Mediation: Divorce At Your Own Pace

One of the questions we often field as a New Jersey mediation service from divorcing clients is “how long will the mediation and divorce process take?”  Well the answer depends on a variety of factors but the good news is many of them are completely in your control.  From the time you start your search for a New Jersey divorce mediator right on through the final court hearing, can take on average six to seven months in New Jersey but that period of time can be shorter or longer depending on how active in the process you would like to be as well as what pace you are comfortable moving forward at.  In today’s post, we’ll take a look at a few of the factors that can lengthen or shorten that process and what your role in moving them forward can be.

Factor One: Time Between Sessions

Let’s face it: divorce is not a subject most people want to spend a lot of time talking about and so for some couples we see at Equitable Mediation Services, they need extra time between sessions to process what they are going through, take the time to carefully review their Memorandum of Understanding (or MOU) and think about how best to proceed.  Often these are folks who either came to mediation with one outcome in mind and during sessions, came to find out that what they envisioned their divorce to look like was either not possible due to financial constraints or not what the other person had in mind.  Remember: mediation is a collaborative process and therefore both parties need to agree on the MOU in order for it to move to the attorney review stage.  I can’t force either of you to agree to something you aren’t comfortable with.  It is important that you take all the time you need in order to make a well informed decisions as what you agree to now will impact you for the rest of your life so it’s best to move at a pace you are comfortable with, regardless of the pressures you may feel from your spouse or a need “to move things along.”

Factor Two: The Discovery Documentation

One of the major benefits of mediation is that you and your spouse can save at least $20,000 or more over traditional litigated divorces or even collaborative law / collaborative divorce proceedings but you have to be willing to do your homework.  One of the major areas in which you can both help is by providing the mediator your discovery documentation.  Prior to our first session, you will receive a list from me of all the items I will need to receive in order to proceed with your divorce mediation.  Once you’ve gathered these items, we will have a much better idea of what your personal situation looks like and in turn, I can give you a much better estimate as to how long your divorce mediation sessions will take.  While I tell couples that on average, you can expect to be with me for somewhere between four and six session, that will gain, all depend on how quickly you are comfortable moving and how well you and your spouse can communicate during our sessions.

Factor Three: Your Review Attorney

As a New Jersey Divorce Mediator I recommend the use of an attorney but in a very limited way during mediation to answer any questions you may have that I might not be permitted by law to answer as it would jeopardize my neutrality.   The difference between lawyers in mediated divorce versus lawyers in a collaborative law / collaborative divorce is that with mediation, you control the process and simply use them for advice, going to them if / when  you need them thus saving you time and money.  In a collaborative law / collaborative divorce, the lawyers control the pace and the outcome and you’re just kind of along for the ride.   Choosing the right review attorney upfront can save you time and money and help you move through the process more efficiently and with the legal knowledge that you’ve got an advocate on your side if ever you should need one.  Make sure when interviewing attorneys that you ask them right up front if they are “mediation friendly” as you can tell a lot about them based on their answer.  Choose one who isn’t and you’ll be looking at a long, drawn out process that can take years and cost more money that you could possibly imagine.

In Conclusion

While every situation is unique, other than how backed up the courts are at any particular time of year, these three factors come most in to play when determining how long your divorce and mediation will take.  But above all just remember this: move at a pace you are comfortable with as the decisions you make today will impact you for many years to come.  By taking your time, talking it out and using mediation to settle your divorce, you will achieve a better result, in less time, with less stress and at a fraction of the cost truly making it the smarter way to divorce.

If you have any questions about divorce mediation or how mediation can benefit you, please feel free to contact us to schedule a free, no-obligation consultation in one of our seven North or Central New Jersey office locations where we will take some time to get to know more about you and your situation and see if mediation is right for you.  Of if you’re simply not ready yet, feel free to visit the Equitable Mediation Services website where you’ll find lots of great information about parenting plans, equitable distribution, NJ child support and spousal support / alimony and contact us when you’re ready.  We look forward to helping you get through your divorce peacefully, efficiently and with as little stress on you and your family as possible.