For today’s entry to the Equitable Mediation Services blog, I want to focus on the third item that mediation clients said makes a good divorce mediator: analytical assistance. At first you might think “what’s there to analyze in a divorce mediation?” Plenty, I can tell you that.  From examining the marital assets and liabilities for the purposes of Equitable Distribution to the analysis of incomes for both Spousal Support / Alimony and the New Jersey Child Support guidelines, divorce mediation is filled with numerous opportunities for analysis.  And while the law generally outlines how these things should be handled, getting behind the numbers is a very important area of divorce mediation.  But the numbers don’t always tell the whole story.

The second area of analytical assistance comes when I, as your NJ divorce mediator, ask pointed questions to get to the emotional roots of what may be behind a decision.  Analysis isn’t always about numbers, it can also be about words and finding out where each of your “heads are at” can tell me a lot about the direction our mediation will go in and the type of settlement we may be working towards.  Things I may be looking to learn are:

1. Are you both good communicators and get along reasonably well or are you “high conflict?”
2. Is there a power imbalance where one of you waits to speak after the other or do you take turns giving each other respect to finish your sentence?
3. Does one of you have a great handle the finances but the other doesn’t even know where the bank is located?

The answers to these and other questions can tell me how to actively guide you towards a fair and equitable settlement while helping me remain an impartial participant.  Listening is just as important as asking when it comes to analysis and

It is through this two-pronged approach that allows us at Equitable Mediation Services to help you as quickly and efficiently as possible with as little impact to you and your family as possible.  Please feel free to contact us for a free, no obligation consultation to learn more about how we can help you with your New Jersey divorce mediation needs.

In Friday’s post I talked about a presentation I saw on the four factors that clients feel make a good mediator and how it applies to divorce mediation in New Jersey.  In that post, I discussed the first topic which was the importance of preparation and how our preparation process at Equitable Mediation Services leads to a successful mediation.  In today’s post, I’ll discuss the second factor clients said made a good mediator: customization.

When it comes to divorce mediation, people come to a New Jersey divorce mediator because they need someone to add some structure to the negotiations.  People often ask me, “can’t I do this myself?” and the honest answer is maybe. I say maybe because in addition to having to know all the of the legal and financial matters that go into settling a divorce during mediation, they need someone to bring some structure to the proceedings.  Otherwise it would be a sprawling conversation that really never resolved anything and the parties would simply end up frustrated and right back where they started from. For that they need structure.  But isn’t structure the opposite of customization?  Not necessarily…

The presentation said that customization was an offshoot of preparation and when you think about it, that makes perfect sense.  Being prepared for a divorce mediation session allows the mediator to have a structure in place to help move the process forward but also anticipate the potential hot-button issues such as New Jersey Child Support or Spousal Support / Alimony discussions. As your divorce mediation progresses and the issues unfold, your divorce mediator is constantly guiding the conversation to help create a path forward that achieves better results with less acrimony and stress.  And really isn’t that the goal of every divorce mediation session?

We can also customize the path forward by reviewing all pertinent documents presented to us prior to your sessions to ensure that during our time together we engage in conversations that cover the critical topics at the right time.  We don’t want to wait until our last session to talk about something as substantial as a family-owned business, for example.  As each of the topics covered during divorce mediation relate to the others, it’s  a constant give and take process and we need to be flexible enough to keep things moving forward in a structured way but in a way that also makes progress at a pace the mediation clients are comfortable with.  Sometimes it truly is one step back, two steps forward.

The bottom line is you need to look for a divorce mediator that not only knows the subject matter but also has the experience to have seen many different scenarios and use that experience to make sure your divorce mediation sessions are best suited to your needs: not the needs of the mediator.  That why we feel Equitable Mediation Services is the right choice for you.

If you have any questions about this post or how we may be of service in your divorce mediation, please contact us and we’ll do our best to assist you in any way we can.

Recently we at Equitable Mediation Services had the pleasure of attending a presentation on improving mediation quality.  And while this presentation was more about civil mediation than about divorce mediation, there were many interesting points we were able to take away about what parties in mediation look for in a mediator.  This reinforced why we feel our approach is outstanding to those of other mediators and why it’s perfectly suited to help couples resolve their divorce efficiently and peacefully.

The presentation covered four main areas:

1. Preparation
2. Customization
3. Analytical Assistance
4. Persistence

Over the next four postings, I’d like to take some time and outline what we at Equitable Mediation Services do in each of these four areas that makes our services superior to those of other mediators.  In this installment, we’ll be focusing on preparation.

The study suggested that mediation clients are looking for their mediator to do three things when it comes to preparation:

1. Review documentation prior to the mediation session
2. Have input into the process
3. To have a command of the subject matter area

How do we approach each of these areas?

First with regard to document review, we feel that through our free, no obligation consultation we spend time getting to know you and the specific issues surrounding your situation as we understand each divorce is unique. In addition, during our initial consultation, we will provide you each with a folder containing a new client intake form which requests all of the pertinent information surrounding your relationship as well as a checklist of documentation we will require during the mediation.   Each of these documents are thoroughly reviewed prior to our sessions so that we may “hit the ground running” and cover the issues surrounding your divorce efficiently.  There is nothing worse in our opinion than someone learning about you as they go, asking questions you have already provided the answers to.  We also provide during the course of mediation extensive support in the areas of preparation such as worksheets, copies of guidelines and laws as well as maintaining an open e-mail and phone policy for questions you might have. We feel the interactions we have in addition to the information we can help you gather allows us to know you better and be better prepared to assist you.

Second is our mediation session structure.  We do have a distinct approach we take when conducting a divorce mediation session but are also trained to recognize that when going down one path, if no progress is being made, to circle back and head down another.  We understand that sometimes an individual needs time to absorb a particular facet of the process or to reflect on a decision that needs to be made.  We do not hold ourselves strictly to the process as we understand each clients needs are unique and some individuals may not wish to proceed with a certain subject at a particular point in time.

As far as command of the subject matter goes, with my extensive mediation training as well as having graduated first in my class with a Masters degree in Finance, I feel my background is perfectly suited to handle the complex issues surrounding divorce.  Second to the purchase of a home, a divorce is the largest financial transaction a couple will undertake in their time together.  This requires someone with the knowledge and expertise in the areas of financial and legal matters and my extensive studies allow me to guide you both with confidence that our settlements are fair, equitable and within the scope of the law.

I invite you take to some time to read my bio and get to know a little bit more about me and if you have any questions, please feel free to contact me to learn how I may help you with your divorce divorce and mediation.  In part two of this article, we’ll address the issues surrounding customization and how we at Equitable Mediation Services tailor our processes to your unique needs.