Mediation Helps Keep Parenting Plans with Parents

As many of you know who regularly read the Equitable Mediation Services NJ divorce mediation blog, Parenting Plans are one of the four main topics covered in divorce mediation sessions and to me personally, the most important of the four.  To editorialize for a moment, spouses engaged in a divorce must realize that when children are involved, you must put their needs first and do what’s best for them rather than putting them in the middle of the divorce and using them as pawns.  All too often I see parents who claim to want to do the right thing but then use their children as bargaining tools and even treat them as property to be divided and negotiated over.  And while perhaps I’m being a bit naive to think that fighting couples could put their differences aside for the sake of the children, it is nice to know I’m not alone in my desire to keep parenting plans and child custody issues out of the court.

In a recent article in the Charleston Gazette, courts in West Virginia are proposing sweeping new changes to the current child custody laws that are in effect in the state.  As it currently stands, if a man works long hours to support his family and then gets divorced, he is in effect penalized as the judge is more likely to grant him less time with his children after the divorce.  The new rules would address this imbalance and take into account a parent’s “ability and willingness” to be with their children post-divorce and set aside past patterns in which a parent didn’t spend as much time with their child as they would have liked to due to circumstances which may have been out of their control.

This brings to light an important point which you’ve heard me say before and that is: you are still mom and dad even though you are no longer husband and wife so it’s important that both of you spend as much time as you can with your children.  You don’t want the courts legislating what you as a parent do post settlement and you certainly don’t’ want a judge telling you how to be a good parent.  One of the benefits of mediation is that you as parents decide what pattern of time works best for you and your children.  During mediation sessions, you have the opportunity to discuss the parenting plan along with the other three major ares of divorce: equitable distribution, NJ child support and spousal support / alimony and come to agreement that is decide by those who know best: mom and dad.  Does the judge know your children?  How about your attorney?  Do they know what he or she likes to do, how they like to spend their free time or their favorite flavor of ice cream?  No.  So why would they know what’s best for them when it comes to how much time they spend with each of you?

If you’re contemplating a divorce and would to know more about divorce mediation, please feel free to contact us and set up a free, no-obligation consultation in one of our six central NJ office locations where we will learn more about your situation and explain the benefits of mediation to you and your spouse.  We know that once you learn more about divorce mediation you’ll agree that it truly is the smarter way to divorce.  But if you’re not ready just yet, please feel free to visit the Equitable Mediation Services website where you’ll find lots of helpful information about divorce and mediation and contact us when you’re ready as we know this is not a decision one takes lightly.

We look forward to helping you get through your divorce peacefully, efficiently and with as little stress on you and your family as possible.