What to Look for in a New Jersey Divorce Mediator Part 1

One of the things I am often asked for as a New Jersey divorce mediator is references which as simple a question as it might seem, puts me in a tight spot.  You see, divorce mediation is a confidential process and therefore no specific information regarding the parties can be shared.  I am certain that if you came to Equitable Mediation Services to mediate your divorce, you wouldn’t want me handing out your name and telephone number to complete strangers.  So before you go out and meet with a NJ divorce mediator, here is a list of questions to ask in order to help you get a better idea if this person is qualified to facilitate your divorce mediation.

1. What is the mediator’s experience? I know everyone has to start somewhere but do you really want to be their first or second client?  And do they specialize in divorce and family?  There are other types of mediation such as civil and employment and the laws are completely different.  Make sure your mediator has experience specifically in family and divorce.
2. What is their educational background? If you are a particularly high conflict couple, you may wish to consider using a divorce mediator in New Jersey with a mental health background.  Or if finances are more your concern such as equitable distribution, New Jersey child support or spousal support / alimony, you may wish to consider someone with a MBA in finance such as myself.
3. Are they a full time mediator or do they do something else? You may encounter are attorneys who now call themselves mediators.  No disrespect to lawyers but good lawyers do not necessarily make good mediators as attorneys are trained advocated who’s job is to represent one of the parties whereas a divorce mediator is a neutral third party who represents neither party but advocates for both.  Therefore most attorneys have a very difficult time being good mediators.
4. Where and when did they receive their training? It is imperative that you find a divorce mediator that has been trained in the laws of your state by a reputable organization.  Here in NJ, we have the New Jersey Association of Professional Mediators (NJAPM) which offers a comprehensive training class covering all aspects of divorce mediation as well as the Institute for Continuing Legal Education so we can stay on top of all legal issues and cases as they arise.  The law is ever changing so not only is it important to ask the mediator where they received their training but also when and what classes they’ve taken recently to stay on top of their profession.
5. Are they accredited? When it comes to the top 1% of all mediators in New Jersey, you are looking for someone who is accredited.  Ask your NJ divorce mediator if they have the designation of APM – Accredited Professional Mediator.  it is the only way for you to know if your mediator has passed the rigorous review and credentialing process put forth by the NJAPM.  There is no such thing as a “certified mediator” in New Jersey so be careful.

In part two of this series, we’ll take a look at some of the interpersonal issues you should be aware of when interviewing a New Jersey divorce mediator but if you have any questions about divorce mediation or our practice, Equitable Mediation Services, please feel free to contact us as we’re always glad to help.