Divorce Mediation and the Negotiation Process Part II

In our first installment on divorce mediation and the negotiation process, we talked about things to keep in mind when considering divorce mediation.  Today we’ll talk about what to do once you’re siting in front of a NJ divorce mediator as how you conduct yourself will go a long way towards determining your level of success and the cost of your divorce and mediation.  Divorce mediation is a complex process but part of the reason you can save $20,000+ is that some of the work is being done by you so knowing how to mediate is key. With that in mind, I present to you rules three and four:

Rule #3 – Always be Prepared

Divorce mediation requires preparation in order to have a good result.  To assist the NJ divorce mediator, you should provide whatever documentation he or she asks for in a timely and organized manner. The mediation process requires it and we find it extremely helpful if these items are organized for ease of review.  Handing the NJ divorce mediator a large box filled with random papers will only cause confusion and delay.

Next review everything you send to the mediator.  Being familiar with your finances is a great way to prepare for your divorce mediation and by doing so you’ll be able to (a) have an intelligent conversation in mediation and (b) have a better understanding of what you’d like to get out of the mediation.

Rule #4 – You’ve Got to Give to Get

Divorce mediation is a search for a fair and equitable solution to your dispute so you need to realize that compromise is key.  First be open to potential solutions that you may not have previously considered.  Second  don’t be afraid to ask the NJ divorce mediator for time to consider something before deciding.  When it comes to the actual bargaining process, there are three things you should always have in the back of your mind:

1. Your ideal position – this is the option that provides you with the greatest gain.
2. Their ideal position – this is the option that provides you with the least gain.
3. The bottom line – what you know to be a reasonable compromise.

By keeping these three points in mind you can enter a negotiation understanding the best and worst case scenarios and have a good ideal what a realistic position might be.  Keep a mental note of how many times you received your ideal outcome so that when it comes time to compromise, you may be willing to give the other party their ideal outcome to keep things fair and balanced.  Like I said above, you’ve got to give to get and having an understanding of which issues are most important to you will allow you to stick to your guns on the ones that matter and compromise on the ones that don’t instead of making every point a contentious battle.

Next week we’ll finish up with some thoughts on helpful language and phrases you can use when bargaining but if you have any questions in the meantime about how NJ divorce mediation works please call the offices of Equitable Mediation Services and ask for me, Accredited Professional Divorce Mediator Joseph Dillon at (908) 864-2177.