Mediation, Collaborative Divorce or Litigation: Which is Most Empowering?

Here at the offices of Equitable Mediation Services, we get a lot of calls from people inquiring about divorce mediation in New Jersey but for one reason or another they are reluctant to book a free consultation and off they go never to be heard from again.   Do they think perhaps there is a better way to divorce?  Or perhaps by speaking with an attorney there will be some magic bullet that an attorney has available that a NJ divorce mediator doesn’t?  We all live in New Jersey and we all must follow the same rules when it comes to divorce so unless one of the parties is incapable of making rational decisions, given enough information they are permitted to make any decision they so desire with regards to their divorce.  So when you really think about it you need less legal counsel and more legal information and that’s where the expertise of an accredited professional NJ divorce mediator comes in.

Let’s briefly take a look at where each of the three major paths to divorce – litigation, collaborative law and divorce mediation stand when it comes to empowerment.

1. Litigation - I think it’s safe to say that litigation is your option of last resort.  You are represented by an attorney and all of your hopes, fears and desires must be communicated through your appointed legal counsel.  Your fate is then determined by (1) the judge and (2) your attorney’s competence level  No disrespect to those in the profession but there are a lot of bad lawyers out there so take your chances if you think you’re feeling lucky.  Who is this good for? Extremely high conflict couples who have no respect for each other and can’t be in the same room together.  Based on the most recent literature, this would represent about 1% – 3% of the general population.
2. Collaborative Divorce (also known as Collaborative Law) – Much like litigation this is an attorney controlled process where you, your attorney, your spouse and their attorney sit in a room together and try to work things out.  That’s a lot of people in the same room trying to work things out not to mention the messages will get diluted as there are four people in there, each with their own viewpoints.  And if you know anything about attorneys they are fierce advocates for their client.   Not for a fair and equitable settlement mind you but rather for the people who are paying for their time.  Who is this good for? The attorneys billing you.
3. Divorce Mediation – When it comes to empowerment, you can’t beat divorce mediation in NJ.  By providing the parties with the legal information they need to make an informed decision, your New Jersey divorce mediator will help empower each of you to express your hopes, fears and desires and to work towards a mutually agreeable resolution.  Neither party can win at the expense of the other and you are both free to come to an agreement that works for you and your children when applicable.  Who is this good for? You and your children.  Based on recent literature, couples able to settle their divorce before getting to court represents about 97% to 99% of the general population.

So when it comes down to it, divorce mediation is the best way to put your divorce firmly in your hands and give you the greatest sense of control over your own future I mean after all, it is you divorce last time I checked.