Divorce Mediation in New Jersey and Compromise

Some couples seeking divorce mediation in New Jersey come to us here at Equitable Mediation Services expecting us to have some magic bullet that is going to get the other party to agree to all of their wishes but sadly, that is simply not the case.  I often remind them that while I as a NJ divorce mediator can provide them lots of useful and pertinent legal information as well as help them create options that may work for them in their particular situation, I am not permitted by law to decide for them one way or the other.  Nor can I sit in judgment and based on information presented to me, advise them on what side of the law their case will come down on.  You see, the amazing thing about our system of laws is that when it comes to making decisions, much of the power lies in the hands of the people who are engaged in the disagreement in the first place. And while yes, the law can seem at times complicated and confusing (and it is) the bottom line is that provided it is within reason, two parties can come to whatever agreement they can mutually land on.  And that’s where divorce mediation in New Jersey comes in.

By empowering the parties, I as your NJ divorce mediator will help guide you through the maze of the law while encouraging each of you to make compromises to reach an agreement before it ever gets to a courtroom. It is the goal of every one of our sessions to make progress no matter how incremental towards coming to a mutually agreeable solution that you and your children can both live with and benefit from moving forward.  I cannot compel either of you to abide by it nor can I implore you to agree with something the other party put forth in one of our sessions.  What I can tell you is that by choosing to use divorce mediation in New Jersey, you have at least given yourselves a chance of coming to a compromise before you enter the litigious world of the attorney driven divorce and trust me, that is not something you even want to consider.

What I find as a NJ divorce mediator is that most couple’s issues are well within the realm of being addressed and resolved in mediation. In fact 95% of the time divorce mediation in New Jersey is a success with the parties being able to come to an agreement in session saving them lots of time and money in the process.  But what about the couples that can’t come to such an amicable conclusion?  To them I say this.  Think about the real differences that lie between the two of you.  Regardless of the issues of your principles, at the end of the day, there is a cost to resolve disagreements by going to mediation or going to court.  So wouldn’t you rather resolve the issue among yourselves, in the privacy of a NJ divorce mediator‘s office at a significantly reduced cost or would you rather go to court and spend $50,000 on what will most likely in the end be a matter of much less financial significance?

I have often found that the couples with bigger dollar amounts at stake are the most likely to compromise and resolve their issues and the ones where items costing less than $100 are the ones in which the most difficulty occurs.  So ask yourself this:  if I’m arguing about $100, do I really want to spend $25,000 to prove my point or should I compromise, pay half and save myself $24,950?

Your call.