Divorce Mediation and Parenting Plans Part 2
In the last post on the Equitable Mediation Services blog, we were discussing the topic of parenting plans and how they are a detailed description of how each of you will interact with the children and the decisions you will make on behalf of the children while you are going through your divorce as well as after you are divorced. We talked about the two sets of decisions that must be made during the parenting plan discussion which are decisions on the issues of physical custody and decisions on the issues of legal custody and in today’s post, we will discuss in more detail, the issues of physical custody which in today’s modern world have become quite detailed plans unto themselves as often both parents are working and coordinating schedules is quite a challenge to say the least.
When discussing issues of physical custody, there are four main areas we look to consider:
- Who will maintain the primary residence for the child(ren); and
- What is the pattern of time each of you spend with the child(ren) during an ordinary week; and
- What does the pattern of holidays, vacations and other days off look like and where and with whom will the child(ren) spend those days; and
- How will the child(ren) get from place to place when spending that time with each of you?
Certainly your lives are hectic enough as a married couple so what exactly is your life going to look like when you are divorced you ask? Much different than it is now, I can promise you and that in my experience as a New Jersey divorce mediator is something many divorcing couples have trouble coming to terms with. Being a single parent is no easy task but it can be accomplished quite effectively with the right kind of parenting plan and a lot of communication between you and your ex. However, the single biggest success factor is you willingness to put your children above all else.
The first thing I emphasize to all of my divorce mediation clients is that your schedule as you know it will most certainly change. When you used to go to the gym on the way home, you are now going to have to coordinate schedules to ensure that one of you is watching the children. When you used to be able to make plans at the last minute as to who was going to drive little Johnny and Suzie to soccer and dance class, you will now have to plan this well in advance. The pattern will become even more important to both you and your children so you can maintain the schedule and they can maintain their sense of normalcy during this whole time.
The second thing I emphasize is residential proximity. This in my opinion is the single greatest factor (besides the ability to communicate) in determining your success as parents after you are divorced. It is in the children’s best interest to see both of you as much as possible and if one of you lives far away, that is not going to happen. Not to mention the burden of maintaining the children’s schedule will fall squarely on one of you. When deciding where to live, especially in New Jersey, what seems like it should be close, can really be an hour away. Ever drive on Route 1 in Woodbridge during rush hour? How about Route 18 through East Brunswick or Route 70 in Cherry Hill? Good luck to you if you’re on 287 South coming from basically Morristown to Bridgewater and then again from Piscataway to Perth Amboy! What should be a 10 minute trip can take an hour even though you’re only going 11 miles.
Then there is the issue of the exceptions: holidays, school holidays and vacations. Certainly you are used to doing certain traditional things as “a family” on certain holidays but that too will have to change. Last is the issue of the all important coordination. With kids running in all directions these days (and you too by the way) making sure one of you isn’t the taxi service will also be important to your mental health. Before when you could call the other parent and tell them you were running late, now you will have to make sure you are free for when the parenting plans says you are “on duty.” All considerations to making sure your plan is both realistic and can be executed for the benefit of the children.
Why is all of this important to address first? You see all of these decisions can impact the well being of your children as providing for them a stable schedule and the ability to see each of you as much as possible will (hopefully) minimize the impact your divorce had on them. Also as a downstream consideration, the New Jersey child support calculations use physical custody as one of the factors in calculating support amounts. While this is much too complex a topic to get into here, suffice to say it’s something we take extra care to discuss during mediation sessions to make sure we have the right balance for both you and the children.
In our next post, we’ll talk more about parenting plans and the issues of legal custody when it comes to raising the children and how the physical custody issues impact the legal aspect ofyour parenting plan. However if in the meantime you have any questions about divorce mediation or how mediation can benefit you, please feel free to contact us to schedule a free, no-obligation consultation in one of our six central New Jersey office locations where we will take some time to get to know more about you and your situation and see if mediation is right for you. Of if you’re simply not ready yet, feel free to visit the Equitable Mediation Services website where you’ll find lots of great information about parenting plans, equitable distribution, NJ child support and spousal support / alimony and contact us when you’re ready. We look forward to helping you get through your divorce peacefully, efficiently and with as little stress on you and your family as possible.
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