What to Look for in a New Jersey Divorce Mediator Part 2

In our first article on what to look for in a NJ divorce mediator, we examined some of the common questions couples seeking divorce mediation services should ask to get a better idea of the background and experience of the mediator.  In today’s post we’ll take a look at some of the interpersonal issues divorcing couples should consider when seeking a mediation service and offer some questions to ask yourself before moving forward.  As we discussed in part 1, divorce mediators in New Jersey can come from a variety of backgrounds including mental health, legal and financial so it’s important to select a mediator that has the experience and style that suits your particular personality and needs.

1. Am I willing to share information with this person? – Divorce mediation is about so much more than just the legal issues surrounding divorce.  It can be part of the healing process in which each party can work through some of the pain and anger of their pending divorce.  While not meant to be a substitute for a mental health professional, it is important you feel that your divorce mediator cares about you and your children and if an issue does arise, they can refer you to someone who can help.
2. Is this person impartial? - it is the job of every divorce mediator in New Jersey to be a neutral third party but are you certain that yours is or can be?  Whether it’s the biases we carry or our background or training (which is especially true of most attorneys who try to be mediators as they are trained advocates, not neutral third parties!) showing favor to one party in mediation is a red flag and one that should not be tolerated.  And if something does come up, can you address it with the mediator and know that your concerns will be properly addressed?
3. Does this person “get us?” – will the mediator try to come up with a unique solution or are they just following the process and trying to fit you into a cookie cutter template?  All part of being a great divorce mediator is listening to the couple and seeing what it is they want, even though it may not be what a “typical” settlement looks like.  Remember – this is mediation and you’re here because you want to come up with a solution that works for you – not the courts, a judge or a lawyer.

One last point of note: this is the rest of you and your children’s lives so make sure you make a decision based on relevant facts and not on just who may be closest to your home or has evening office hours.  I can’t tell you how many times we’ve had clients come to us at Equitable Mediation Services with paperwork from another mediator they started with only to be disappointed in the result because they didn’t consider the mediator’s personality and background.  In the end it wound up costing the couple more time and even more money to get a solution that worked for them.

If you do have any questions about divorce mediation or how we may help you, please feel free to contact us and we’ll do our best to address your concerns right away.  We know how difficult a decision divorce can be and we promise to be with you every step of the way to get you and your family a solution that works for you.