What Makes a Good Divorce Mediator – Part II

In Friday’s post I talked about a presentation I saw on the four factors that clients feel make a good mediator and how it applies to divorce mediation in New Jersey.  In that post, I discussed the first topic which was the importance of preparation and how our preparation process at Equitable Mediation Services leads to a successful mediation.  In today’s post, I’ll discuss the second factor clients said made a good mediator: customization.

When it comes to divorce mediation, people come to a New Jersey divorce mediator because they need someone to add some structure to the negotiations.  People often ask me, “can’t I do this myself?” and the honest answer is maybe. I say maybe because in addition to having to know all the of the legal and financial matters that go into settling a divorce during mediation, they need someone to bring some structure to the proceedings.  Otherwise it would be a sprawling conversation that really never resolved anything and the parties would simply end up frustrated and right back where they started from. For that they need structure.  But isn’t structure the opposite of customization?  Not necessarily…

The presentation said that customization was an offshoot of preparation and when you think about it, that makes perfect sense.  Being prepared for a divorce mediation session allows the mediator to have a structure in place to help move the process forward but also anticipate the potential hot-button issues such as New Jersey Child Support or Spousal Support / Alimony discussions. As your divorce mediation progresses and the issues unfold, your divorce mediator is constantly guiding the conversation to help create a path forward that achieves better results with less acrimony and stress.  And really isn’t that the goal of every divorce mediation session?

We can also customize the path forward by reviewing all pertinent documents presented to us prior to your sessions to ensure that during our time together we engage in conversations that cover the critical topics at the right time.  We don’t want to wait until our last session to talk about something as substantial as a family-owned business, for example.  As each of the topics covered during divorce mediation relate to the others, it’s  a constant give and take process and we need to be flexible enough to keep things moving forward in a structured way but in a way that also makes progress at a pace the mediation clients are comfortable with.  Sometimes it truly is one step back, two steps forward.

The bottom line is you need to look for a divorce mediator that not only knows the subject matter but also has the experience to have seen many different scenarios and use that experience to make sure your divorce mediation sessions are best suited to your needs: not the needs of the mediator.  That why we feel Equitable Mediation Services is the right choice for you.

If you have any questions about this post or how we may be of service in your divorce mediation, please contact us and we’ll do our best to assist you in any way we can.