Don’t Let a Bad Mediator Happen to you

Yesterday I was reading a news article with a rather interesting title “When Bad Lawyers Happen to Good People” and I got to thinking how true that old adage about one bad apple spoiling the whole bunch is.  Well in the case of the basket containing divorce lawyers, there may be a few good apples in the bunch but more often than not, you hear of stories that will make you never want to participate in the legal process again.  And while people may tend to blame the lawyer, more often than not, it’s the system that’s to blame and people’s misunderstanding of the players, their roles and their part in the process.

When participating in a traditional attorney-driven divorce, the parties are often encouraged to continue the fight in the name of “getting what they want.”  Inflammatory remarks are made, suspect advice is given the circle goes around and around.  Is this due to a bad attorney?  Perhaps but as an advocate, your lawyer is simply doing what you instruct them to do so bad news: you’ve got a hand in prolonging this conflict too.  However when using a NJ divorce mediator, the process is completely different.

There aren’t two warring parties and their representatives but rather a group of three people engaging in a collaborative effort to resolve the issues, not prolong the conflict.  At Equitable Mediation Services instead of suspect advice you will get open and honest dialog about your options and you can choose what works best for you and your family.  Well, I’m sure this all sounds great but what does this have to do with the title of this article?

In any field, there are good and shall we say “inadequate” professionals and what makes someone a good or bad practitioner could be a subject of lengthy debate but the one thing I have come to learn is this.  In the fields of law and mediation, there is a sharp contrast between being able to effectively mediate and practicing law.  All too many times, as this article suggested, the lawyers try to mediate and really just wind up giving legal advice and inadvertently prolong the conflict.  There is much to know about divorce mediation as it truly is different from litigating but who should litigate and who should mediate is become an interesting question. When bad mediators happen to good people, it is my experience that these are “lawyer-mediators” who want you to believe that by using their services they can provide you both legal advice and mediation services.

They can’t.  Not now, not ever.

This is at worst a conflict of interest and at best illegal.  So when you are considering who you should choose as your New Jersey divorce mediator just remember this: you wouldn’t bring your car to be fixed to your dry cleaner, would you?  So why would you let an attorney handle your mediation?

If you have any questions about divorce mediation or how mediation can benefit you, please feel free to contact us to schedule a free, no-obligation consultation in one of our six central New Jersey office locations where we will take some time to get to know more about you and your situation and see if mediation is right for you.  Of if you’re simply not ready yet, feel free to visit the Equitable Mediation Services website where you’ll find lots of great information about parenting plans, equitable distribution, NJ child support and spousal support / alimony and contact us when you’re ready.  We look forward to helping you get through your divorce peacefully, efficiently and with as little stress on you and your family as possible.