Dirty Tricks in Divorce Mediation: Part 2

In our previous post on the Equitable Mediation Services blog, we discussed some dirty tricks we’ve seen used during the discussion of parenting plans in divorce mediation sessions and some tips for avoiding the potential disasters that come with them.  Today’s post will focus on equitable distribution and some of the things we see and what you can do to try and protect yourself.  In my experience as a NJ divorce mediator, the three most common equitable distribution dirty tricks we see are:

1. Using a “power imbalance” to manipulate the division of assets – Power imbalances are when one party has an advantage over another party because the first party possess some level of understanding of a subject that the other party does not.  This is especially true when it comes to finances as when it comes time to divide the assets and liabilities, the person who is in the know, makes an offer which on the surface seems fair but in reality it’s not. To avoid this, bring in an accountant and a financial advisor to review the proposed settlement so you can understand the tax implications, the impact on your retirement and gain a better understanding of what types of assets you will have left in the end.  Do the assets fit your tolerance for risk?  Does it leave you with a series of taxable assets? Can you liquidate them easily if you had to? All important questions that a financial professional can answer for you.
2. Dismissing the value of an asset or liability - Too many times I’ve heard the following phrase “oh don’t worry my pension  /401k / bank account isn’t worth that much so we don’t need to look at the statements.  Besides we already agreed on how we’re dividing it before we got here.”  Really?  Show me the statement anyway and we’ll let both of you decide if it’s not worth talking about.  Guess what?  In my experience as a NJ divorce mediator,  99% of the time it IS worth talking about.
3. Liquidating accounts or racking up debt as a means of retaliation – divorce can trigger a number of emotions, one of which is anger.  If one party wasn’t expecting it, their first reaction may be to retaliate and that may come in the form of emptying bank accounts or racking up debt.  So if you think your decision to divorce will come as a surprise to the other party, before you make the announcement, make copies of your most recent financial statements including bank accounts, 401k statements, credit cards, etc. as well as take inventory and get appraisals on the items you own that are worth something such as art, collectibles, antiques and jewelry. This way in case your soon to be ex decides to sell everything on EBay, you can at least account for their value and with any luck, be compensated for their worth during the equitable distribution discussions.

In our next post, we’ll focus on some of the issues that arise when it come to the New Jersey child support guidelines and discuss how you can come to a fair and equitable settlement when discussing child support.  Until then, should you have any questions about divorce mediation or how mediation can benefit you, please feel free to contact us to schedule a free, no-obligation consultation to see if mediation is right for you.