Make Sure Your NJ Divorce Mediator is Accredited

As an Accredited Professional Divorce Mediator in New Jersey, you have seen me discuss the importance of making sure the person you use to mediate your divorce is qualified to do so.  With the rise in popularity of mediation and the outrageous costs associated with an attorney-driven divorce, more New Jersey couples are seeking the assistance of a divorce mediator.  Trouble is, how do you know if the NJ mediator you’re working with knows what they’re doing?  That’s why it is critical that you seek an <strong>Accredited</strong><em> Professional Divorce Mediator in New Jersey such as myself.  As part of our charge, we are required to go through a rigorous credentialing process by the NJ Association of Professional Mediators, including a review by a board of our peers, uphold an ethics code of conduct and engage in continuing education on a regular basis.  You can also count on us having a breadth and depth of experience that other non-Accredited mediators do not posses as you divorce is much to important to leave to chance.

One of the ways I stay in touch with trends in divorce and mediation is through Google alerts. This morning I was sent an alert regarding divorce mediation and while I won’t put up the whole post, I’ll share the pertinent details so you can understand why having an Accredited Professional Divorce Mediator in New Jersey is so critical.  First was the title: “Divorce Mediation–Tomorrow starts a new chapter in my career!!”  Now I do not begrudge anyone from joining the divorce mediation profession as we all have to start somewhere but it is the content of the story that concerned me.  It seems the author’s current profession is slowing down (they are in real estate so given the housing crisis it’s no surprise) so they were looking to try something different.   I was never particularly good at fixing cars but hey, I think I’ll just a put a sign up outside my house that says “free oil changes” just to try something different.  Now in fairness, they are going to take a course in divorce mediation but here’s the next troubling statement. “Perhaps, in ten days I will be more expert.”  So in ten days, this person expects to be an expert in divorce mediation?  It’s this attitude of “me too” that I find troubling and for those of us who engage in divorce mediation as our full-time profession, I guess we take it personally.

So if it ever comes to having to decide which Divorce Mediator in New Jersey to use, please make they are Accredited.  Because the truth is not all mediators are the same and it is my hope that you will only need the services of a Accredited Professional Divorce Mediator like me once in your life so make sure you do your homework and find a professional who is truly qualified to assist you.  My name is Joseph Dillon and as an Accredited Professional Divorce Mediator in New Jersey, I invite you to call me at (908) 864-2177 to schedule a consultation for you and your spouse today.

Re-entering the Workforce After Divorce

In today’s economy, re-entering the workforce after divorce can be a major challenge, especially to those who have not been working outside the home for a significant period of time.  This poses a significant challenge to an Accredited Professional NJ divorce mediator such as myself when it comes to the discussion of child support and spousal support (formerly known as alimony) as the income of the parties is a major factor in both of these areas and when it’s unclear what one of the parties could make in today’s workforce, we have ourselves a real challenge.  So what do we do so that we can move forward with mediation and get the couple to a Memorandum of Understanding they can move forward?

When it comes to estimating income for a non-working party, we have a few options:

1. Impute a baseline income: if one of the parties has never held a full-time job, we can simply insert an estimate of $20,000 to $25,000 which is based on what someone working full-time at a typical retail job (40 hours / week X $10 / hour x 50 weeks = $20,000)
2. Impute an estimated income: say one of the parties was previously in the workforce and has only been out s short while.  We can take an educated guess as to what they could make once they again re-enter the workforce after divorce.   Say they were making $50,000 / year prior to them exiting, perhaps we’d estimate they could make something similar when they re-enter.  In the case of someone who is unemployed, we can use the salaries of the jobs they are applying for as our estimate.
3. Bureau of Labor Statistics: the government has a handy website showing average salaries by profession may be in your region.
4. A salary expert: there are people who can be hired to assess someones skills and earning potential and offer a report on what they think one could make.

Sure all of these are great but do they really work?  That’s where divorce mediation comes in.  We can theoretically estimate all the salary numbers we want but the bottom line is until someone is making that salary, what good does it do us to estimate it?  Well… in order to move forward with divorce mediation we do have to have an estimate but the good news is, divorce mediation also allows couples the flexibility to structure a Memorandum of Understanding that has “trigger points” so that if an income amount is reached, exceed or fallen below, we already know what the adjustment to the child support and spousal support (formerly known as alimony) will be.  This way we can still move forward with the divorce mediation process and allow the parties the flexibility to reality check their agreement when one of the parties has obtained employment without having to re-hash everything all over again..

As an Accredited Professional NJ divorce mediator I can help you and your spouse estimate an appropriate amount of income for a party re-entering the workforce after divorce and assist with what an appropriate amount of child support and spousal support would be in your particular case.  Please call me, Joseph Dillon at (908) 864-2177 to schedule your consultation today.

Divorce Mediation Shouldn’t be a Surprise

As a NJ divorce mediator I am often perplexed by the number of folks who call the offices of Equitable Mediation Services and ask me to “persuade” their spouse that divorce mediation is a good idea.  You see my role as a neutral third party is to help both of you discuss the major tenets of your divorce such as the parenting plan, equitable distribution, child support and alimony and help you both come to an agreement you think is fair and equitable.  It is not my role to inform your spouse that you want a divorce as mediation is a voluntary process and as a NJ divorce mediator I cannot compel either of you to participate.  The decision to divorce is usually made by one party and the other party may or may not have an idea of what is going on so it’s important that you speak about divorce before calling a NJ divorce mediator.  Once you both understand that your marriage is ending, divorce mediation is one of three ways you can get divorced (the others being litigation and “collaborative divorce” both of which are expensive, adversarial processes you definitely want to avoid).

The truth is, I know many of the folks who call the offices of Equitable Mediation Services aren’t following my advice and speaking to their spouse before coming to see me.  How do I know this?  By the large number of consultations that are scheduled and then subsequently canceled or worse yet, abandoned as “no-shows.”  That tells me right away the party who originally phoned me did not discuss this in advance with their spouse and therefore, when they told them “we have an appointment with a NJ divorce mediator ” I’m guessing the reaction was none too pleasant and naturally, things did not go according to the first spouses plan.  So what do you do if you’re the one spouse who wants the divorce and you need to approach the subject with the other party?

1. Ask open ended questions – instead of saying “I want a divorce” try asking “are you happy with the way things currently are?” Or “is it me or are we both unhappy?”  Turning this into a yes or no battle won’t end well and will escalate quickly.
2. Contact a mediator but don’t schedule a consultation – it’s a good idea to learn about your options for divorce and mediation certainly is your best bet.  We have some helpful brochures that explain your choices and the process in more detail and getting a copy and giving one to your spouse is a good way to perhaps get the conversation started.
3. Try counseling – it can also be a safe place to openly express your feelings about the state of your marriage and give you both time to accept that it’s over.  Then when you’re done with counseling, schedule an appointment with a NJ divorce mediator.

Then when you’re both ready, call the offices of Equitable Mediation Services at (908) 864-2177 and come see us when you’re ready.

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