Divorce Should Not Be a Full Time Job

Today I read an interesting article about going to war during a divorce and thought to myself “this person must not know about divorce mediation” because as a New Jersey divorce mediator I think the concept of divorce as war is as nonsensical as one can get!  In the article, the author spent a fair amount of time trying to convince the reader to be prepared to battle and spend 100% of their time focusing on their divorce.  Really?  Divorce as a full time job?  I know the economy is bad and all and perhaps you’ve got nothing to do all day but to focus on your divorce but even if you had the time, do you really want to do that?  Can you imagine the emotional toll that would take on you, not to mention the financial one?  Shudder the thought.  But that’s where divorce mediation comes in.  By using a mediation service such as ours, you can and will get through your divorce peacefully, efficiently and with as little impact to you and your family as possible.  Like the old saying goes “war is hell” and so divorce as war will be no different.  However as responsible adults, you can change the tone of your arguments and your situation and turn your divorce into a more mature and productive proceeding rather than spending all of you time digging in for the fight or whatever other war analogy you can think of. The sad fact of it all is you are both adults and you need to act like it.

And if you think hiring an lawyer and going to court to battle it out is the way to go, then consider these facts:

1. More than 95% of all divorces in the State of New Jersey settle before they ever reach a courtroom -  Why would you need a lawyer if you’re not going to court?
2. 50% of court ordered child support is NOT being adhered to a mere one year later yet 85% of mediated child support orders are – What’s better for your children: having a judge tell you what’s good for them or you as parents deciding what’s best for your children?
3. The cost of a litigated divorce is more than 10 times that of a mediated one - I don’t know about you but I would think you’d want to save your money to fund your child’s college fund, not your attorney’s kid’s college fund.

Still not convinced?  Then let me leave you with this.  Whether you choose to litigate or use divorce mediation in New Jersey, the fact of the matter is the laws are exactly the same.  There is no magic in hiring an attorney to fight your battles for you. Lawyers, judges and divorce mediators all operate under the same set of laws that you do and no matter which path you take, the results will be exactly the same with one exception.  Should you choose to fight it out in court or hire attorneys to do your fighting for you, I can promise you that the only thing different about the result at the end of the day will be the balance left in your bank account.