Mediation: The Ultimate Postnup
May 20, 2009 by Joseph F Dillon · Comments Off
Today I saw an unusual article regarding the idea of prenups versus postnups and got to thinking that what they were describing as a postnup sounded very much like the Memorandum of Understanding we draft in mediation. These Memorandums (or MOU’s as they are more commonly referred to) outline all the major decisions a divorcing couple makes surrounding their parenting plans, equitable distribution of assets and liabilites, child support and spousal support / alimony and while if you’re still married the last two are kind of moot, wouldn’t it better to have these conversations while you’re still getting along then at the bitter end? There may be something to this postnup thing…
###
If you have any questions about divorce mediation or how mediation can benefit you, please feel free to contact us to schedule a free, no-obligation consultation in one of our six central New Jersey office locations where we will take some time to get to know more about you and your situation and see if mediation is right for you. Of if you’re simply not ready yet, feel free to visit the Equitable Mediation Services website where you’ll find lots of great information about parenting plans, equitable distribution, NJ child support and spousal support / alimony and contact us when you’re ready. We look forward to helping you get through your divorce peacefully, efficiently and with as little stress on you and your family as possible.
Mediation Can Help Couples “Too Broke to Break Up”
May 19, 2009 by Joseph F Dillon · Comments Off
For regular readers of the Equitable Mediation Services blog, you know that I’ve espoused the benefits of mediation for quite some time by telling all of you that mediation is a smarter way to divorce in that it results in the same settlement at a much lower stress level with significant cost savings of $20,000 or more. And while all of this may be true, a recent article I read got me to thinking about those cost savings and how in reality, the savings could be even greater in the long run. Let me explain.
The article told the story of a typical divorcing couple that had counted on the sale of their home to cover their outstanding martial debts and give them a fresh start on life. When the wife lost her job, suddenly divorce didn’t seem like an option even though the marriage was long over and each of the parties wanted to move on with their lives. In order to save money on their divorce, they decided to go “pro se” and represent themselves thinking they could divorce on their own. What they didn’t count on were the complex legal entanglements and all the issues that surround divorce such as parenting plans, equitable distribution of marital assets and liabilities, child support and spousal support / alimony that would be required to be resolved if they were to successfully split.  Each of these areas is a complex matter unto itself and given the nature of marriage and divorce, inextricably intertwined with each other so attempting to resolve one area without considering the other three will only lead to trouble in the long run. Needless to say, things did not go well and they began to make a mess of things. That is until a mediator stepped in and helped them manage the process and begin to move forward with the decisions required in order to divorce. Which brings me to my point.
When couples make the decision to divorce themselves to save money what they don’t realize is that more often or not, issues will come up down the road that they thought were resolved and in turn, wind up costing them more in the long run to fix five, ten or twenty years down the line. As a divorce mediator in New Jersey, I subscribe to the “ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure” philosophy in that by settling all the issues surrounding your divorce correctly upfront, you will avoid costly legal proceedings in the years to come, litigating what you thought were resolved issues but turned out to not be. Honestly, do couples who have a two year old really know how they see themselves paying for that child’s college education down the line? What about the division of marital assets? Do they really know what the law considers “fair and equitable?” Do they each really wind up with what they should? All of these questions are ones that I as your NJ divorce mediator will help you resolve during mediation sessions so that you can get on with the process of rebuilding your lives and being parents to the children you both love very much not spending it in courtrooms, with attorneys and judges who don’t know you from the next case that comes their way.  Think about it, is it really worth it in the long run?
###
If you have any questions about divorce mediation or how mediation can benefit you, please feel free to contact us to schedule a free, no-obligation consultation in one of our six central New Jersey office locations where we will take some time to get to know more about you and your situation and see if mediation is right for you. Of if you’re simply not ready yet, feel free to visit the Equitable Mediation Services website where you’ll find lots of great information about parenting plans, equitable distribution, NJ child support and spousal support / alimony and contact us when you’re ready. We look forward to helping you get through your divorce peacefully, efficiently and with as little stress on you and your family as possible.
Mediation Success Rates of 100%?
May 14, 2009 by Joseph F Dillon · Comments Off
Here at Equitable Mediation Services, we get calls from couples who have made the decision to divorce inquiring about our mediation services and one of the questions they sometimes ask is “what is our success rate?” Now if you’re like me, you may find this to be an odd question given that the nature of divorce mediation is to help end a marriage so I wouldn’t call ending a marriage a success. However, if I as a New Jersey divorce mediator can keep divorcing couples out of the adversarial legal system and help them successfully resolve all the issues related to their divorce, then yes, the mediation can be considered a success on those grounds. That being said, then what exactly does that title above of “mediation success rates of 100%” mean?
To answer that, I pose the following questions to you:
- Can you sit in a room with your soon to be ex-spouse and act in a reasonably courteous manner?
- Do you consider yourself an adult and are willing to act like one?
- Will you respect the mediation process as cooperate with your mediator by providing information when asked, showing up for appointments on time and answering questions directed to you?
- Do you fully understand that you must give some to get some and that compromise is the key to pretty much everything in life?
If you answered yes to these four questions, then I believe you can enjoy the benefits of mediation.
Does that mean you will always get along famously during our sessions, never raise your voice, forget on occasion to bring with you to your mediation sessions a document or two or have an issue which you feel so strongly on that you are unwilling to compromise?
No, of course not.
Let’s be realistic. You and your spouse need divorce mediation services for a reason and it’s not because you are getting along famously. You will disagree, you will fight, you will be upset and you may not always follow the process to a “t.” But the more you do and the more likely you are to answer yes to the four questions I pose above, then the better your chances are at success in divorce mediation as well as post-settlement.  Mediation is not a magic process that will solve all of your issues, resolve all of your conflicts and help you and your ex-spouse live happily ever after. It is a process by which three people, voluntarily work together to resolve the issues that are before them. How much time and effort you put into the process and how much you are willing to engage and do what is asked of you will determine your success so really at the end of the day it is up to you. Do you want to be one of the 100% of couples who succeed or the 100% of couples that fail?
Ask yourself the four questions and let me know how many times you said yes and I’ll get back to you.
###
If you have any questions about divorce mediation or how mediation can benefit you, please feel free to contact us to schedule a free, no-obligation consultation in one of our six central New Jersey office locations where we will take some time to get to know more about you and your situation and see if mediation is right for you. Of if you’re simply not ready yet, feel free to visit the Equitable Mediation Services website where you’ll find lots of great information about parenting plans, equitable distribution, NJ child support and spousal support / alimony and contact us when you’re ready. We look forward to helping you get through your divorce peacefully, efficiently and with as little stress on you and your family as possible.
