Divorce Mediation is not a Magic Bullet

If you’re reading this blog, chances are you’re considering a divorce and thinking about divorce mediation as a way to settle your differences.  That’s excellent to hear.  However, in today’s post, I want to point out that divorce mediation is no magic bullet and it cannot fix what ails you, get your credit scores back, pay off your mortgage or help you get along if you actively choose not to even try.  There are many benefits of mediation and couples who come to us recognizing that and who are willing to put in the time and effort required, can and do eventually work though their issues.

Similarly, there are couples who come to us expecting something magic to happen during our sessions.  It is their thinking that if they simply spend their time yelling at each other, not producing the necessary documents required by their New Jersey divorce mediator, that at the end of the process, all the necessary agreements will be reached and the paperwork will be neatly drafted and placed in front of them for their review.

Let me be the first to tell you: this is not going to happen.

Mediation is an active process that requires participation from all parties: the client couple as well as the mediation services provider.  From the couple, the mediator will need the basics such as documentation, tax returns, bank statements, etc. as well as the ability to communicate (or at least try to communicate) and a willingness to do what is fair and equitable.  From the mediator the parties should want and expect an ability to actively listen, manage the divorce mediation process, communicate effectively, impart their experience by helping develop options the couple may not have otherwise thought of or considered and draft the required Memorandum of Understanding.  If both the client couple and the mediator do “their job” then the mediation will be a success.  But what happens when this is not the case?

One of the things that couples are surprised to learn is that mediation is a voluntary process and that means it is voluntary for everyone.  Clients reserve the right to leave mediation if they feel their needs are not being met or that the process isn’t what they had expected.  Similarly, the mediator reserves the right to terminate the mediation if he or she feels the parties are unable to effectively mediate their dispute or more commonly, not committed to the mediation process.  As mentioned before, there are many benefits of mediation but in order to achieve them, some work will be required by the client couple and it’s important people understand that.  If you want someone to do your bidding for you while you sit back and react, then hire an attorney and spend the $100,000.  But if you want to get a better result, be in charge of your own future and save you and your children a lot of headache, grief and money, then try divorce mediation but only if you’re willing to put aside your anger and spend the time required to get the desired results.

If you have any questions about divorce mediation or how mediation can benefit you, please feel free to contact us to schedule a free, no-obligation consultation in one of our six central New Jersey office locations where we will take some time to get to know more about you and your situation and see if mediation is right for you.  Of if you’re simply not ready yet, feel free to visit the Equitable Mediation Services website where you’ll find lots of great information about parenting plans, equitable distribution, NJ child support and spousal support / alimony and contact us when you’re ready.  We look forward to helping you get through your divorce peacefully, efficiently and with as little stress on you and your family as possible.