NJ Divorce Mediation Equitable Distribution and Fairness

If you gave 100 people a dollar and asked them to “divide it fairly” what do you think they would do?  Would one of them keep all of it or would they be more likely to split it 50/50, each taking half?  Couples using divorce mediation in New Jersey face a similar question when it comes to the concept of equitable distribution as when they use divorce mediation to settle their differences, how they choose to divide their assets and liabilities is up to them.  Similarly, NJ divorce mediation allows couples to determine what they feel is fair and equitable, even though each parties list of assets and liabilities may not add up evenly.  What if I told you one of the people I asked to divide the dollar was not from this country?  Do you think giving a citizen of say Germany $0.50 would do them any good?  Probably not.  You see with divorce mediation, it is up to the individuals to determine what is fair and equitable and with the help of an accredited New Jersey divorce mediator, they can come to an agreement that works for them.  What if one party wishes to purchase a new home and they need cash for a down payment?  They may be more willing to trade retirement savings and investment accounts for a checking or savings account that may be more liquid and allow them to put a down payment on a new living space.  Similarly, perhaps one party is close to retirement and instead of having to start all over at age 55 saving for their golden years, is willing to forgo their interest in the marital home in exchange for keeping their 401(k).  All of these decisions are yours to make but only if you use divorce mediation.

In mediation we use the concept of “bargaining from positions versus interests” in which we try to avoid having one party simply argue for something just because they are entrenched in that position and aren’t really sure why they want or need that particular item.  Instead with couples using our mediation services, we take the time to explore their options, determine what the parties mutual and well as individual interests and goals are and help them make decisions to achieve those goals.  Sometimes the road ahead is not so clear but with the help of a NJ divorce mediator, it can be.  So before you proceed with your divorce, ask yourself the following three questions:

1. What are my short term and long term goals after I am divorced?
2. What is it that I absolutely have to have in order to achieve them?
3. What is it that I am willing to offer to my soon to be ex-spouse in order to realize these goals?

Once you can answer these three things, you’ll be in a much better position to settle your divorce and make your own decision about equitable distribution and what is fair to you.

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Joseph Dillon is a Professional Accredited Divorce Mediator in NJ and the owner of Equitable Mediation Services a New Jersey divorce mediation practice serving Somerset, Mercer, Middlesex, Essex, Morris, Union and Hunterdon counties including the towns of Edison, Parsippany, East Brunswick, West Orange, Bridgewater, South Brunswick, Hillsborough, Livingston, Randolph, Maplewood, West Windsor, Summit, Plainsboro, Millburn, Morristown, Montgomery, Madison, Readington, Branchburg, Warren, Princeton, Metuchen, Lawrenceville, Pennington, Short Hills, Bernards, Bedminster and surrounding areas.