Divorce Mediation Can Minimize the Conflict

In recent weeks, I’ve been noticing the calls we get at Equitable Mediation Services of New Jersey fall into two distinct camps:

1. My spouse and I have agreed we no longer want to be together, we communicate well and we both just want out; OR
2. “That no good so-and-so thinks I’m going to…” or “I’m not paying a dollar to that…” or “What are they crazy? There’s no way I’d consider that!”

I think you get the point.

There’s an old saying that goes you can’t help somebody who doesn’t want to be helped and divorce is no exception.  If someone simply wants to call me up, gripe about their spouse and prolong the conflict then I have some bad news: divorce mediation is not for you.  But if you sound more like example #1 above, then you owe it to yourself to learn more about divorce mediation.  You’ve heard me talk about many of the benefits of mediation before and in recent posts, I’ve been focusing on the less obvious ones.  Today I’d like to talk about minimizing the conflict.

I think you’ll agree that it’s easy to hurt someone when you’re hiding behind an attorney or other such mouthpiece that’s “representing” you.  Sure, just fire off a letter with outrageous demands and prolong the conflict.  Why not!?  I’ll tell you why not:  that letter just cost you $500 and a little piece of your dignity.  To me, divorce is an end.  It represents the legal untangling of a lifetime of collective activity both financial and emotional but from the behavior of some, you’d never know they actually want it to end.

When the two of you are sitting in a room face to face, it becomes a lot more difficult to fire off those insults or offhand remarks (although some still do) and the proceedings move along faster saving you time and money as well as your dignity in the process.  Don’t think your dignity is worth anything?  Think about Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger.  Talk about losing your dignity.

Oddly enough, when my spell checker flagged Kim’s last name as being misspelled, one of the suggested replacements was “embarrassing.”  How ironic.

Divorce already leaves deep enough emotional scars that will take you quite a bit of time to get over.  But throwing gasoline on an already hot fire isn’t going to help.  Trust me – I’ve seen it and I know.  With divorce mediation, you can work out your issues in real time, like the adults that are you (sad but true – you are adults and need to act like it) and move past your divorce and on to the healing that will inevitably come.  So when you’re ready to bring some peace and sanity to the process, please contact us and let us help you get on with settling your differences peacefully, efficiently and with as little impact to you and your family as possible.

Trust me, you’ll be glad you did.

Equitable Mediation Services of New Jersey offers a free, no-obligation consultation in either the privacy of the marital home or one of our six central NJ office locations where we will explain in detail the benefits of mediation and how mediation can help you.  Please contact us today to learn how divorce mediation can work for you and why it truly is the smarter way to divorce.