Equitable Mediation Services Updates via E-mail

Sorry for the brief service announcement folks but due to a recent change by our friends at Google, we at Equitable Mediation Services have created a new way to receive updates from us in addition to this blog and RSS feed.  We’ve combined both our blog postings and our news section from our website into one great resource that you can now sign up for via e-mail!  To do so, please visit the Equitable Mediation Services homepage and enter your e-mail address in the box located in the bottom right corner of the home page.  We promise not to sell your name out to anyone – EVER – and promise to keep the communications professional and informative for those either contemplating divorce or seeking the services of a NJ divorce mediator like me.  Any questions, please give us a call at (908) 864-2177.

Is Using GPS to Track a Spouse Illegal in a NJ Divorce?

Let me start off by saying as a New Jersey divorce mediator, just because something isn’t illegal, doesn’t mean it’s right.  During a mediation session a few years back, one of the parties revealed to me they were aware their spouse was using a GPS to track them during their divorce mediation.  Not quite sure what to say, I did a bit of research and found out that oddly enough in the State of NJ, tracking a spouse during a NJ divorce is legal.  The question I have to ask is this: if you’re currently engaging in divorce mediation and you know the relationship is over, why are you trying to gather such information?

As a New Jersey divorce mediator my guess is you’re hoping that if you catch your spouse cheating on you, it will serve as the grounds for a denial of spousal support or alimony but unfortunately, that is not typically the case.  You see when it comes to divorce and fault in New Jersey, rarely if ever does the reason you’re getting a divorce factor in to what your settlement looks like.  Certainly there are some exceptions but for the most part, cheating isn’t one of them.  In this case, I go back to what I said before:  just because something isn’t illegal, doesn’t mean it’s right.  Before you think about planting a GPS device to track a spouse you suspect is cheating, ask yourself why are you doing it?  Are you afraid to admit that your marriage is over?  Is this an issue of control?  What is it?  If it’s because you think it will help your court case and you won’t have to pay spousal support or alimony, guess again.  You might as well save the money you were going to use on that GPS device and private investigator and put it in the bank as you are headed to divorce court and your attorney is going to drain you dry.

However if you want to divorce in the most efficient and cost-effective manner, then maybe, just maybe you can mediate your divorce.  Certainly issues of infidelity and spousal support or alimony are no laughing matter but by torturing yourself to prove what you already suspect, spend all that time and money in the process only to wind up trying to litigate your divorce and spend $200,000 in the process while you can’t afford to put your kids through college – for what?  So you can say you were right?  As a New Jersey divorce mediator I can’t tell you what to do but I can tell you the sooner you get through your divorce the better off you will be and the quicker you can being the healing process that undoubtedly must come.

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Joseph Dillon is an Accredited Professional New Jersey divorce mediator and Managing Partner of Equitable Mediation Services a New Jersey divorce mediation practice with offices in: Morristown, Roseland (Livingston), Short Hills, Iselin (Metropark), Bedminster, Bridgewater, East Brunswick, Red Bank and Princeton.  If you have a question about spousal support or alimony, Mr. Dillon may be reached by calling (908) 864-2177.

Dads, Parenting Plans and NJ Divorce Mediation

Parenting plans are one of the four main areas we cover in divorce mediation session and one of the more common questions that comes up, especially from fathers, is “how much time am I going to get to spend with my child?”  As a NJ divorce mediator instead of asking this question, I wish they would ask “how do we design the parenting plans so that I get to spend as much time as I can with my child?”  For most people engaged in divorce mediation in New Jersey, the parenting plans are defined by the number of overnights the child has with each parent and while yes, this is an important factor in the calculation of the NJ Child Support Guidelines, there is more to parenting plans than where your child sleeps.  I usually ask my clients this question: “is parenting more fun when you’re out at the playground on a sunny Thursday afternoon or at 2 in the morning when there’s a monster in the closet?”  You see designing good parenting plans has less to do with the number of nights they rest their head on a pillow at your place and more to do with how much actual parenting you do.  The parenting comes from actively participating in their lives and making sure that their waking hours are spent engaged in quality time with you, doing the things you both love and creating memories that will last a lifetime.

It is true that the law hasn’t caught up to the modern realities of parenting plans in that both parents these days are more or less equally responsible for the care of the children.  Sure in “ye olden days” when mom stayed home and dad was the breadwinner, things may have been different but now with both parties working outside the home, both mom and dad are (hopefully) equally responsible for the care of the children and so when the time comes to divorce, as a NJ divorce mediator I have to ask the parties to consider their current arrangement and work to put together a similar arrangement for when they are divorced.  The idea with designing good parenting plans is to minimize the impact your divorce is going to have on your child.  By staying focused on what’s best for them (which may not always be what’s best for you) we can design a schedule that works for all of you and allows each of you to spend as much time as possible with your child, regardless of the number of overnights he or she spends with each of you.  Easy ways to do this?  Coach one of their sports, become a volunteer at their dance school, do their homework with them, take them to dinner twice a week, etc.  There is plenty of parenting you can do in the waking hours that will let your children know you’re there for them and that they are loved and really isn’t that the most important thing?

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If you need assistance in designing parenting plans that will work in your particular situation, please give Accredited Professional NJ divorce mediator Joseph Dillon a call at (908) 864-2177.

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