For regular readers of the Equitable Mediation Services blog, you’ve seen me write about each of the four main areas covered during divorce mediation sessions:

1. Parenting Plans
2. Equitable Distribution of Marital Assets and Liabilities
3. New Jersey Child Support
4. Spousal Support / Alimony

When looking at the list above it may seem simply like an ordinary list written in no particular order but did you know that (a) this is the actual order we cover these topics during our mediation sessions and (b) there is a reason why we do this? In this the first article in a four part series, I’d like to take some time to explain the reasons why we use parenting plans as our jumping off point and then in the follow-up articles, go into exactly what makes a great parenting plan and tell you how you and your ex can develop a plan that works for both you and the kids both during divorce mediation as well as after you are actually separated.

I have heard that other mediators have a different take on their approach to divorce mediation and start with equitable distribution as their first topic thinking money is the thing most couples fight about so best to get the difficult stuff out of the way first, but for this New Jersey divorce mediator, the children always come first, regardless of how much money a couples has or doesn’t have.  When I get a client couple that tries to get me to address the financial issues first, I know right away that we’re not going to be a good fit and usually elect to terminate the mediation. That’s the beauty of divorce mediation: it’s a voluntary process and that means it is voluntary for the client couple and your divorce mediator. Why do I do this you ask?  Because if you think money is more important than your children, think again.

I became a divorce mediator because I wanted to help people peacefully resolve their differences and not get chewed up and spat out by the traditional means of divorce using lawyers and fighting it out in the court system.  In those typically attorney-driven divorces, more time is spent prolonging the fight than trying to resolve the conflict and who gets trapped in the middle because they don’t have a seat at the table?  Your children.  That is why I put the parenting plan first because when we center our attention on what is best for the kids, we get better results.  Better for them since their needs are addressed first and you can go on being mom and dad and better for the client couple since their priorities are all directed by what’s best for the children and their decisions tend to be rooted in a sense of fairness to the family rather than in anger towards their soon to be ex-spouse.

For those of you unfamiliar with the topic, parenting plans are a detailed description of how both of you will interact with the children and the decisions you will make on behalf of the children after you are divorced.  Issues of physical and legal custody are addressed as well as some economic issues that will impact the calculation of your New Jersey child support payments all of which are outlined in the formal parenting plan.  In the next article we’ll talk about the first part of the parenting plan: the physical custody issues.  Why they are important to address first, how they impact the legal custody issues and ultimately the New Jersey child support calculations.

In the meantime should you have any questions about divorce mediation or how mediation can benefit you, please feel free to contact us to schedule a free, no-obligation consultation in one of our six central New Jersey office locations where we will take some time to get to know more about you and your situation and see if mediation is right for you.  Of if you’re simply not ready yet, feel free to visit the Equitable Mediation Services website where you’ll find lots of great information about parenting plans, equitable distribution, NJ child support and spousal support / alimony and contact us when you’re ready.  We look forward to helping you get through your divorce peacefully, efficiently and with as little stress on you and your family as possible.

On Monday July 20, 2009 a workshop outlining the benefits of mediation will be held at Glouster County Community College in Sewell, NJ.  The workshop is free of charge and details on the workshop can be found by going here:

http://www.nj.com/gloucester-county/index.ssf/2009/07/transition_workshops_offered_a.html

And once you attend the workshop, should you have any questions about divorce mediation or how mediation can benefit you, please feel free to contact us to schedule a free, no-obligation consultation in one of our six central New Jersey office locations where we will take some time to get to know more about you and your situation and see if mediation is right for you.  Of if you’re simply not ready yet, feel free to visit the Equitable Mediation Services website where you’ll find lots of great information about parenting plans, equitable distribution, NJ child support and spousal support / alimony and contact us when you’re ready.  We look forward to helping you get through your divorce peacefully, efficiently and with as little stress on you and your family as possible.

For the divorcing couples we see at Equitable Mediation Services, they already have quite a bit on their minds so I’m sure the topic of today’s post isn’t close to being on their radar but it should.  Sadly, it is a fact of life that we all live to die and one day, we will no longer be on this Earth but that doesn’t mean while we are here, we can go without a plan.  Much like when you use a divorce mediation service to handle your divorce, there is a plan.  An organized way of looking at things to handle the major issues of the day.  With divorce mediation it’s things like the equitable distribution of your marital assets and liabilities and your New Jersey child support calculations and with wills and trusts, it’s the equitable distribution (if you will – no pun intended) of your “Earthly” assets and liabilities.   So where do the two intersect you ask and what exactly does divorce mediation have to do with estate planning?  I’ll tell you.

When you got married if you were like most people, you and your new spouse went to an attorney and drew up wills (I hope you drew up wills – please tell me you did).  At the time, it was likely that you did not have children and never thought you would end up divorced so you left everything you had to your spouse.  Things were going along fine and then one day you had a few children and so you modified your will to include them as beneficiaries. That’s great but now that things have changed and you are going through a divorce, you will need to make another change to your directive.  I’m sure right now, it’s the last thing on your mind but given the importance of this topic, it’s not something that can wait.

Certainly we don’t expect to die suddenly but sadly, there may be a chance that something happens to us between the time we get divorced and we change our will and your assets may not get distributed as you intended so allow me to make this simple suggestion.  See an estate planning attorney before your divorce is final and draw up a new will to take effect upon the final decree of divorce.  This way, it’s one less thing to worry about and you can move on knowing that your affairs are in order should something happen to you in the near future.  I know, not the most pleasant topic to discuss but unfortunately necessary and one we cover during mediation sessions as morbid as it may seem.

If you have any questions about divorce mediation or how mediation can benefit you, please feel free to contact us to schedule a free, no-obligation consultation in one of our six central New Jersey office locations where we will take some time to get to know more about you and your situation and see if mediation is right for you.  Of if you’re simply not ready yet, feel free to visit the Equitable Mediation Services website where you’ll find lots of great information about parenting plans, equitable distribution, NJ child support and spousal support / alimony and contact us when you’re ready.  We look forward to helping you get through your divorce peacefully, efficiently and with as little stress on you and your family as possible.