Divorce Mediation Living Together and Parenting Plans

Given today’s tough economic times, many of the clients we see here at Equitable Mediation Services are under severe financial duress and not in the best position to get a divorce at this time.  However the emotional issues they face and the stress of “living in limbo” seems to outweigh the financial impact so they seek a NJ divorce mediator and move ahead.  One of the most common questions I get is “how long will this take?” to which I answer: it’s up to both of you.  You see when using divorce mediation in New Jersey, the clients set the pace and while normally most clients want it to take as short as possible, these days many want to slow it down for weeks, months and perhaps even years.  That’s where a NJ divorce mediator can really help you find a balance that allows you to feel like you’re moving ahead without taking the final step until you are both ready.  In this the first of a three part series, we’ll discuss how using a divorce mediation service like Equitable Mediation Services can help couples who don’t have the financial means to complete their divorce still create a practical agreement until they are ready to proceed.  Then when you are ready to file and move ahead it will be a simple process and the timing is completely up to you.

Today we’re going to focus on parenting plans and when it comes to parenting plans there are two things we need to consider with regard to the children: the physical custody and the legal custody.  In mediation we outline what we call a “parent on duty” schedule that has each of you fully responsible for the care of the children on certain days and nights as well as holidays and vacations. This allows for an easier transition for everyone when you do establish separate households as the children will already know what a “mommy night” or a “daddy night” is.  This also allows each of you to go and be adults (there is no shame in this!) and have some alone time so you can contemplate the next phase of your life.  We also discuss how the parenting plans will work with regard to things such as who is responsible for homework, contact with the school, going to the doctor, driving to sports games, dance lessons, etc.  All of these decisions are designed to allow both of you to have as much time with the children as possible while maintaining a sense of order and routine for their benefit.  And once the parenting plans are established, they go right into your MOU and can remain exactly the same in your final agreement so you get peace of mind in the interim and progress is made that can be used going forward.

In our next article, we’ll discuss the moves you can make with regard to equitable distribution of marital assets and liabilities and steps you can take while still living together to make sure your financial transition is as orderly and stress-free as possible.

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Joseph Dillon is a Professional Accredited Divorce Mediator in NJ and the owner of Equitable Mediation Services a New Jersey divorce mediation practice serving Somerset, Mercer, Middlesex, Essex, Morris, Monmouth and Hunterdon counties including the towns of Edison, Parsippany, East Brunswick, West Orange, Bridgewater, South Brunswick, Hillsborough, Livingston, Randolph, Maplewood, West Windsor, Summit, Plainsboro, Millburn, Morristown, Montgomery, Madison, Readington, Branchburg, Warren, Princeton, Metuchen, Lawrenceville, Pennington, Short Hills, Bernards, Bedminster, Colts Neck, Holmdel, Roseland, Montclair and surrounding areas.