Alimony and the Mature Divorce Need Mediation

Mature divorces come with their own unique set of circumstances given the substantial assets the parties have accumulated over their long-term marriage but what about alimony and the mature divorce?  How is something such as spousal support (formerly known as alimony) handled in situations such as these?  Unlike child support, there is no software program or formula to calculate alimony so therefore, coming to mediation is even more critical to those going through a mature divorce as there is so much at stake.

The first question I am asked as a divorce mediator in NJ is “why do I have to pay alimony?”  The basic concept is each of you contributed to the marriage’s success and therefore should share in the financial rewards.  The thought being one party sacrificed their career to support the other spouse by maintaining the family household and children.  Without this support, a high earning spouse would not have been able to earn such a salary and thus, both parties should benefit from it. As we like to say in mediation: one of you worked outside the home and one of you worked inside the home but you both worked.

So how do we agree on an appropriate amount of Spousal Support? This is where mediation really shines.  We start with a budget of what you looked like as an “intact couple” to establish what is known as the marital lifestyle. Then you’ll each do a budget of what life on your own will look like. We’ll then discuss an amount that allows each of you to live a relatively similar lifestyle to each other post-marriage.  Notice I didn’t say the same lifestyle you had as you were married.  We’ll factor in the length of your marriage, each of your incomes, your education, your earning potential and any goals each of you has in regard to your post-marital life.  Perhaps one of you wants to keep the house or one of you wants to pursue a college degree.

So when does alimony end and what exactly defines a “change in circumstances?”  This is an extremely complex matter and one best discussed with a divorce mediator in NJ who can help both of you determine what an appropriate duration may be and in what circumstances alimony may terminate.  In general (this is NOT legal advice) alimony continues until one of you has a “significant change in circumstances” which may be defined as: the receiving party getting re-married, the loss of a job with no prospect of employment for an extended period of time, a significant disability or a retirement.  As each couple’s situation is unique, it’s always best to consult with a divorce mediator in NJ who can help you both decide what you feel is appropriate in your particular circumstances.  The important thing to remember is: alimony is a conversation, not a formula.  This is your divorce so provided it’s within reason, the alimony amount you agree on and how long it lasts can be entirely up to you.