Divorce Mediation and Filing: Timing is Everything

One of the common questions asked by the clients of Equitable Mediation Services is how long divorce mediation usually takes to which as a NJ divorce mediator I reply: that’s up to the two of you.  Sometimes the real question being asked is “how long will my divorce take” and that’s trickier since divorce mediation is simply one part of the equation with filing the papers and getting a court date being the other.  Given that the court system is a wild card and the time to have your case heard can vary for a Somerset County divorce, a Morris County divorce or a Middlesex County divorce and also vary by the time of year, you can see that answering this isn’t as easy at it would seem.   So the next question that usually follows is: “should we file now before we start mediating so that we can put the courts on the clock and not be stuck waiting for them once we’re done with divorce mediation?”  It depends…

Clients of Equitable Mediation Services typically follow one of three patterns:

1. We’re getting along fairly well, we don’t feel compelled to rush through things so let’s start mediation and then once we’re done, we’ll file. As a divorce mediator this to me is the preferred choice as it allows the parties to take their time, carefully consider all issues and work through things on their own schedule.  Sometimes we’re surprised when a few weeks after filing for divorce, the clients are scheduled to appear in court for their hearing and surprises are usually only good on your birthday!
2. We’re having a bit of a hard time getting along but still want to mediate so we’re going to file half way through mediation and then work through our issues from there. This can be helpful for clients who may feel comfortable working together but want to have the “official” filing out there so that the divorce is a reality and mediation doesn’t go on forever.  In my experience as a divorce mediator, this is commonly done in cases where one party wants the divorce and the other party is reluctant or thinks mediation is a way to delay divorce (it’s not just in case you’re curious).
3. I already filed because I’ve had enough and wanted to send a message and suddenly realized how expensive using an attorney for divorce can be so I came to my senses and decided mediation was a path I wanted to take. I refer to this as “buyers remorse” as couples who thought they would get an attorney suddenly realized that involving an attorney at the outset is not a good thing.  Then they find out about the benefits of mediation and want to follow that path but as the old cliche goes, “the horse has left the barn.”  Does this mean they can’t mediate? Absolutely not. All you need to do is give me a call, let your attorneys know you’ve decided to use mediation for your divorce and they can request an extension form the courts.

If you have any questions about divorce mediation in NJ using mediation for divorce or how hiring a NJ divorce mediator can benefit you, please feel free to contact Equitable Mediation Services to schedule a consultation in one of our Northern or Central New Jersey office locations.  Or feel free to visit the Equitable Mediation Services website where you’ll find lots of great information about parenting plans, equitable distribution, NJ child support and spousal support / alimony and contact us when you’re ready.

Don't Take Chances, Use Divorce Mediation

As a NJ divorce mediator, you’ve seen me espouse the many benefits of using mediation for divorce including a more peaceful and efficient path to your divorce but now it seems, you can also add “better and more predictable outcomes” to the equation as well.  As much as we’d like to think otherwise, the law is not as black and white as it seems and we think if our case is cut and dry and we’re clearly in the right, we will prevail but that’s not always the case with divorce.  Many client couples who first choose to litigate and come back to divorce mediation in NJ have told me one of the things they were most surprised by was how little the judge seemed to care.  This is not to say judges don’t care but they have more important matters to attend to than listening to how one of you never put the cap back on the toothpaste!  That’s why divorce mediation is your best bet because it puts you in control to design your future and come to an agreement that both of you had a say in developing and can agree with.  So what if you’re still unsure about divorce mediation.  Think hiring an attorney will get you a better result?

Think again.

A recent UCal study has found that that lawyers routinely overestimate their chance of success (I guess to make their clients feel better) and their career experience didn’t seem to make much difference.  481 lawyers were surveyed over 44 States and were asked to state how confident they were that they would win their case (put on those rose-colored glasses!).  The study found that:

• 44% of lawyers were less successful that they had predicted
• 32% of lawyers were as successful as they had predicted
• 24% of lawyers were more successful than they predicted.

So what this says to me is you have 76% chance of being as successful as most attorneys on your own and add to that that 97% of all divorce cases in New Jersey are settled before they ever see the inside of a courtroom, therefore you and your spouse are the two people who have the most say in how your settlement plays out.  Not the judge, not the courts and certainly not your lawyer so why not take matters into your own hands and control your future by using divorce mediation?  By working together to come to agreements on issues that matter most, you’ll avoid the contentious battle of a litigated divorce and get a better, more predictable result in less time and at a savings of at least $20,000.  If that’s not a reason to use divorce mediation then I don’t know what is.

If you have any questions about divorce mediation in NJ using mediation for divorce or how hiring a NJ divorce mediator can benefit you, please feel free to contact Equitable Mediation Services to schedule a consultation in one of our Northern or Central New Jersey office locations.  Or feel free to visit the Equitable Mediation Services website where you’ll find lots of great information about parenting plans, equitable distribution, NJ child support and spousal support / alimony and contact us when you’re ready.

How Long Does Divorce Mediation Take in NJ?

As a NJ divorce mediator I am always asked by my clients here at Equitable Mediation Services how long does divorce mediation take in NJ to which I always answer: it depends.  While that might seem vague, there are a number of factors which impact the answer all of which are in your control.

1. How collaborative can you both be? divorce mediation differs in a good way from a traditional litigated divorce or collaborative divorce in that the client couple is in charge of their settlement and not their attorneys.  By working together instead of against each other like in these other two processes, with the help of NJ divorce mediator clients can negotiate directly to come to an efficient and cost-effective solution at a pace that is comfortable for them.
2. How cooperative can you both be? divorce mediation is what is known as a “good faith” negotiation.  That is: the parties are asked to provide all relevant documentation and answers when asked in a timely fashion.  The sooner you produce the required documentation and the sooner you are willing to provide the answers, the shorter your divorce mediation will take.  I’ve had couples who were prepared prior to their first session and I’ve had couples in which is took me nine months to get a copy of a tax return.  Again, how long your divorce mediation takes is up to you.
3. How frequently are you willing to meet? divorce mediation is an iterative process meaning, one session builds on the previous one and the decisions made are begin to form your agreement known as the Memorandum of Understanding.  The frequency of how often we meet for divorce mediation sessions will also dictate how long your mediation will take.  Do you wish to meet once a week or once a month or perhaps once a quarter?  It is important to note that meeting too frequently may not give each of you time to gather the relevant documentation or fully absorb the decisions made in the previous session so it’s important to move at a pace that’s comfortable for you, regardless of what you think the timetable should be.

It’s been my experience as a NJ divorce mediator that a good general rule of thumb is as follows:

• Session One – parenting plans
• Session Two & Three – equitable distribution
• Session Four = NJ child support
• Session Five – spousal support / alimony

By giving some thought to these three factors and the topics listed above, clients can get a rough idea of how long does divorce mediation take in NJ.  If you have any questions about divorce mediation in NJ using mediation for divorce or how hiring a NJ divorce mediator can benefit you, please feel free to contact Equitable Mediation Services to schedule a consultation in one of our many Northern or Central New Jersey office locations.  Or feel free to visit the Equitable Mediation Services website where you’ll find lots of great information about parenting plans, equitable distribution, NJ child support and spousal support / alimony and contact us when you’re ready.

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