Do-it-yourself-divorce: You Get What You Pay For

These days about 10% of the calls we get at Equitable Mediation Services are from divorcing couples in New Jersey who are seeking alternatives to the high cost of divorce and are considering doing it on their own.  Seeking cheap alternatives such as those found on banner ads or late night infomercials, these folks are looking for a way to separate yet still retain the assets they’ve worked so hard to acquire over the course of their life and marriage.  When these calls come in I ask them to consider this: what does “cheap divorce” really mean and more importantly, what problems are secretly lying in wait for you one, five, ten or twenty years down the road? A typical trip to court is approximately $25,000 and while that $299 do-it-yourself divorce looked great on paper, now that it’s costing you more than it would have cost to mediate and do it right, it’s not looking like a bargain now, is it?

As a divorce mediator in New Jersey I think of it as a “you can pay now or you can pay later” type scenario as I can tell you this: issues that you weren’t even thinking about at the time you filled out those quickie divorce forms will come back to bite you, I can promise you that.  But with divorce mediation, you can properly cover all aspects of your divorce and draft all the necessary paperwork to have your divorce filed with the courts for about 1/10th it would cost you to hire a lawyer and litigate and most certainly cost you less than it will to deal with whatever may come your way at some unknown point in the future.

According to Fadi Baradihi, CEO of the Institute for Divorce Financial Analysis:

“Do-it-yourself divorce is very likely to create time-bombs for couples who do not understand the legal and financial implications of the agreement they have created and signed using a kit or online service. This is where a financial professional trained in the special issues of divorce can really help.”

When you think about it, divorce is really a large financial contract as three of the four main areas of divorce are monetary in nature:

1. Equitable Distribution of Marital Assets and Liabilities – this section outlines the financial arrangements of marital property as well as who is responsible for marital debt and the amounts each of you will either receive or be responsible for.  Given the tax implications of certain types of assets, the liquidity or how readily available they are for split and distribution as well as the financial impact certain debt structures may have on you and your credit rating and credit worthiness, this is a conversation better left to a person who is trained in such complex financial matters.
2. New Jersey Child Support – as the name implies, this complex financial calculation will tell each of you what amount of support it will take in order to raise your children from age 0 to age 17 as well as outline how the additional expenditures not covered by the New Jersey Child Support guidelines will be handled.  Again, not a subject to take lightly as these are your children we are talking about here and their care is paramount in any divorce proceeding.
3. Spousal Support / Alimony – unlike child support, spousal support in New Jersey (formerly known as alimony) is a very vague and gray area with no hard and fast guidelines.  How do you really know if you’re going to be able to take care of yourself and if the amount of spousal support / alimony is really sufficient for your particular situation?  Again, something better left to professionals trained in this area.

The fourth area covered during mediation sessions is that of the Parenting Plan.  And while there are no real in-depth discussions regarding money during this portion of mediation, there are downstream financial implications that come with the parenting arrangements you agree to so you really do need someone who is aware of all of this.  None of this information will be contained in your Internet “do-it-yourself” divorce kit – that is for certain.

As a NJ divorce mediator with a background in law and a masters degree in Finance, I have handled such complex financial matters for more than 18 years and am familiar with the intricacies that divorce and divorce mediation require.  By working with both of you to come to agreements that are fair and equitable to each, I have the experience to help guide you through the tough conversations you’ll need to have in order to peacefully and efficiently resolve all of the issues surrounding your divorce.  Along the way I’ll provide you with the legal and financial information you need to make an informed decision and if something comes up that you’re not comfortable with or you need additional guidance, we have a team of professionals in all areas of finance and law that can assist you to get you the help you need.  So when you think about it, why take the chance on a do-it-yourself divorce when a professionally mediated divorce will wind up costing you less in the long run anyway?

If you have any questions about divorce mediation or how mediation can benefit you, please feel free to contact us to schedule a free, no-obligation consultation in one of our seven North or Central New Jersey office locations where we will take some time to get to know more about you and your situation and see if mediation is right for you.  Of if you’re simply not ready yet, feel free to visit the Equitable Mediation Services website where you’ll find lots of great information about parenting plans, equitable distribution, NJ child support and spousal support / alimony and contact us when you’re ready.