Does This Sound Like You Part I - Story of a Divorcing Couple

This morning on the Today show on NBC, there was a story of a couple going through the pains of not being able to afford to get divorced and I wondered if they knew about divorce mediation. Sadly, their story was typical of many couples who call Equitable Mediation Services these days and probably no different from you.  The couple had what was described as a “whirlwind romance,” been married seven years and had two beautiful children but things went south and so they made the decision to divorce but could not afford to due to the slumping economy.

Sound familiar?

The story went on to say that recent estimates of legal professionals stated that a couple with children can expect to spend on average $180,000 on their divorce if they choose to litigate their divorce. Are they kidding?  Who has that kind of money to spend on a divorce?  I know the Today Show isn’t the hardest hitting news organization out there but I would consider it a very trustworthy source so I do believe the number they quote.  And as many of you who heard me talk about the many benefits of mediation know that a mediated divorce costs around $7,000.

Which would you rather spend - $180,000 or $7,000?

This couple had made arrangements to sleep in two separate bedrooms at opposite ends of the house and made every effort to maintain separate lives.  They said they were waiting for the economy to bounce back and for their house to go back up in value in order to finalize their divorce but as many experts predict, this could be at least a year or two before this happens.  Their house had been valued at somewhere near $1 million but was off by about $350,000 and they both felt that taking such a loss would be too big a hit to take on top of their divorce.

So how did they get to this place?

The husband had been making a six-figure salary in construction but as we all know, that market has dried up substantially so he isn’t in any position to live on his own and his income in negligible.  The wife is doing quite well in sales and so she has taken on the burden of carrying the household expenses which she estimates to be in the $4,000 to $5,000 per month range and common sense will tell you that if she is paying that much to live in their current home, then her soon to be ex-husband will have to do the same when he moves out on his own and he doesn’t have that kind of money.

So together they live.  But not happily ever after.

While I was watching this, I was wondering how they handle things like kitchen usage, laundry, maintenance of the house, etc.  Neither of them wants to be there but they both have to survive.  How do they do it?  The husband stated that he felt “handcuffed by the economy” and was “angry” that he was forced to be in this position.  The wife felt no different and “couldn’t wait for him to get out” and said the “emotional toll was tremendous.”

Again, does this sound familiar?  What can you do?

This coming Wednesday, we’ll discuss some of the issues this couple faces in part II of this article and how the experts stated they should handle it.   But in the meantime, should you have questions about how divorce mediation can benefit you, please feel free to contact us at Equitable Mediation Services to schedule a free, no obligation consultation to learn how divorce mediation can help you.