Mediation Success Rates of 100%?

Here at Equitable Mediation Services, we get calls from couples who have made the decision to divorce inquiring about our mediation services and one of the questions they sometimes ask is “what is our success rate?”  Now if you’re like me, you may find this to be an odd question given that the nature of divorce mediation is to help end a marriage so I wouldn’t call ending a marriage a success.  However, if I as a New Jersey divorce mediator can keep divorcing couples out of the adversarial legal system and help them successfully resolve all the issues related to their divorce, then yes, the mediation can be considered a success on those grounds.  That being said, then what exactly does that title above of “mediation success rates of 100%” mean?

To answer that, I pose the following questions to you:

1. Can you sit in a room with your soon to be ex-spouse and act in a reasonably courteous manner?
2. Do you consider yourself an adult and are willing to act like one?
3. Will you respect the mediation process as cooperate with your mediator by providing information when asked, showing up for appointments on time and answering questions directed to you?
4. Do you fully understand that you must give some to get some and that compromise is the key to pretty much everything in life?

If you answered yes to these four questions, then I believe you can enjoy the benefits of mediation.

Does that mean you will always get along famously during our sessions, never raise your voice, forget on occasion to bring with you to your mediation sessions a document or two or have an issue which you feel so strongly on that you are unwilling to compromise?

No, of course not.

Let’s be realistic.  You and your spouse need divorce mediation services for a reason and it’s not because you are getting along famously.  You will disagree, you will fight, you will be upset and you may not always follow the process to a “t.”  But the more you do and the more likely you are to answer yes to the four questions I pose above, then the better your chances are at success in divorce mediation as well as post-settlement.   Mediation is not a magic process that will solve all of your issues, resolve all of your conflicts and help you and your ex-spouse live happily ever after.  It is a process by which three people, voluntarily work together to resolve the issues that are before them.  How much time and effort you put into the process and how much you are willing to engage and do what is asked of you will determine your success so really at the end of the day it is up to you.  Do you want to be one of the 100% of couples who succeed or the 100% of couples that fail?

Ask yourself the four questions and let me know how many times you said yes and I’ll get back to you.

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If you have any questions about divorce mediation or how mediation can benefit you, please feel free to contact us to schedule a free, no-obligation consultation in one of our six central New Jersey office locations where we will take some time to get to know more about you and your situation and see if mediation is right for you.  Of if you’re simply not ready yet, feel free to visit the Equitable Mediation Services website where you’ll find lots of great information about parenting plans, equitable distribution, NJ child support and spousal support / alimony and contact us when you’re ready.  We look forward to helping you get through your divorce peacefully, efficiently and with as little stress on you and your family as possible.