Mediation: Putting Kids First, Not in the Middle

As a NJ divorce mediator, I am all too familiar with the horror stories of divorce: endless court battles, parents arguing trying to “win” instead of working together to “resolve,” the ridiculous costs and for what?  Do you think your child will love you more because you spent $50,000 in court proving to yourself that mommy / daddy was a (fill in the blank) _________ ?  Do you think years from now they will remember the lost days playing in the yard or how hard you fought in court to win their undying love and affection?  How about the impact of watching the two of you scream and yell at each other when they get older?  Any thoughts on that?  Here at Equitable Mediation Services, we work to change all of that by putting kids first and not in the middle of what is most certainly an adult issue: divorce.

We do this in three ways:

1. Making the Parenting Plan our first item of discussion. In my experience, starting with the parenting plan allows us to put the focus of your divorce squarely where it belongs.  On your children.  By defining your responsibilities as parents, we can then move forward and temper our agreements on the other three main areas of divorce equitable distribution, child support and spousal support (alimony) making sure they mesh with what you have both decided is best for your children.
2. Developing a realistic “budget based” child support amount. it’s no secret that the State of NJ has what is commonly referred to as the New Jersey Child Support guidelines but let’s be realistic: your child isn’t a statistic they are a living being and should be treated as such.  In my experience, I know that every child is unique and deserves to be treated that way.  That’s why we use a budget based approach as well as the State of NJ child support guidelines so that we can make sure that your child’s needs are being met.  Not the generic needs of some average child whom you’ve never met and really doesn’t exist except on paper.
3. We teach you to communicate. I think it’s a fair statement to say that many of the divorcing couples we see at Equitable Mediation Services have difficulty communicating.  But when it comes to your children, this is unacceptable.  They need the two of you to ensure that their needs are met and their future is secure and how can you do that if you either aren’t on speaking terms or are spending all of your time arguing?  By ensuring we have a detailed and robust parenting plan and realistic NJ child support guidelines calculated, we can focus more on raising our children than arguing over the little details that often trip couples up when they come into our offices post divorce.  The lack of a detailed parenting plan (in my experience) is a major contributing factor to post divorce parenting issues.  With divorce mediation, we make sure we have that covered and then some.

If you have any questions about divorce mediation or how mediation can benefit you, please feel free to contact us to schedule a free, no-obligation consultation in one of our seven North or Central New Jersey office locations where we will take some time to get to know more about you and your situation and see if mediation is right for you.  Of if you’re simply not ready yet, feel free to visit the Equitable Mediation Services website where you’ll find lots of great information about parenting plans, equitable distribution, NJ child support and spousal support / alimony and contact us when you’re ready.  We look forward to helping you get through your divorce peacefully, efficiently and with as little stress on you and your family as possible.