Divorce Mediation is Better for Your Children

For regular readers of the Equitable Mediation Services blog, you’ve seen me discuss in detail how divorce mediation is better for your children and it seems yet another expert has agreed with me.  And while it doesn’t take a PhD to know that reducing conflict between parents going through a divorce can lead to positive outcomes for children, a recent article from the NY Times online editorial pages put it this way:

“A far better tack is to encourage couples to mediate their parting rather than litigate it, especially if children are involved. In a 12-year study of divorcing couples randomly assigned to either mediation or litigation, the psychologist Robert Emery of the University of Virginia and his colleagues found that as little as five to six hours of mediation had powerful and long-term effects in reducing the kinds of parental conflict that produce the worst outcomes for children. Parents who took part in mediation settled their disputes in half the time of parents who used litigation; they were also much more likely to consult with each other after the divorce about children’s discipline, moral training, school performance and vacation plans.”

As a NJ divorce mediator, I try to emphasize to parents that a good parenting plan is no substitute for good parenting.   As kids get older, grow up and things change, no matter how great your parenting plan is right this minute, give it a few years and it may turn out to be completely useless so you need to be able to communicate effectively as parents and not as ex-spouses.  In some cases, two parties are unable to come to agreement on the modifications requested by the other parent and so they need the help of someone like me.  One of the areas I can help couples who are already divorced is that of post-divorce parent coordination.  In this specialized area of mediation, we work with couples who are already separated to help them resolve outstanding issues related to their children and work with them to modify their parenting plan in the best interests of the child or children.  Special emphasis is placed on doing what’s best for the kids which sometimes may be in conflict what’s best for one parent or another parent.

An excellent example of this is the issue of schooling.  it’s a fact that here in New Jersey some school districts are better than other.  Perhaps you are the current Parent of Primary Residence (PPR) and your child lives with you a majority of the time.  Now they’ve turned high school age and sadly, the school district you live in has a high school that is less than stellar but your ex-spouse lives in an award-winning blue-ribbon school district and so you may decide to modify the parenting plan so that you become the Parent of Alternate Residence (PAR) and your child goes and lives with your ex-spouse a majority of the time.  Sure you’ll miss them but you know it’s what’s best for your child even if it’s not the best for you.  This helpful video explains a bit more about post-divorce parent coordination and how it can benefit you and your children.

If after viewing this video, you have any questions or need the services of a NJ divorce mediator, please feel free to call me at (908) 864-2177 and I’ll do my best to assist you.