Mediation: A Judgment Free Divorce Process

As a divorce mediator in New Jersey, I am often in front of couples who besides my constant reminding, mistake me for a judge.  While under normal circumstances I might be flattered to be confused with a person of such high honor and distinction, but when it comes to being a divorce mediator, well, not so much.  Trying to persuade me is not going to do anyone a bit of good and quite honestly, is destructive to the mediation process so it has no place in the offices of Equitable Mediation Services.   You see divorce mediators are trained neutrals and it is our job to not represent either of you but advocate for both of you and your children, when applicable.  As you’ve probably heard me say before, mediation is a forward looking process and what happened is in the past and of no real concern to us during our mediation sessions.  Unless of course there is some sort of domestic violence issue or fraudulent activity then it becomes a matter for the courts.

But on the whole as much as it pains me to tell you this, no lawyer, judge or court really cares about whether or not your soon to be ex-spouse picked up their socks, made dinner, played their music too loud, etc.  Yes, these all may be reasons why you are seeking mediation services but at the end of the day, it will not factor in to your Memorandum of Understanding and ultimately matter a bit in your final divorce settlement.

People who think these things matter are the ones who either (a) can’t mediate or (b) go broke spending all of their money on attorney’s fees because they want to continue the fight instead of seek the solution.  Mediation is all about helping you resolve the issues surrounding your divorce peacefully, efficiently and with as little stress on you and your family as possible.  Does fighting seem efficient when at the end of the day you’re going to be divorced anyway?  Is fighting relaxing?  Do you enjoy fighting?  Perhaps some of you do as you’ve become comfortable with the dysfunction that has become your marriage and your day-to-day life but let me be the first to tell you that’s not how it needs to go.

As your mediator it is my job to manage the process in a completely non-judgmental way and guide you through the four major areas of divorce:

1. Parenting Plans
2. Equitable Distribution of Marital Assets and Liabilities
3. New Jersey Child Support
4. Spousal Support / Alimony

By having a constructive and honest dialog about each other’s expectations, needs and concerns for the future, only then can we begin the process of putting together an agreement that will work for all parties.  If you are going to spend our mediation sessions trying to convince me what a bad person your soon to be ex is, then we are not going to have much success and perhaps mediation is not for you.  So ask yourself this question: are you ready to move forward with your life and get to the other side (as painful as that journey might be) or do you want to continue to argue and stay comfortably ensconced in your culture of blame and misery?

The choice is up to both of you.

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If you have any questions about divorce mediation or how mediation can benefit you, please feel free to contact us to schedule a free, no-obligation consultation in one of our six central New Jersey office locations where we will take some time to get to know more about you and your situation and see if mediation is right for you.  Of if you’re simply not ready yet, feel free to visit the Equitable Mediation Services website where you’ll find lots of great information about parenting plans, equitable distribution, NJ child support and spousal support / alimony and contact us when you’re ready.  We look forward to helping you get through your divorce peacefully, efficiently and with as little stress on you and your family as possible.