular divorce, the decisions you each make surrounding your life are entirely up to you.

If you have any questions about permanent alimony, please give our offices a call at (908) 864-2177 and we’d be happy to help.

As NJ divorce mediators, it’s our job to help couples understand the realities of their post-divorce lifestyle and explain to them that running two households is more expensive than one so each of your post-marital financial situations are going to be lower than your martial situation and that the only way to account for this is to either reduce expense or increase income.  As reducing expenses these days seems like a tall order and jobs aren’t exactly growing on trees (especially for those parents who have been out of the workforce for a number of years) rehabilitative alimony is perhaps an option they’d wish to consider.

By taking some time to return to school, the spouse who worked inside the home and perhaps raised the children, can receive training which will allow them to compete in today’s workforce.  Skills one acquired 15 years ago may no longer be relevant in today’s workplace and by attending school and having your ex-spouse pay for some of it, the benefits are twofold:

1. You needn’t worry about how you are going to support yourself while attending school.  I’m sure we all have friends or family members who when asked if they could do it all over again say they would pursue a line of work they aren’t currently in.  Then what happens is you ask them why they don’t go back to school and learn to be a rocket scientist / musician / English teacher they say “I can’t I have to support the family.”  In the case of rehabilitative alimony, the financial worry has been eliminated or greatly reduced.
2. It’s a good investment in your ex-spouse and yourself.  If you are the one paying spousal support and you can contribute towards your ex-spouses’ ability to earn a living, their income may go up and in turn, your alimony obligation may be reduced.  And if you share children together and you can raise the standard of living for the other home that your children will reside in part of the time, this too is a great thing.  As I remind people, it’s always best to be financially self-sufficient whenever possible as you never know what’s going to happen to the earning capacity of the individual paying spousal support.

And while rehabilitative alimony isn’t an option for everyone, it can be a tremendous help to those who have been out of the workforce for a period of time to sharpen their skills or acquire new ones which benefits everyone.

If you have any questions about spousal support or rehabilitative alimony and how it might benefit you in your situation, please feel free to give the offices of Equitable Mediation Services a call at (908) 864-2177 to schedule an appointment for your and your spouse in one of our many New Jersey office locations.

Take for example this factor:  The actual need and ability of the parties to pay.

How do we determine the need for alimony in New Jersey?  How do we know someone is able to pay?  What happens if they can’t pay?  What happens if in the future they make more money than they’re making now and their ability to pay is increased?  Then what?  How do we account for the ever increasing cost of living?  Have you seen food prices lately?  How do I know my needs today are going to be the same as my needs tomorrow?

Or how about this one:  The earning capacities, educational levels, vocational skills, and employability of the parties.

In today’s economy, this is a much different statement than it might have been 5 to 10 years ago.  Take for example the client who was a Wall Street trader.  In 2001, their income was $1.2 million, today $100,000.  OK, so maybe hard to feel bad for the person who used to make $1.2 million but based on past earnings history, it would seem their ability to pay would be rather high, but today they aren’t even close to making what they used to and so, how about now?   What is their ability to alimony in New Jersey?  On the other hand, what about the party who is returning (or attempting to return) to work in this economy after having been home with the children for the past 10 years.  They used to be a VP of Marketing but try finding a job like that now and even if you did it’s my guess that you’d make less in 2011 than you did in 2001.  So in this case while it seems they wouldn’t have a need based on past earnings history, they may have a need now.  The point is alimony in New Jersey is a difficult thing to determine as many (if not all) of the factors that serve as the guidelines are vague at best.  So where does that leave us?

In mediation we used a budget based process that helps us determine the marital lifestyle, post-marital needs for each of the parties and a fair and equitable distribution of both marital assets and liabilities as well as incomes to do our best to make sure each party will have access to the financial resources they need in order to move forward with their lives.  Alimony in New Jersey is a complex matter best left to an Accredited Professional Mediator like myself and I would encourage you to give our offices a call at (908) 864-2177 if you have a question or would like to schedule an appointment to discuss your situation in more detail as the decisions you make now are going to impact you and your family for the rest of your lives.

As a New Jersey divorce mediator my guess is you’re hoping that if you catch your spouse cheating on you, it will serve as the grounds for a denial of spousal support or alimony but unfortunately, that is not typically the case.  You see when it comes to divorce and fault in New Jersey, rarely if ever does the reason you’re getting a divorce factor in to what your settlement looks like.  Certainly there are some exceptions but for the most part, cheating isn’t one of them.  In this case, I go back to what I said before:  just because something isn’t illegal, doesn’t mean it’s right.  Before you think about planting a GPS device to track a spouse you suspect is cheating, ask yourself why are you doing it?  Are you afraid to admit that your marriage is over?  Is this an issue of control?  What is it?  If it’s because you think it will help your court case and you won’t have to pay spousal support or alimony, guess again.  You might as well save the money you were going to use on that GPS device and private investigator and put it in the bank as you are headed to divorce court and your attorney is going to drain you dry.

However if you want to divorce in the most efficient and cost-effective manner, then maybe, just maybe you can mediate your divorce.  Certainly issues of infidelity and spousal support or alimony are no laughing matter but by torturing yourself to prove what you already suspect, spend all that time and money in the process only to wind up trying to litigate your divorce and spend $200,000 in the process while you can’t afford to put your kids through college – for what?  So you can say you were right?  As a New Jersey divorce mediator I can’t tell you what to do but I can tell you the sooner you get through your divorce the better off you will be and the quicker you can being the healing process that undoubtedly must come.

###

Joseph Dillon is an Accredited Professional New Jersey divorce mediator and Managing Partner of Equitable Mediation Services a New Jersey divorce mediation practice with offices in: Morristown, Roseland (Livingston), Short Hills, Iselin (Metropark), Bedminster, Bridgewater, East Brunswick, Red Bank and Princeton.  If you have a question about spousal support or alimony, Mr. Dillon may be reached by calling (908) 864-2177.

The point is alimony is a conversation.  It is not a formula, it is not intended to bankrupt one party while unduly enriching the other, it is not a penalty for being a bad spouse and it’s certainly not meant to be used as a weapon.  You see alimony is not meant to be a substitute for self-reliance and cover 100% of your post-divorce mediation expenses.  It is meant to help bring the parties’ post-divorce mediation lifestyle closer to each others, fully recognizing that each of your lifestyles will be lower than that while you were married.  As part of the process in deciding to get divorced, on must think of all the downstream ramifications.  Where are the children and I going to live, how am I going to save for retirement, what are we going to do with the house etc.  But the one thing that I see time and time again get lost in the shuffle is the question of “how am I going to earn enough income so that I am not 100% reliant on alimony?”  Even if you work part-time or take job training to start a new career, you must begin to think about how you can earn a living and make ends meet.  Alimony usually has a duration and it’s not for as long as most people think.  That means at some point in the future it’s going to end.  Not today or tomorrow but sometime. Is the time to think about your career a month before your last alimony check is coming?  No, it’s not.  The time to think about it is the first day you start receiving it.  By having a plan and being prepared for that day, you can make sure that when that day comes, you’re ready. Talk to a friend, talk to a career counselor or even a coach.  By putting together a plan for a day that will eventually come, you’ll set yourself on a path to be financially solvent on your own terms and the sooner that happens, the better.

###

Joseph Dillon is an Accredited Professional New Jersey divorce mediator and Managing Partner of Equitable Mediation Services a New Jersey divorce mediation practice with offices in: Morristown, Roseland (Livingston), Short Hills, Iselin (Metropark), Bedminster, Bridgewater, East Brunswick, Red Bank and Princeton.  Mr. Dillon may be reached by calling (908) 864-2177.