Dividing Assets and Liabilities When Using Mediation for Divorce

Over the past few posts in the Equitable Mediation Services blog, we’ve discussed how using mediation for divorce can help couples in New Jersey peacefully divorce.  From the calculation of NJ child support, the creation of a comprehensive parenting plan and even working to agreement on an appropriate amount and duration for spousal support / alimony can all be done when using mediation for divorce.  In this the last article in the series, I’d like to discuss how the dividing of assets and liabilities (also known as equitable distribution) is handled when using mediation for divorce and offer some tips on what documents to begin gathering for those about to begin the process.

As a divorce mediator in NJ, it is my role to help couples work through all of the issues surrounding their divorce and equitable distribution is no exception.  People are often surprised to find that as a NJ divorce mediator I can help them move forward provided they are willing to work together in a collaborative manner and provide each other, as well as myself, with the information needed to make an informed decision.  These items include standard things such as tax returns, pay-stubs and W-2′s and are used to establish a basic level of income.  Then we add to the mix assets and liabilities such as houses, mortgages, credits, cars, auto loans, etc.  and last we seek out unusual items such as antiques, personal property and credit reports to round out the couple’s financial picture. We then use all of this information to produce a set of financial documents which we can use for our equitable distribution discussion.

The key thing to remember is that while equitable distribution is the division of a couple’s marital assets and liabilities, it doesn’t necessarily have to be a “50 / 50″ split.  The true definition of equitable distribution as any NJ couple using mediation for divorce can attest to is to be “fair and equitable” which is a theme that runs through all of the discussions we have in mediation.  Yes the law is important and there are rules that need to be followed but at the end of the day mediation is less about following rigidly what the law says and more about coming to an agreement that works for both of you and your children, when applicable.  Using mediation for divorce will allow you to have the conversations you need to have and gather the information you need to review in order to make an informed decision about equitable distribution or any of the other three main areas of divorce: parenting plans, NJ child support and spousal support / alimony. By working together and crafting an agreement that is unique to your particular situation, not only will you achieve a better long term result but you’ll also save yourself time, headaches and substantial sums of money in the process.

If you have any questions about divorce mediation in NJ using mediation for divorce or how hiring a NJ divorce mediator can benefit you, please feel free to contact Equitable Mediation Services to schedule a free, no-obligation consultation in one of our nine North or Central New Jersey office locations.  Or feel free to visit the Equitable Mediation Services website where you’ll find lots of great information about parenting plans, equitable distribution, NJ child support and spousal support / alimony and contact us when you’re ready.

Calculating Child Support Using Mediation for Divorce

As a Divorce Mediator in NJ, it is my job to help client couples come to fair and equitable agreements surrounding the four main areas of divorce: parenting plans, equitable distribution, child support and spousal support (also known as alimony).  And while parenting plans can be decided by the parents and the equitable distribution of your assets and liabilities and spousal support / alimony can be agreed upon by adults, there is one area when using mediation for divorce that is really driven by the children: child support.  In the last post on the Equitable Mediation Services blog, we talked about the calculating of alimony when using mediation for divorce and how there is no set formula and the parties work through the numbers based on their budgets and conversations had in mediation.  But how does it work when it comes to child support?  While there is a formula, which does make our lives a bit easier when it comes to establishing a support amount, as parents you each still have the flexibility to make arrangements that suit your particular circumstance and your children’s needs.

There are some common misconceptions when it comes to calculating child support.  First is that only one of you is paying child support and that is not true.  The child support award calculated during mediation represents the non-residential parent’s (or PAR) share of the support.  It does not represent the total amount it costs to raise the child so in effect the residential parent (or PPR) is paying some level of child support.  Second is that the child support award is the full amount each parent has to pay for the support of their children.  This too is false.  When calculating child support using mediation for divorce, it represents the minimum cost of basic support and does not include what is referred to as “extraordinary items” such as car insurance, study abroad trips or college. Last is that all child support stops when the minor child turns 18.  Again, not entirely true.  Yes the basic calculated child support award amount stops but if the child goes to college, there will be expenses you are each potentially responsible for with regard to that.  If the child commutes there may even be a limited extension of the basic child support award calculated so again,  it’s best to work with a Divorce Mediator in NJ to ensure that you each fully understand your obligations as parents both from a parenting perspective as well as a financial one.  Calculating child support using mediation for divorce is the best way to ensure that your children receive the resources they need in order to not become the economic victims of divorce.  Remember: while you may no longer be husband and wife, you will always be mom and dad.

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Joseph Dillon is a Professional Accredited Divorce Mediator in NJ and the owner of Equitable Mediation Services a New Jersey divorce mediation practice serving Somerset, Mercer, Middlesex, Essex, Morris, Monmouth and Hunterdon counties including the towns of Edison, Parsippany, East Brunswick, West Orange, Bridgewater, South Brunswick, Hillsborough, Livingston, Randolph, Maplewood, West Windsor, Summit, Plainsboro, Millburn, Morristown, Montgomery, Madison, Readington, Branchburg, Warren, Princeton, Metuchen, Lawrenceville, Pennington, Short Hills, Bernards, Bedminster, Colts Neck, Holmdel, Roseland, Montclair and surrounding areas.

Mediation for Divorce and Alimony

As a NJ divorce mediator I am always surprised when I meet a couple for the first time and learn just how much they don’t know about using mediation for divorce.  I would have thought by now with the Equitable Mediation Services website, this blog and the attention divorce mediation has gotten in recent years (including being the profession of choice for the gentlemen in the movie “The Wedding Crashers” although given that I am an Accredited Professional Mediator I am in no way the charlatans Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson were in the movie!) more people would be familiar with the concept of using mediation for divorce in New Jersey.  Sadly that is still not the case.  With that in mind, I’m taking the next few posts to outline some of the real questions I’ve been asked by couples just like you when they come to see me for their free consultation.  Today’s question has to do with calculating alimony in NJ and how that’s handled in mediation.  The quick answer?  The same way it would be handled were you to hire an attorney and litigate.

Many couples are surprised that we even discuss alimony in mediation as for some reason they think they have to go to an attorney which is simply untrue.  Alimony is discussed along with the other three main areas of divorce including the parenting plan, equitable distribution and NJ child support and all agreements are then drafted into the Memorandum of Understanding. Given the vagueness of alimony in NJ, when you think about it, mediation is the perfect place to discuss it.  You see one of the challenges facing divorcing couples in New Jersey is that there is no set formula for alimony like there is in other states.   Alimony in NJ is based on a series of 13 statutory factors which when you really read through them provide little guidance in terms of how alimony is really calculated.  That’s why we use a budget based approach which allows us to discuss what the couples goals are post-divorce and come up with an amount that allows each party to maintain a relatively similar post-marital lifestyle vis a vis each other and to ease the transition from intact family to a separated one.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: this is your divorce – not the courts, not the judge and certainly not your attorney’s so why not discuss with each other what alimony arrangement works in your particular situation instead of leaving it in the hands of complete strangers who don’t know you or your children?  Using mediation for divorce allows you to do just that.

If you have any questions about divorce mediation in NJ using mediation for divorce or how hiring a NJ divorce mediator can benefit you, please feel free to contact Equitable Mediation Services to schedule a free, no-obligation consultation in one of our nine North or Central New Jersey office locations.  Or feel free to visit the Equitable Mediation Services website where you’ll find lots of great information about parenting plans, equitable distribution, NJ child support and spousal support / alimony and contact us when you’re ready.

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