Teenagers and Divorce Mediation

As part of the divorce mediation process, you probably know by now that parenting plans are one of the four major topics covered along with equitable distribution, NJ child support and spousal support / alimony.  So what do you do when you’ve got a teenager who is still not old enough to be emancipated or off at college yet too old to have a traditional parenting plan that outlines their whereabouts each week and every other weekend?  Designing a parenting plan for a teenager is particularly tough as since we all probably remember, being a teenager was all about us, not mom and dad.  How is this going to impact me?  When am I going to see my friends?  Are people going to make fun of me if I come from a “broken home?”Ah the good old days when it was acceptable to be self-absorbed…

The key to a successful parenting plan when it comes to teenagers is to include them in the decision making.  Does that mean bring them with you to your divorce mediation sessions?  No, not really.  But it does mean that you as parents need to treat them like the young adults they are and first explain to them what’s going on (you would be surprised at how many times I’m told “we’re not going to tell the kids until it’s final” comes up in session) and then ask them what they might like to do.  Teenagers are surprising intelligent in that they are now old enough to understand all sides – mom, dad and theirs – and make a decision based on some amount of logic.  And while it might not be as a parent what you want to hear (i.e. I want to go live with mom / dad and not you) it’s important to realize that by giving them some semblance of control over the process can lead to reduced anxiety and in turn, better focus in life, school and relationships.  Naturally there will be an adjustment period for children once their parents are divorce and the studies this NJ divorce mediator has read quote 18 months to three years as the adjustment period but by allowing them to be a part of the process they can learn an important life lesson early on and feel more in control, and in turn, adjust more quickly.  Studies have shown, the quicker they adjust, the better off they will be long term so being supportive of them during this difficult time for you is paramount even though it may not exactly be what you feel like doing given your own sense of grief and loss.

If you have any questions about divorce mediation in NJ using mediation for divorce or how hiring a NJ divorce mediator can benefit you, please feel free to contact Equitable Mediation Services to schedule a free, no-obligation consultation in one of our nine North or Central New Jersey office locations.  Or feel free to visit the Equitable Mediation Services website where you’ll find lots of great information about parenting plans, equitable distribution, NJ child support and spousal support / alimony and contact us when you’re ready.