Divorce Mediation May Be Theraputeic but it’s not Therapy

For those of you who have been reading the Equitable Mediation Services NJ divorce mediation blog, you have seen me outline many of the benefits of mediation on a variety of topics from substantial costs savings to a less adversarial process.  And while there are many others too numerous to mention, I wanted to take some time in today’s article to outline a subtle difference, as the title of this post suggests, between another mediation benefit.

Divorce mediators in New Jersey come from a variety of backgrounds: legal, psychological and financial with the breakout falling somewhere along the lines of 60% legal, 30% psychological and 10% financial.   During divorce mediation sessions, you already know the four main areas we cover are:

1. Parenting Plans
2. Equitable Distribution of Marital Assets and Liabilities
3. NJ Child Support
4. Spousal Support / Alimony

and while these may be the high level topics of discussion, during each of these sections, we touch on topics related to: legal matters, psychological matters and financial matters.  As a NJ divorce mediator my background is in the financial and legal areas so I tend to work especially hard at recognizing the needs of my clients on the psychological end of the spectrum.  But the one thing I caution anyone who enters divorce mediation is not to expect it to turn into marriage counseling or therapy.  Even though having these conversations and learning to work together to settle your differences can be therapeutic, if you are need of such services, you should seek the help of a professional in that arena.

In a recent post I discussed how some people who are reluctant to get a divorce turn to mediation as a way to slow the process.  I believe they feel that by going through mediation their spouse will see what a good person they are by cooperating that they’ll want to take them back.   To be honest, by the time couples seek mediation services they should (and I emphasize should) have already made the decision to divorce and are simply using mediation as a means to settle their divorce.  As it’s common for one of the partners to be farther down the road in terms of wanting a divorce than the other, the reluctant spouse may need some help in dealing with the flood of emotions that may overwhelm them during the process.  That’s where a professional counselor can help.

One of the good things about divorce mediation is that we as NJ divorce mediators are trained to recognize our clients needs and either guide them through the divorce process of refer them to professionals that can help them with a particular need.  Each of us comes to divorce from a different perspective and has our own unique circumstances and needs and so the need for professional help can vary from client to client.  Some need help understanding their finances as perhaps one spouse took care of all of that for the past 20 years.  One may need help dealing with the hurt and anger they are feeling regarding the divorce and one may have children who aren’t taking the divorce well and the little ones are in need of someone to talk to.  In all of these circumstances, Equitable Mediation Services can help.  We recognize the difference between therapeutic release and the need for therapy and can direct you to caring professionals who can help.

Divorce is an emotional time and you don’t have to do it alone.  By considering mediation you’ve already taken a big step towards a smarter way to divorce.  By avoiding the adversarial legal system, you are actively choosing to manage what happens to you, your children and your future and that’s a great first step.  So when you are ready, please feel free to contact us to set up a free, no obligation consultation in one of our six central NJ area office locations where will will sit down with you and your spouse and learn more about your particular situation and explain more about divorce mediation and how mediation can benefit both of you and your children.