Divorce Mediation and Parenting Plans Part 3
July 27, 2009 by Joseph F Dillon
For those of you reading the Equitable Mediation Services blog last week, you’ve seen that we are putting our focus squarely on parenting plans and divorce mediation and are outlining what makes for a good parenting plan. In today’s post we’re going to cover a bit more about the legal issues surrounding parenting plans as they can be as important (if not more important) than the physical issues. On top of that, there seem to be some misconceptions about what exactly is legal custody and what rights a parent has vis a vis their child. When it comes to legal custody and the parenting plan, it is important to recognize that physical custody and legal custody are two entirely different things. Yes, they are related to the same child or children that we’re talking about in mediation but when it comes to making decisions on issues of physical custody, it does not necessarily impact issues of legal custody.
One of the most common misconceptions I hear as a New Jersey divorce mediator is that a parent feels because they have physical custody of a child, they also have 100% of the legal custody for that same child. In their opinion, they are entitled to make all of the decisions for the child with regard to the legal issues surrounding parenting. These decisions include, but are not limited to:
- Medical decisions regarding the health of a child; and
- Educational decisions regarding the needs of a child; and
- Religion of the child; and
- Changing the child’s name; and
- Moving the child out of state.
Just because one of you has the child living with you more than the other parent, it does not mean, unless it was previously agreed to in mediation, that you have any more legal rights to make decisions on behalf of that child than the other parent. As you’ve seen me write before, even though you are no longer husband and wife, you are still mom and dad and with that comes certain rights and privileges. You are expected and entitled to participate in that child’s life actively and equally and with that, comes the authority to make decisions jointly on behalf of that child. Your child. No amount of physical custody can take those rights away from you, unless of course it was agreed to during your divorce proceedings in which case you’d need to speak with your attorney about what your rights are.
With medical decisions, you’ll want to give some thought to what happens in both emergency and non-emergency situations. There’s a big difference between needing a blood transfusion and going to the doctor for a cold. Then there’s education and what support your child may need moving forward. Do they need a tutor? Who will pay for that? How about college? Do you children participate in religious services and/or classes such as CCD or Hebrew School and do those activities have a fee? Or are you an inter-faith couple and have yet to make the decision what religion to raise your child in? Better start thinking about it. How about the child’s last name. Do you have strong thoughts about going back to your maiden name and changing the child’s name to match along with yours? And then the big one: moving out of state. Hey, we live in New Jersey and getting divorced in New Jersey means in a matter of one hour, you can be living in either New York or Pennsylvania so forgetting to discuss moving out of state is a major mistaken given our proximity to two other states.
Scared you yet? Well, while it is true that there is a lot to know and think about, that is why you need the help of a NJ divorce mediator like me. So take a deep breath and know that if you choose to use a divorce mediation service in New Jersey make sure you choose one who has the know-how and experience to cover each and every one of these issue thoughtfully, thoroughly and above all, with the best interest of your child in mind.
In our next post we’ll discuss some of the other miscellaneous issues that surround parenting plans and while these are not issues as major as say physical or legal one, they can trip up couples who choose not to discuss them upfront so taking the time to do so can save lots of headaches down the road. However in the meantime should you have any questions about divorce mediation or how mediation can benefit you, please feel free to contact us to schedule a free, no-obligation consultation in one of our six central New Jersey office locations where we will take some time to get to know more about you and your situation and see if mediation is right for you. Of if you’re simply not ready yet, feel free to visit the Equitable Mediation Services website where you’ll find lots of great information about parenting plans, equitable distribution, NJ child support and spousal support / alimony and contact us when you’re ready. We look forward to helping you get through your divorce peacefully, efficiently and with as little stress on you and your family as possible.
