NJ Divorce Mediation and Debt

In today’s economy, many of the couples we see at Equitable Mediation Services come to us with a rather bleak financial picture and it’s no surprise given the news we hear every day.  With jobs hard to come by and the housing market still suffering losses, many divorcing couples are faced with the unenviable task of dividing liabilities rather than assets and are finding coming to an equitable distribution agreement to be more difficult than in years past.  Typically divorcing couples expect that once they “clear the decks” and sell the marital home, each of them will have a lump sum of cash to start over but sadly with today’s housing market, it’s usually not the case.  As a New Jersey divorce mediator the Memorandum of Understanding (MOU) I am drafting for client couples typically contains a balance sheet which lists all of the couples assets and liabilities and shows how each will be divided.  Think of it as a “divorce mediation worksheet” that outlines your overall financial picture as a married couple.  Working together, we discuss how each of the assets and liabilities will be divided and work to come to a fair and equitable agreement that each of you feels meets your needs and goals as you move forward into your new separate lives.  But what happens when all you have left is debt and neither of you wants to move forward or one of you feels you should get all the assets while the other is left with all the debt?

A simple rule of thumb when it comes to equitable distribution is with the asset, too goes the debt.  For example, let’s say a client couple owns a home jointly and has a mortgage on the property.  If during equitable distribution discussions, it was agreed by both parties that the wife was going to get the marital home as part of the settlement, then with the home would also go the responsibility of the mortgage.   On the balance sheet, we would then use the market value of the marital home and list that in the assets column and the take the outstanding balance of the mortgage and list that in the liabilities column.  The difference is what the wife received in equitable distribution.  As we previously discussed, sometimes the value of the home is “underwater” whereby it’s market value is less than what a couple owes on it.  In this case, the client couple would also need to discuss if the wife needs to be compensated with some other assets (or similarly trade off some other liability) in order for the couple to agree the equitable distribution is fair and equitable.  Remember: equitable distribution does not necessarily mean one party will receive a positive asset or cash it just means that each party has what they consider to be a fair and equitable distribution of both marital assets and liabilities, even if that means you are both in a negative equity position. Confused?  I could see why but don’t be.  As a New Jersey divorce mediator, it is my job to help you and your spouse sort through all of your assets and liabilities and draft an agreement that allows each of you to move on with your lives even if it means coming up with a creative solution that only mediation can provide.

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Joseph Dillon is a Professional Accredited Divorce Mediator in NJ and the owner of Equitable Mediation Services a New Jersey divorce mediation practice serving Northern and Central New Jersey, Somerset, Mercer, Middlesex, Essex, Morris, Monmouth and Hunterdon counties including the towns of Edison, Parsippany, East Brunswick, West Orange, Bridgewater, South Brunswick, Hillsborough, Livingston, Randolph, Maplewood, West Windsor, Summit, Plainsboro, Millburn, Morristown, Montgomery, Madison, Readington, Branchburg, Warren, Princeton, Metuchen, Lawrenceville, Pennington, Short Hills, Bernards, Bedminster, Colts Neck, Holmdel, Roseland, Montclair and surrounding areas.

Equitable Mediation Services Divorce Mediation in Holmdel and Colts Neck NJ

Equitable Mediation Services is a New Jersey divorce mediation practice serving divorcing couples and their children with both traditional divorce mediation as well as post divorce parent coordination services in Somerset, Mercer, Middlesex, Essex, Morris and Hunterdon counties and has now brought its practice to the Holmdel and Colts Neck area with its newest office in Red Bank in Monmouth county.  Located at 125 Half Mile Road, Suite 200 in Red Bank NJ, Equitable Mediation Services is committed to helping you and your family get through your divorce with as little impact to everyone as possible and being there when you need us and where you need us is just one of the many ways we can help.  We understand you’ve got enough on your mind and finding a caring, professional and accredited divorce mediator in New Jersey is the last thing you want to worry about so that’s why we make every attempt to bring our practice to a location near you.

You may be wondering why we have so many offices throughout New Jersey and how we can still provide the same high level of service that all of our clients have come to expect.   First of all, couples in crisis don’t simply live in one part of the State of NJ, they come from all over with backgrounds as diverse as the towns they live in.  Limiting our practice to one or two towns simply does not work for you, our clients so it’s important to us to be there when you need us most.  Next, all mediation sessions are conducted by Accredited NJ Divorce Mediator Joseph F. Dillon who has the experience, compassion and understanding that such a situation requires.  You will not be passed off to a junior associate and need to “re-explain” your situation to yet another person.  During our time together, we will create a relationship built on trust and mutual respect and work towards finding a mutually agreeable solution for both of you.  The only way this can happen is if you get to know your divorce mediator and your divorce mediator gets to know you.

Divorce is difficult enough so bringing our services closer to you in the Red Bank area is one of the many ways we try to make it a little bit easier on you and your family.  If you’re looking for divorce mediation services in Red Bank NJ then you’ve come to the right place.  If you have any questions about divorce mediation or how mediation can benefit you, please feel free to contact us to schedule a free, no-obligation consultation in our Holmdel and Colts Neck area office where we will take some time to get to know more about you and your situation and see if mediation is right for you.  Of if you’re simply not ready yet, feel free to visit the Equitable Mediation Services website where you’ll find lots of great information about parenting plans, equitable distribution, NJ child support and spousal support / alimony and contact us when you’re ready.  We look forward to helping you get through your divorce peacefully, efficiently and with as little stress on you and your family as possible and look forward to hearing from you when you’re ready.

Divorce Mediation in New Jersey is a Voluntary Process

I would estimate more than half of the individuals who call Equitable Mediation Services seeking a divorce mediation service in NJ are from couples in which one party has made the decision to divorce but the other is either reluctant or not willing to move forward with the idea of a divorce at all.  This puts the parties in a difficult situation since as the old saying goes it takes two people to get married in New Jersey but it only takes one to get divorced, they are now at a fork in the road.  Does the individual who is ready to proceed with divorce and possibly mediation wait for the other individual to “become ready” and then they move forward or does the individual who is ready now, hire an attorney, file with the courts and start the whole ugly process of divorce moving forward like a runaway train?

As the title suggests, divorce mediation in NJ is a voluntary process. That is, I as your New Jersey divorce mediator cannot compel either of you to come to either a free consultation or use a mediation service to handle your divorce.  Both of you need to be there willingly (and I use that term loosely since I’m not sure I have worked with too many couples in which both parties were absolutely 100% certain they wanted to move forward with a divorce) and make an honest, good faith effort to peacefully resolve your differences.   But what about the couple where one is ready to move forward and one is reluctant or unwilling?  To them I say this.

You have a choice.  As an adult, we are all the product of the sum of our life experiences.  Every choice we’ve made up until this point in time has helped shape and define who we are and where we are in life.  Some of our choices have led us down paths that will never let us know “what if” we took the other.  Some of our choices are good and some of them are bad but in the end, they are our choices and we have to live with the consequences.  Now you are faced with another very important choice which as studies have shown time and time again, will impact you for the rest of your years on this Earth and that is how do you handle your divorce.

The reality is this: the divorce is moving forward with or without your cooperation as one party does not need permission from another party to file for divorce. So you can either resist it or you can recognize what is happening and make an informed decision and learn more about divorce mediation.  I am certain when you got married you never thought you would have found yourself in this position.  Now you have to face yet another fork in the road of life and deal with the related consequences of your choice.  Do you resist the divorce, have your partner forcibly have it move forward and then have to go hire an attorney and litigate it going financially and emotionally bankrupt in the process or do you do the smart thing and use the services of a NJ divorce mediator and peacefully and efficiently resolve your divorce and let your healing process begin?

If you’re not sure about what your choices really look like, I invite you to have a look at this brochure to learn more about what your alternatives truly arand I will leave you with this: choose wisely.

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Joseph Dillon is a Professional Accredited Divorce Mediator in NJ and the owner of Equitable Mediation Services a New Jersey divorce mediation practice serving Somerset, Mercer, Middlesex, Essex, Morris, Monmouth and Hunterdon counties including the towns of Edison, Parsippany, East Brunswick, West Orange, Bridgewater, South Brunswick, Hillsborough, Livingston, Randolph, Maplewood, West Windsor, Summit, Plainsboro, Millburn, Morristown, Montgomery, Madison, Readington, Branchburg, Warren, Princeton, Metuchen, Lawrenceville, Pennington, Short Hills, Bernards, Bedminster, Colts Neck, Holmdel, Roseland, Montclair and surrounding areas.

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