Shared Parenting and Custody in New Jersey

For readers of the Equitable Mediation Services blog, it is my hope you come away with the impression that your children are the most important element in any divorce mediation.  Unlike some NJ divorce mediators, we discuss parenting plans first and not equitable distribution since if you think that your financial settlement is more important than your children’s well-being, guess again.  By establishing solid parenting plans for the short and long term, you’ll not only provide your children with the love and support they’ll need but also avoid many of the common downstream arguments that divorced parents often encounter.  It is the goal of every one of our parenting plans to make sure that you both have as much time with the children as you see fit for if you don’t, you may wind up returning to us for post-divorce parent coordination which is not something you want to go through.

One of the elements of parenting plans is that of the regular weekly schedule.  To start, we discuss what a typical school week during the school year will look like deciding which nights the children will spend with mom and which nights with dad.   As a divorce mediator in NJ I often asked “what is the typical arrangement” and I reply with “are you the typical family?”  because the reality of it is we all have unique situations.  Between work schedules, travel for our jobs, kids activities, etc. it just doesn’t seem like one parent stays at home while the other gets home at 5 o’clock and we all sit down to dinner at 5:30.

Now with both parents working full time, the idea of a true shared parenting plan has been gathering momentum.  In the old days, a typical plan was 10 days with mom and 4 days with dad over a 14 day period which satisfied the “one day a week and every other weekend” routine.  The good news is we see more and more couples here at Equitable Mediation Services design flexible and progressive parenting plans that reflect the realities of the modern day dual income family and the desire of both parents to be equally active in their children’s lives.  And as a NJ divorce mediator it’s part of my job to share with you ideas on how flexible and creative your parenting plans can be and let you both decide what’s best for your children.

For example in a recent poll conducted by Divorce Magazine, 65% of women and 87% of men supported the idea of a true shared parenting plan which I feel as a NJ divorce mediator bodes well for the children of these couples for two reasons.  First it tells me that each parent recognizes the importance of the role the other parent plays in the development of the couple’s children and second the children will benefit from the influence of each parent as they grow up.  Like the old saying goes “it takes a village to raise a child” but unfortunately, sometime divorce can take that village away. As parents, it’s up to both of you to make sure that your children still have everything they need to thrive post-divorce and great parenting plans can go a long way towards achieving that goal if you’re both willing to work together and come to agreements that are in the best interest of your children.