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As part of our ongoing effort to provide the clients of Equitable Mediation Services and Coaching the best possible experience, we would kindly ask that if you find yourself contemplating divorce, in the midst of a divorce or are already divorced, you please take our quick four question survey:

Click here to take the Equitable Mediation and Coaching survey

And while you won’t win any trip to Aruba or a new car (sorry about that!) please know that by answering our survey you will ultimately be helping out those just like you whose lives have been touched by divorce, allowing us to better design and tailor our programs and resources to meet your and their needs.

PLEASE NOTE: No personally identifiable information will be collected as part of this survey and the results will be used for our internal purposes only. Thank you in advance for your help!

Flexibility in the NJ Child Support Guidelines

As parents who are going through a divorce, the NJ Child Support Guidelines are intended to approximate the amount of money you spend on your children for their care and support and then assign an amount to each of you based on a number of factors too complex to go into here today.  However as the name implies, the NJ Child Support Guidelines are just that: guidelines and there is a fair amount of flexibility in determining an appropriate amount of child support should you as parents both agree on what that number would be.  And while yes child support in New Jersey is calculated, it doesn’t necessarily represent the exact amount you spend on your children, nor does it have to.

In mediation we use a budget based approach when it comes to the topic of child support and then calculate the guidelines to verify if the work we did with our budgets accurately reflects what your children’s true expenses are and then adjust accordingly.  The biggest surprise that most couples we work with find is that the amount of NJ Child Support calculated by the guidelines is usually lower than the actual amount of money you spend on your children as an intact family.  Add in things such as music lessons, automobile insurance and daycare which are known as “extraordinary expenses” and outside the calculated child support amount, and you’ll get a sense of the true amount of what you really spend on your children.  So while yes, I understand that some people view “the law as the law” and want me to type the numbers into the software and spit out the magic NJ Child Support amount, like every topic we discuss in mediation, it’s really not as simple as black and white but more like a thousand shades of gray…

So when it comes to calculating child support in New Jersey, there are three things to keep in mind:

1. Child support is an obligation of both parents – that is you will both be paying child support.
2. Children should not become the economic victims of divorce and therefore should receive whatever funding is necessary for them to survive and thrive.
3. You as parents have the right to agree to other child support arrangements than those calculated by the formula provided they are reasonable and have the child’s best interest in mind.

One last note of caution: the calculation of NJ Child Support is a complex topic and one best left to the professionals.  I’ve noticed there are a fair amount of “free” child support calculators out there but like the old saying goes, you get what you pay for and in my humble opinion, you shouldn’t risk your child’s well being on a free form you found on a website.  Call an Accredited Professional Mediator – you’ll be glad you did.

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Joseph Dillon is a NJ divorce mediator and Managing Partner of Equitable Mediation Services – a New Jersey based firm that provides client with divorce mediation in New Jersey and divorce coaching services to clients throughout the United States.  Mr. Dillon may be reached at (908) 864-2177.

What To Do Now When Contemplating a Divorce

If you’re contemplating a divorce, a question you may be asking yourself is “what steps can I take now so that when the time comes, I am ready to move forward?” The answer? Investigate your household finances.  Divorce and mediation each cover four main areas: parenting plans, child support, alimony and equitable distribution. And while 99% of the time in mediation the parenting plan is agreed to by the parties and child support in New Jersey is for the most part calculated, that leaves alimony and equitable distribution as the areas that usually incur the most discussion. What do both of these have in common? They require household financial data to properly resolve them. So if you’re contemplating a divorce, it’s important you have a good grasp of your financial picture.

During conversations about equitable distribution you and your spouse will be asked to provide a complete list of discovery items which include common financial items which show up regularly like tax returns, pay stubs, bank balances and credit card balances but there are some other documents you’ll need which may only be issued quarterly or annually so now it a perfect time to be on the lookout for them. Much like how employers are required to send you your annual W-2 form showing your earnings for the previous year by the end of January, investment houses are required to do the same. Some pension plans such as plans for firemen, police officers and teachers may also only offer an annual statement so now more than ever, it’s critical you keep an eye out for these items so that when the time comes to talk equitable distribution you’ll be informed and can have an intelligent conversation.

Items to be on the lookout for when contemplating a divorce include:

• W-2′s
• Year end Credit card statements – most companies can issue you a report that shows spending by category which is helpful for budgeting later on.
• Year end Investment / brokerage statements  – showing all transactions made over the course of the year so you’ll notice if there were any major sales of assets that you were unaware of.
• Year-end mortgage interest and escrow statements – shows interest paid, taxes (usually) and the balance on your mortgage.

You may also wish to do a few valuations of major assets you own such as cars and your house to get a rough idea of what those are worth as well.  Sites like Zillow for real estate valuation and Kelley Blue Book for automobile evaluation can help you more fully understand what your home or car might be worth when it comes time to talk equitable distribution. Like the old saying goes “information is power” and by taking these simple steps now,  if you’re contemplating a divorce you can be better informed when it comes time to talk equitable distribution and get a fairer settlement.

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 Joseph Dillon is a NJ divorce mediator and Managing Partner of Equitable Mediation Services – a New Jersey based firm that provides divorce mediation to clients throughout New Jersey and divorce coaching services to clients throughout the United States.  Mr. Dillon may be reached at (908) 864-2177.

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