Choosing Your Own Divorce Mediator in New Jersey

“What if I want to mediate but my spouse does not?” is a common question we get here at Equitable Mediation Services from people just like you inquiring about divorce mediation in NJ.   For not always is it a couple seeking a NJ divorce mediator but sometimes one individual who is trying to convince their spouse of the benefits of mediation in the hopes of avoiding hiring lawyers and thus a long and ugly legal battle through the court system.  As hard as the first spouse tries, the other party is just unwilling to try mediation but guess what? Whether they know it or  not, they are going to wind up in mediation in New Jersey anyway!

Much to their surprise, both parties hire lawyers, one files with the courts and (get ready for this) they are sent to court-ordered mediation. Yes, the same mediation they could have had in the first place with a NJ divorce mediator of their choosing instead of some randomly assigned mediators (yes that’s plural for a reason and I’ll explain why in a moment).  With the courts overloaded with divorce cases, judges are automatically sending everyone (and I mean everyone) to court-ordered mediation because they know that the solution to a couples divorce lies not within the court system but with the client couple themselves.

First you will see a court-ordered mediator in NJ that will help coordinate your parenting plan instead of one of your choosing.  These people are wonderful individuals who handle a caseload that this NJ divorce mediator couldn’t even fathom so how much time they can really spending getting to know you and your children and designing a solution that works in your individual case is questionable through no fault of their own.  Then once that’s settled, off you and your lawyers go to an early settlement panel in which your attorney will present to two other attorneys who will “act” as mediators and offer you a non-binding confidential assessment of how they would think your case would settle.  If you can’t settle here guess where you’re headed?  Court-ordered economic mediation!  Yes, now that you’ve been through your court-ordered parenting mediation you’re off to court-ordered economic mediation (again you would have had a choice in NJ divorce mediators had you taken it earlier but one of you didn’t want to mediate so…) with a different set of mediators who will help you both try to resolve your equitable distribution issues.

Point is if you decide to go to court, you will most likely be seeing five different individuals who act as mediators.  Each of these individuals will only get to see a piece of your divorce instead of someone like me who as your New Jersey divorce mediator from start to finish will see the entire picture and help you put all the pieces in place in relation to the others.  What most couples don’t realize is that divorce is a complex situations with many moving parts.  All of those parts must be considered in relation to the others in order for the solution to truly work.  Going to one court-ordered mediator for parenting and two others for an early settlement panel and then two more mediators for court-ordered economic mediation is just silly.  Why involve five individuals when you can have just one NJ divorce mediator?

###

Joseph Dillon is a Professional Accredited Divorce Mediator in NJ and the owner of Equitable Mediation Services a New Jersey divorce mediation practice serving Somerset, Mercer, Middlesex, Essex, Morris, Monmouth and Hunterdon counties including the towns of Edison, Parsippany, East Brunswick, West Orange, Bridgewater, South Brunswick, Hillsborough, Livingston, Randolph, Maplewood, West Windsor, Summit, Plainsboro, Millburn, Morristown, Montgomery, Madison, Readington, Branchburg, Warren, Princeton, Metuchen, Lawrenceville, Pennington, Short Hills, Bernards, Bedminster, Colts Neck, Holmdel, Roseland, Montclair and surrounding areas.