Are You Ready for Divorce Mediation?

We at Equitable Mediation Services meet couples in various stages of their pre-divorce phase.  On one end, you have couples seeking mediation services that have just made the decision to divorce that week and on the other end couples who have been separated for years and are now just getting around to going through the divorce and mediation process.  And while any couple that is ready to mediate can go through mediation (I realize that sounds odd but I’ll explain why that is important in a minute) how do you know if you’re ready?

To do that, let’s take a look at how mediation is different from litigation.  With litigation, you don’t need anyone’s permission to sue them.  Let’s say for example, a box falls on your head in the supermarket and you are injured.  Do you need the store’s permission or the box manufacturer’s permission to sue them for pain and suffering?  Or course not.  You would go to your lawyer and file suit and from there the court system would take over.  Mediation on the other hand, is a little different.

As mediation is a voluntary process neither party can force the other to come to mediation; they need to do so voluntarily.  So in the case of the box falling on your head, if you were to want to go to mediation with the supermarket to work out a fair and equitable settlement for your pain and suffering, unless both parties agree to come to the table, you couldn’t mediate.  If the supermarket refused, you would have no choice to litigate and go through that whole ugly process, spending unnecessary time and money in addition to the copious amounts of undue stress it would cause you.

You’ve heard me speak of the benefits of mediation before and even in this example, I hope they are obvious: lower cost, more efficient and less stressful but how do you know you’re ready to take advantage of those mediation benefits?  It’s quite simple really when it comes down to it.  Ask yourself this one question:

have both me and my spouse made the decision to divorce?

In that one question, you will know if you are ready to explore mediation as an alternative to a litigated divorce.  Does it mean that you are good candidates for mediation?  Not necessarily as there are other factors that determine if you are such as your ability to communicate reasonably well, a willingness to work together for the sake of your children and a desire to maintain the peace.  If you want a fight, hire an attorney, if you want an agreement, hire a NJ divorce mediator.

As I said before: no one can be forced to go to mediation even though it is the smarter way to divorce.  Sometimes it’s simply a matter of a couple not being good candidates for mediation as they do not wish to come to an agreement or they wish to prolong the fight but sometimes it simply is a question of one of them has not, in their mind, made the decision to divorce.  As simple as that sounds, one needs to be ready to go through divorce mediation with an understanding that by working together they can control the outcome of their settlement and have a say in what their future holds and if you’re like me, that’s a pretty compelling reason.  If you are still holding on to the idea of your marriage, then you need to either seek the help of a marriage counselor to see if the marriage can be saved or seek the support of a therapist or friend to help you come to terms with your pending divorce.  As cliche as this may sound, you’ll know when you are ready and when you are, we’ll be here if you need us.

If you have any questions about divorce mediation or how mediation can benefit you, please feel free to contact us to set up a free, no obligation consultation in one of our six central NJ office locations or in the privacy of your marital home where we will get to know a little more about you and your situation to see if mediation is right for you.  or if you’re simply not ready yet, feel free to visit our website where you can learn more about divorce mediation and the mediation process.  We look forward to hearing from you.