In our previous two posts we discussed how couples who use NJ divorce mediation can draft agreements regarding parenting plans and the equitable distribution of marital assets and liabilities in advance of their pending divorce and file when they are ready.  Given the economic times we are living in, it may be in a couple’s best financial interest to remain married for a variety of reasons (housing, health insurance, employment status being tenuous etc.) and file somewhere down the road.  Some couples I see as a NJ divorce mediator tell me they plan on waiting years to file.  Well years may be a bit much but for couples who wish to wait a few months or maybe even a year, using divorce mediation in NJ is the smartest route one can take no matter what your time line.  In today’s final post in the series, we’ll look at two of the most complex divorce mediation topics: child support and alimony.  Given the emotions surrounding them, it’s no surprise they are often the most difficult to get agreement on from couples in divorce mediation in New Jersey.  Factor into this child support is a formulaic calculation that uses a software program and a set of NJ Child Support Guidelines while spousal support (or alimony as it is commonly referred to) is not calculated at all and is loosely based on a series of spousal support / alimony statutory factors (which in the opinion of this NJ divorce mediator are vague at best) create quite a dilemma.

From our equitable distribution conversations, you have an idea of how your major assets and liabilities are to be divided.  That being said, one of the most important decisions when it come to calculating both child support and alimony is the the decision on housing.  Are you going to sell the marital home or will one of you live in it?  Will you reimburse the other party for their equitable distribution or will they wait to be reimbursed until you decide to sell it?  All of these decisions go to (a) where will you all live (b) how much money each of you will have for housing and (c) how much each of you will need to live your post-marital life.  In addition to the parenting plans we developed earlier, this is a major factor in how we calculate child support and alimony.  If we can have the conversations we need to have, then determining an appropriate amount child support and alimony becomes a lot easier.  You may even establish separate bank accounts and begin the paying of child support and alimony and then behave as if you were roommates and share the household expenses as you see fit.  Then you file whenever you’re comfortable because after all, it’s your divorce, isn’t it so should that be up to you?

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Joseph Dillon is a Professional Accredited Divorce Mediator in NJ and the owner of Equitable Mediation Services a New Jersey divorce mediation practice serving Somerset, Mercer, Middlesex, Essex, Morris, Monmouth and Hunterdon counties including the towns of Edison, Parsippany, East Brunswick, West Orange, Bridgewater, South Brunswick, Hillsborough, Livingston, Randolph, Maplewood, West Windsor, Summit, Plainsboro, Millburn, Morristown, Montgomery, Madison, Readington, Branchburg, Warren, Princeton, Metuchen, Lawrenceville, Pennington, Short Hills, Bernards, Bedminster, Colts Neck, Holmdel, Roseland, Montclair and surrounding areas.

In the last article on the Equitable Mediation Services blog, we focused on how couples can use divorce mediation in NJ to put together an agreement that allows them to manage their parenting plans while they proceed with their divorce at their own pace as given financial pressures, they may wish to delay things for weeks, months or even years.    Today we’re going to focus on the equitable distribution of marital assets and liabilities and what issues couples can resolve while using a NJ divorce mediator to ease the transition of their financial lives during and after divorce.   As we said before, given the times we live in many of the couples we see at Equitable Mediation Services are under severe financial duress and not in a position to proceed right at this very moment but they still want to move things forward so they hire a NJ divorce mediator thinking it’s better to get this over with than to remain in limbo.  But what some couples are relieved to find out is that when they file is completely up to them.   Some people use this as an opportunity to make arrangements regarding their finances to they can get a handle on who will get what as part of the divorce settlement and their Memorandum of Understanding and they can plan their lives for the future.  Then, when they are ready to proceed, they file knowing full well which of the assets and liabilities each of them will have as part of their equitable distribution.

As you know, one of the most difficult things any married couple faces is the sharing of household finances.  Over the years you probably opened numerous joint bank accounts, credit cards, took a mortgage in both of your names, bought property and shared retirement assets through your 401(k) or pension.  All of these items take time to value and divide so coming to see a NJ divorce mediator prior to having the conversation and filing can be a big help in easing your financial transition.  Face it: you can’t have this talk on your own as like the old saying goes: what’s the number one thing couples fight about?  Money! In our time together we will create a balance sheet and budget for both of you as a married couple as well as for your future lives as single people and use that as a the basis for our discussion, dividing assets and liabilities fairly and equitably.  Remember: NJ is not a 50 /50 or community property state but rather an equitable distribution state which allows couples to divide their assets and liabilities as they determine is fair to each party.  We will also order valuations of major assets such as real estate or pensions and factor this in as well as getting these reports takes time and does have a major impact on what one’s bottom line will look like.  We can then put it all together to give each of you a complete financial picture of what you look like as a couple and what you will look like as individuals.

In our next article, we’ll discuss the moves you can make with regard to child support and spousal support / alimony and conversations you can have in order to begin the process of calculating the appropriate amounts of each and planing for your and your children’s financial future.

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If you have any questions about divorce mediation in NJ or how hiring a NJ divorce mediator can benefit you, please feel free to contact Equitable Mediation Services to schedule a free, no-obligation consultation in one of our nine North or Central New Jersey office locations.  Or feel free to visit the Equitable Mediation Services website where you’ll find lots of great information about parenting plans, equitable distribution, NJ child support and spousal support / alimony and contact us when you’re ready.

Given today’s tough economic times, many of the clients we see here at Equitable Mediation Services are under severe financial duress and not in the best position to get a divorce at this time.  However the emotional issues they face and the stress of “living in limbo” seems to outweigh the financial impact so they seek a NJ divorce mediator and move ahead.  One of the most common questions I get is “how long will this take?” to which I answer: it’s up to both of you.  You see when using divorce mediation in New Jersey, the clients set the pace and while normally most clients want it to take as short as possible, these days many want to slow it down for weeks, months and perhaps even years.  That’s where a NJ divorce mediator can really help you find a balance that allows you to feel like you’re moving ahead without taking the final step until you are both ready.  In this the first of a three part series, we’ll discuss how using a divorce mediation service like Equitable Mediation Services can help couples who don’t have the financial means to complete their divorce still create a practical agreement until they are ready to proceed.  Then when you are ready to file and move ahead it will be a simple process and the timing is completely up to you.

Today we’re going to focus on parenting plans and when it comes to parenting plans there are two things we need to consider with regard to the children: the physical custody and the legal custody.  In mediation we outline what we call a “parent on duty” schedule that has each of you fully responsible for the care of the children on certain days and nights as well as holidays and vacations. This allows for an easier transition for everyone when you do establish separate households as the children will already know what a “mommy night” or a “daddy night” is.  This also allows each of you to go and be adults (there is no shame in this!) and have some alone time so you can contemplate the next phase of your life.  We also discuss how the parenting plans will work with regard to things such as who is responsible for homework, contact with the school, going to the doctor, driving to sports games, dance lessons, etc.  All of these decisions are designed to allow both of you to have as much time with the children as possible while maintaining a sense of order and routine for their benefit.  And once the parenting plans are established, they go right into your MOU and can remain exactly the same in your final agreement so you get peace of mind in the interim and progress is made that can be used going forward.

In our next article, we’ll discuss the moves you can make with regard to equitable distribution of marital assets and liabilities and steps you can take while still living together to make sure your financial transition is as orderly and stress-free as possible.

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Joseph Dillon is a Professional Accredited Divorce Mediator in NJ and the owner of Equitable Mediation Services a New Jersey divorce mediation practice serving Somerset, Mercer, Middlesex, Essex, Morris, Monmouth and Hunterdon counties including the towns of Edison, Parsippany, East Brunswick, West Orange, Bridgewater, South Brunswick, Hillsborough, Livingston, Randolph, Maplewood, West Windsor, Summit, Plainsboro, Millburn, Morristown, Montgomery, Madison, Readington, Branchburg, Warren, Princeton, Metuchen, Lawrenceville, Pennington, Short Hills, Bernards, Bedminster, Colts Neck, Holmdel, Roseland, Montclair and surrounding areas.