Focusing on Children in Divorce Mediation

Of all the clients we see at Equitable Mediation Services, the one’s that trouble us the most are the ones that do not put their children first.  For regular readers of my blog, you know that I am a proponent of divorce mediation and have elaborated on the many benefits of mediation and how I believe it to be the smarter way to divorce.   With it’s much lower cost, lower stress level and better outcomes for both the parties and their children, divorce mediation can be used in most of the cases I encounter.  I can say that 95% of the time we are able to come to a successful resolution of all the issues surrounding a couple’s divorce but that handful of times that we can’t, usually involves a couple who can’t see past their anger to do what’s right for their kids.

As we’ve discussed, there are four main areas to divorce mediation and two of them, the Parenting Plan and NJ Child Support involve ensuring your children are taken care of during your divorce and mediation sessions as well as after the divorce process is final.  During our mediation sessions, we start with the Parenting Plans as we feel it is the most important component of any divorce.  By putting the children and their issues first, we try to ensure that they will not become the economic or emotional victims of divorce and find that most of the time, the parents are able to work through these issues with little or no conflict.  By doing this, it also helps us see that while yes, there are a lot of things we don’t agree on (hence the reason we’re getting divorced) there are somethings we do, namely the welfare of the children.  But what happens when we can’t come to an agreement regarding the children?

This is where I remind you that not everyone can be a candidate for our divorce mediation services.  In order to enjoy the benefits of mediation, you as a couple are going to have to put aside your differences and work together to come to some agreements and the ones involving your children, are especially important.  When I see couples that cannot work through their differences regarding their children, I know that the issues surrounding their divorce go much deeper than can be handled in divorce mediation sessions.  This is where I would suggest and perhaps even insist they go see a couple’s counselor or even seek counseling on their own.  And while I am not a psychologist but rather a New Jersey divorce mediator, even I know not being able to do what’s right for your kids is a clear sign of a much deeper issue.  Remember: you may no longer be husband and wife but you are going to be mom and dad forever and in many of the cases I see, that will be even longer than you were married!

If you have any questions about divorce mediation or how mediation can benefit you, please feel free to contact us to schedule a free, no-obligation consultation in one of our six central New Jersey office locations where we will take some time to get to know more about you and your situation and see if mediation is right for you.  Of if you’re simply not ready yet, feel free to visit the Equitable Mediation Services website where you’ll find lots of great information about parenting plans, equitable distribution, NJ child support and spousal support / alimony and contact us when you’re ready.  We look forward to helping you get through your divorce peacefully, efficiently and with as little stress on you and your family as possible.