Child Custody Law Up for Review in Divorce Cases

One of the four main areas covered in divorce mediation sessions at Equitable Mediation Services is that of a parenting plan.  This parenting plan outlines a number of important decisions and agreements regarding a variety of topics affecting the children including:

1. Who has legal custody of a child; and
2. The number of overnights a child spends with each of their parents; and
3. The religious, educational and social needs of the child, among other issues.

We start with the parenting plan during our mediation sessions as we feel it is the cornerstone of the relationship moving forward for divorcing couples.  As you’ve heard me say before, you will still be mom and dad long after the divorce is finalized and we feel it is important to take care of the most important issues first: those affecting the children.  The other reason we begin with parenting plans is that the number of overnights directly impacts the NJ Child Support calculations which are discussed later in our mediation sessions.  Depending on how many overnights the children spend with each parent (among a variety of other factors much too complex to go into here) that will impact the NJ Child Support payments.   But a larger issue looms here: since it took two parents to bring this child into the world, why wouldn’t it take two parents equally to raise that same child both financially and physically?

The current opinion is that judges and courts are still unfairly tilted toward the mother as being the primary caregiver and that physical custody is traditionally awarded to the mother in divorce cases.  And while mediation can help offset some of that imbalance by having both parents work together to agree on the number of overnights the children spend with each of them, the fact remains that the children are still a bargaining chip in these discussions and that fathers are perceived as inferior caregivers.  This is not my opinion but rather the prevailing thought pattern out there based on news stories, empirical evidence and feedback I’ve received.

But a new Minnesota law hopes to change that.  In a story reported on Minnesota Public Radio, the state’s child custody law is up for review and a subtle but important language addition to the law may take effect as early as this month.  The issue surrounds the concept of child custody and whether or not judges truly start with a clean slate or if they are biased towards awarding custody to the mother.  This language change would presume that unless there was a compelling reason such as child abuse, that both parents would share physical custody equally and both mom and dad would be jointly responsible for raising that child.

But this is not without its drawbacks.  Some experts argue that if the divorce was amicable and the parents can communicate and agree on a schedule, this is fine.  However if the divorce was contentious and the parents are unable to communicate, you’re essentially putting your children into the middle of “a war zone.”  Currently, only one state in the union, Idaho, has enacted this change but others have considered it.  Only time will tell what results it will bring but suffice to say, it brings up an important point.

YOU are the adults.  Your children are relying on both of you to do the right thing and behave like adults.  Since they cannot defend themselves, determine their own custody arrangements or take care of themselves physically or financially, they are relying squarely on you and that is a responsibility (whether you want it or not) you’ve got.  So next time you find yourself starting an argument with your spouse or ex-spouse, think about this and try to re-focus your attention back on what’s best for your children.  It took two of you to bring them into this world and it will take two of you to raise them.

If you have any questions regarding this article or about divorce mediation in general, please feel free to contact us and we’ll do our best to help you any way we can.  We offer a free, no-obligation consultation at one of our six NJ locations where we will discuss the benefits of mediation and how mediation can help you.