As money is a major concern for divorcing couples in New Jersey, many of the calls to Equitable Mediation Services concern the issues of cost and how long divorce mediation takes. As a NJ divorce mediator, this puts me in an awkward position as I’d like to accurately answer the question but the reality is, I simply don’t know.  I could give you the broad averages of $2,500 to $7,500 which is FAR less than the $32,000 to $78,000 for an attorney driven divorce but the fact is, until I know your bargaining style, I can’t say for certain if you’ll fall on the low end of the range or the high end.  Why?  Because the “arc of mediation” is pretty much the same for any couple with children so the time to completion is almost entirely dependent on one factor: your bargaining style.

There are three types of bargaining styles in divorce mediation:

1. Scorched Earth – in situations such as these, one or possibly both parties are unwilling to budge and truly attempt to mediate their divorce.  For mediation clients who employ this style it’s been my experience that it’s either (a) too early to mediate since the pain of the divorce is still too fresh in their mind and they haven’t accepted it’s really happening or (b) they don’t wish to abdicate control to the other party and “let them” have a divorce.
2. Giving Away the Farm – in situations such as these, one party is willing to give everything to the other party so there seems to be no disagreement.  But the pain of divorce may not be making one party think clearly and a few years from now when they’re feeling better they’re going to regret giving everything to their ex and will be hurting financially.  For mediation clients who employ this style it’s usually a symptom of one of two things (a) they’ve committed some indiscretion and are feeling guilty so this is their way of assuaging their guilt or (b) they are depressed and just don’t care.  In this case it’s important the party seeks the assistance of a qualified mental health professional.
3. Fair and Equitable – in situations such as these, both parties understand that to get you have to give and it is in these cases where we have the most success in terms of a fair and equitable settlement and the most cost efficient divorce mediation.  Thinking about what you’re willing to give and get before you come to divorce mediation is the real key to a successful negotiation since arguing over every item individually makes clients lose sight of how everything fits into the bigger picture and creates impasses and delays.

No matter which style you and your spouse employ, with the help of an Accredited Professional NJ Divorce Mediator we can come to an agreement that is fair and equitable for both of you and avoid the contentious and expensive process of hiring a lawyer and going to court.  My name is Joseph Dillon and I invite you to contact me or give me a call at (908) 864-2177 to schedule a consultation today.

For New Jersey couples with children, a typical divorce mediation process will cover four major areas of agreement: parenting plans, equitable distribution, NJ child support and spousal support / alimony but did you know that a NJ divorce mediator can also help couples peacefully settle their differences by mediating a single issue?  In certain cases, a full mediation is not required and couples who wish to use the services of a mediator in NJ can still benefit from getting help with a particularly vexing issue.  Below you will find some reasons to use single issue mediation in your divorce.

1. Parenting Plans – for most couples, parenting plans are the one area we get agreement and that’s why this NJ divorce mediator starts with the parenting plan as my first topic of discussion.  It’s a great way to “get off to a good start” by showing couples they can agree on things and it sets the tone for future mediation session. However there are times when the issue of custody is hotly contested (especially post divorce or with older children) and a couple needs the help of a NJ divorce mediator like me.
2. Equitable Distribution – while it seems simple on the surface, equitable distribution is one of those areas that is deceptively complex. The splitting of assets and liabilities requires someone with both a of knowledge of divorce law as well as finance as there are serious tax implications if things aren’t properly documented and negotiated.  As a NJ divorce mediator with an MBA in finance, I know how important this is.  Couples who are small business owners, have complex investment portfolios or perhaps significant investments, can benefit by sitting with a mediator in NJ like me and mediating this single issue.
3. Child Support – of all the issues, NJ child support is the one I get the most calls about when it comes to single issue mediation as it is critical to ensure that your children get the resources they need in order to grow and flourish.  The formula for child support in New Jersey is so complex that even a NJ divorce mediator with an MBA in finance like me uses a software program to calculate it!  What’s included and what’s excluded as well as how does NJ child support change as children get older is a topic of much conversation and one a mediator in NJ can help greatly with.
4. Spousal Support (formerly known as Alimony) – here in New Jersey there is no set formula for spousal support and therefore, the conversations surrounding alimony are often heated and emotional since they are based less in law and more in conversation.  With the help of a NJ divorce mediator you and your partner can sit down and have a rational conversation about what an appropriate amount of spousal support might be by working through an organized and efficient process led by an Accredited Professional Mediator like me.

If you have any questions about divorce mediation in NJ using mediation for divorce or how hiring a NJ divorce mediator can benefit you, please feel free to contact Equitable Mediation Services to schedule a consultation in one of our Northern or Central New Jersey office locations.  Or feel free to visit the Equitable Mediation Services website where you’ll find lots of great information about parenting plans, equitable distribution, NJ child support and spousal support / alimony and contact us when you’re ready.

Whether you’ve been doing your homework and are an expert on mediation or if you aren’t sure what mediation is, below is a list of common myths about mediators to help you understand my role in the process and about mediators in general when going through divorce mediation in NJ.

Myth 1:  Since my spouse first made contact with you, you’re “their mediator” and will take their side.

Fact:  Absolutely not. My professional reputation and success depends on my ability to be a neutral third party.  As an Accredited Professional Mediator I am bound by the law and a code of ethics to remain neutral throughout all proceedings.

Myth 2:  If I refuse to go to mediation, the divorce will just go away.

Fact:  The divorce will not go away but rather take an ugly turn as you’ll both be forced to get attorneys and litigate.  If one party wants a divorce then you will both be getting a divorce.

Myth 3:  My spouse needs my permission to get a divorce.

Fact: While it takes two people to get married in the State of New Jersey, it only takes one to file for divorce.  It simply becomes a question of whether you litigate and spend $180,000 or mediate and spend $5,000 on your divorce.   Your choice but at the end of the day you will be divorced.

Myth 4:  All mediators have to be attorneys.

Fact:  Mediators do not have to be attorneys but some are.  Some of the best mediators come from backgrounds other than law such as finance, which is my background.

Myth 5:  Attorneys make better mediators than non-attorneys.

Fact:  Untrue.  Many attorney-mediators have difficulty remaining neutral as their training is to get the best result for one party instead of both and that’s not mediating, it’s litigating.

Myth 6:  A mediator can give me advice and tell me what to do.

Fact:  Untrue, even if they’re attorney-mediators.  We provide each of you with the relevant legal information necessary to make an informed decision you each agree is fair and equitable.

Myth 7:  I’ll still need an attorney if I use mediation.

Fact:  You do not have to retain an attorney if you use mediation, although some clients choose to.

Myth 8:  If my mediator is also a lawyer, if mediation doesn’t work out they can represent me in court.

Fact:  While not explicitly illegal, it’s considered an extremely unethical practice and frowned upon by those in the mediation community.

Myth 9: Attorney-mediators know the law better than non attorney-mediators.

Fact:  All mediators go through the same training and must know the same laws regardless of their professional background.

Myth 10:  By using a mediator who is also an attorney, I’ll get a better result.

Fact:  Provided you hire a competent Accredited Professional Mediator, you’ll get the same result regardless of the mediator’s professional background.

My name is Joseph Dillon and I am an Accredited Professional Mediator in NJ.  I invite you to call me at (908) 864-2177 or e-mail me to schedule a consultation to discuss how using divorce mediation can get you better results in less time, with less stress and at significant cost savings for you and your family.