Single Issue Mediation Can Help With Divorce

For New Jersey couples with children, a typical divorce mediation process will cover four major areas of agreement: parenting plans, equitable distribution, NJ child support and spousal support / alimony but did you know that a NJ divorce mediator can also help couples peacefully settle their differences by mediating a single issue?  In certain cases, a full mediation is not required and couples who wish to use the services of a mediator in NJ can still benefit from getting help with a particularly vexing issue.  Below you will find some reasons to use single issue mediation in your divorce.

1. Parenting Plans – for most couples, parenting plans are the one area we get agreement and that’s why this NJ divorce mediator starts with the parenting plan as my first topic of discussion.  It’s a great way to “get off to a good start” by showing couples they can agree on things and it sets the tone for future mediation session. However there are times when the issue of custody is hotly contested (especially post divorce or with older children) and a couple needs the help of a NJ divorce mediator like me.
2. Equitable Distribution – while it seems simple on the surface, equitable distribution is one of those areas that is deceptively complex. The splitting of assets and liabilities requires someone with both a of knowledge of divorce law as well as finance as there are serious tax implications if things aren’t properly documented and negotiated.  As a NJ divorce mediator with an MBA in finance, I know how important this is.  Couples who are small business owners, have complex investment portfolios or perhaps significant investments, can benefit by sitting with a mediator in NJ like me and mediating this single issue.
3. Child Support – of all the issues, NJ child support is the one I get the most calls about when it comes to single issue mediation as it is critical to ensure that your children get the resources they need in order to grow and flourish.  The formula for child support in New Jersey is so complex that even a NJ divorce mediator with an MBA in finance like me uses a software program to calculate it!  What’s included and what’s excluded as well as how does NJ child support change as children get older is a topic of much conversation and one a mediator in NJ can help greatly with.
4. Spousal Support (formerly known as Alimony) – here in New Jersey there is no set formula for spousal support and therefore, the conversations surrounding alimony are often heated and emotional since they are based less in law and more in conversation.  With the help of a NJ divorce mediator you and your partner can sit down and have a rational conversation about what an appropriate amount of spousal support might be by working through an organized and efficient process led by an Accredited Professional Mediator like me.

If you have any questions about divorce mediation in NJ using mediation for divorce or how hiring a NJ divorce mediator can benefit you, please feel free to contact Equitable Mediation Services to schedule a consultation in one of our Northern or Central New Jersey office locations.  Or feel free to visit the Equitable Mediation Services website where you’ll find lots of great information about parenting plans, equitable distribution, NJ child support and spousal support / alimony and contact us when you’re ready.

Another Benefit of Divorce Mediation is Keeping Friends and Family

For readers of the Equitable Mediation Services blog you’ve seen me outline the benefits of using mediation for divorce such as a less stressful process, significantly lower cost and much better outcomes for your children but did you know there are other benefits to using a NJ divorce mediator that may not be apparent right away?  Take for example the friendships you have developed with each others families and other couples.  If you were to have a nasty, attorney driven divorce where each of you acted in a shall we say “less than polite manner” these people are going to have to make an uncomfortable choice given that individuals behavior during the divorce.   But if you were to use a mediation service to handle your divorce and were able to keep things friendly, then the ability to remain friends with you ex’s family and the friends you made as a couple will be much easier.  So why would you do this?

1. Your children – you’re still going to be mom and dad after the divorce and so whether you like it or not, you’re going to have to spend significant time with each other (and your extended families) at various events such as birthday parties and graduations where the focus needs to be on the kids and not on the tension between the two of you.  You’re also going to need to be able to communicate as you coordinate schedules to take your daughter or son to the soccer game, dance class, karate practice or school play.  Think about it:  if you have a child together do you really think you’re not going to see you ex-spouses friends or family ever again?  Use a NJ divorce mediator to keep your divorce on track and as focused on your children as possible.
2. Your mental health – they say a divorce is second in stress only to the death of a loved one and so when going through something as painful as a divorce, you’re going to need all the support you can get.  Given that you’ve probably developed great relationships with your spouses family over the years, now more than even you’re both going to need the support of your friends and families and by engaging in a bitter divorce fight, you’re only going to cause people to have to choose sides.  If you use mediation for divorce then you’re going to have a much better chance of remaining friendly and in turn, allow your friends and family to avoid the unpleasant decision of having to choose sides which given the recent divorces in my circle of friends and family has only reinforced how critical this last part is.

If you have any questions about divorce mediation in NJ using mediation for divorce or how hiring a NJ divorce mediator can benefit you, please feel free to contact Equitable Mediation Services to schedule a consultation in one of our Northern or Central New Jersey office locations.  Or feel free to visit the Equitable Mediation Services website where you’ll find lots of great information about parenting plans, equitable distribution, NJ child support and spousal support / alimony and contact us when you’re ready.

Deciding the Length of Spousal Support or Alimony

Deciding the length of spousal support or alimony is tricky business in New Jersey as unlike with child support, there is no set formula or special software package we use to calculate it.  That’s why mediation is the ideal place to discuss it as spousal support (or alimony as it was formerly known as) is such an emotional topic that in the experience of this NJ divorce mediator, it usually defies logic and reason.  Are there times when the conversation goes relatively smoothly and the parties can agree on a spousal support amount with relative ease?  Yes but… a majority of the divorce mediation clients I see in the offices of Equitable Mediation Services where alimony is an issue, the conversations aren’t so cut and dry.  Let’s take a look at the factors that can influence deciding the length of spousal support or alimony with the understanding that this article is not intended to give legal advice or guarantee that any of these factors will be relevant in your particular situation.

1. The length of the marriage - typically the longer you are married, the longer the duration of spousal support will be.  A general rule of thumb is marriages ten years or less alimony will be somewhere between 1/2 to one year of spousal support per year married.  So if you’re married eight years, alimony may last somewhere between four to eight years.
2. The incomes of the parties – if party A makes $200,000 and party B makes $50,000 there is a better chance of receiving alimony than if each party is making $100,000.  spousal support is not meant to penalize one party and enrich the other but rather equalize the standard of living of both parties, post-divorce.
3. The earning potential of each party – say one of you is in a relatively in-demand filed such as health care while the other one of you works in a field such as automobile assembly chances are we’d want to look at what each of you could possibly earn moving forward and agree on an alimony amount to make sure you each enjoyed a relatively stable financial future.
4. The age of the parties – again, a tricky one since “in theory” younger people have more time to ramp up and earn money so the need for spousal support may be reduced down the line.  Conversely those going through a mature divorce will have less time and therefore alimony may be higher or longer in duration.  As a mediator in New Jersey I find this one of the hardest areas to discuss.
5. The educational background of the parties – if one of you has a GED and one of you has an MBA, the chances are good that the person with the more advanced degree will have higher earning potential down the road and therefore that may become a factor in spousal support.

It is important to remember that there is no formula for calculating spousal support or alimony in New Jersey so deciding the length of spousal support or alimony is really up to the parties to agree on.  If you need help deciding the length of spousal support or alimony

in your particular situation, please feel free to call NJ divorce mediator, Joseph Dillon, of Equitable Mediation Services at (908) 864-2177 or e-mail me to schedule an appointment where we can discuss the factors that apply to deciding the length of spousal support or alimony in your particular situation.

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